There was a time, when I was a teenager and therefore remarkably witless, that I fell for every crackpot idea that crossed my path. I was certain I had extrasensory perception, could move objects with my mind and see the future, and would eventually figure out how to walk through walls. I believed in ghosts, alien abductions, witches, sea monsters, psychic healing, astrology, numerology, auras, demonic possession, magic spells, good luck charms, communication with the dead, parallel universes, and spontaneous combustion. If it defied and contradicted modern science, I was convinced of its truth.
I’m older now, and much wiser, and have all but let go of those childish notions. And there’s at least the glimmer of possibility that the rest of the world is doing the same.
For example, Friday the thirteenth has always been a date when many of us felt free to blame our problems and mistakes on the calendar. If we broke our glasses or spilled our coffee or forgot to feed the fish, we’d shrug our shoulders and say something like, “Well, you know what day it is.”
But last month, the second Friday in June landed on the thirteenth, and I didn’t hear anyone say a thing about it – not even the hosts of morning radio shows. When I mentioned this to a friend, he guessed that maybe people are finally becoming more rational and less superstitious. I said I hoped that was the case, but we both knocked on wood, just to make sure.
Earlier this week, I washed a long-sleeve shirt and hung it up to dry. I do this because putting my shirts into the clothes dryer causes them to shrink, and then the sleeves are too short. When my sleeves are too short, I have to keep tugging on them to cover my wrists, and that drives me crazy. Why I need my wrists to be covered, I couldn’t tell you, but I suspect that in a past life I may have been the Victorian wife of a Lord in the British Parliament. I have no evidence for this, of course, other than the fact that I sometimes dream of taking a seaside holiday, and that I get a little squirmy whenever I hear the word corset.
Anyway, later that afternoon I noticed that the shirt was almost totally dry, except for the last two inches of each sleeve. For a second, I imagined that the shirt must have been drying from top to bottom, but soon realized there’s no reason for that to happen. Rather, while the air is extracting the moisture from the clothing, gravity is also pulling some of the water down, sending hundreds of tiny rivers flowing inside the fabric and toward the ends of the sleeves. I thought this was fascinating. Then again, it seemed just as likely that some playful laundry fairies had snatched the shirt, dipped it into a nearby lake, and returned it when I wasn’t paying attention.
* * * * *
Okay, I’ll be honest. I don’t really believe in fairies or past lives. I never knock on wood, unless it’s someone’s front door. I can’t remember the last time I read my horoscope. And I don’t even know what a corset is.
I’ve worked my way through entire books on each of those once-compelling subjects. I’ve watched documentaries on haunted houses, and attended lectures on angels and UFOs. I’ve studied the secrets behind countless hoaxes, all perpetrated by charlatans who depend on our attraction to the mysterious.
I have become an open-minded skeptic. It isn’t that I won’t accept anything beyond the ordinary and the concrete. But if I’m going to make room in my head for an expanded reality, I need to justify the effort. I don’t want to waste any more energy following false claims.
And yet, I can’t say that I’ve succeeded in adhering to my own rules. I frequently indulge in mental magic, bound by the same kind of gullibility I pretend to dismiss. I refuse to discuss my own health, because I’ve noticed that every time I brag about never getting a cold or the flu, I’m sick within three days. When I go to the post office to pick up the mail, I avoid thinking about that long-awaited item, because if I expect it to be there, it probably won’t be. After planting seeds in the garden, I don’t allow even a shred of optimism that anything will ever grow.
Centuries ago, humans struggled to cope with dangers from earth and sky. They contrived intricate stories to explain the peril, and devised complex rituals to protect themselves from it. We’ve learned a great deal since then. In fact, our knowledge of the physical world is astonishing.
Still, I can sense a direct connection to those ancient people, to their fears and feelings of vulnerability. I can even envision slipping back into that state of confusion and misunderstanding. Alone in a dark house, I might wonder about the strange reflection sliding across the floor — could it be a ghost? Those indecipherable conversations murmuring in my head just before I fall asleep – is that me, or am I tuning in to someone else’s thoughts? That weight I feel in my chest when I look at photographs of the Civil War – proof of reincarnation, or just a natural response to carnage?
I’m not sure. What I do know is that I can’t walk through walls, I’ve never met a witch or spotted a sea monster, and it’s doubtful I’ll ever see the inside of a flying saucer. But none of that matters anymore. What’s important is that my sleeves are the right length.
Personal Concerns
July 6, 2014
made for a fascinating read. I must say I identified with each of the items in the list- witches, haunted houses and with astrology and reincarnation! very powerfully narrated and well defended!
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
It’s hard to be completely sure about most of these things, but when you start looking at them objectively, you realize there’s very little evidence for them. Astrology, in particular, seems to lack any foundation.
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vgfoster
July 6, 2014
Magical Thinking at its best! This post just made my day. Those laundry fairies owe me a few missing pairs of socks 😉
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
It’s been twenty-four years, and I’m still waiting for my favorite gray tee-shirt to come back. I’m beginning to lose hope.
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ranu802
July 6, 2014
And I’m so glad your sleeves are the right length, inwardly you don’t really want to be a Victorian wife, fiddling with your sleeves. I like the part where you as a child felt you had extrasensory perception, it’s awesome if one can really move walls or whatever stands in their way just by sheer will.
So you have given up the childish thoughts of seeing a ghost or anything like that.
What I liked most is you’ve given up being superstitious, Friday the 13th especially.
As always I love reading your posts.They are unbelievable.Thank you.
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
Everything is made of mostly empty space, so theoretically it’s possible to walk through walls. I seem to try almost every day, although not on purpose.
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BrettsFuture
July 6, 2014
Great story. Love your sense of humor.
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
Thanks, Brett. I appreciate that.
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Ruchika
July 6, 2014
Reblogged this on Address isn't Available! and commented:
Friday the 13th may not be all that genuine, but I like the idea of having one day in the year when you can senselessly blame all misfortunes on the date (of all things) and be fine. That said, this is one post that deserves reading by one writer I really admire.
Also, such an interesting idea! I may write my own views on this some day…
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
I just read two of your posts, and wished I could leave comments. Do you intentionally have comments turned off?
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Ruchika
July 29, 2014
Uh, oh. Comment are on for all posts.. Sigh, I guess my theme is confusing. Just click on the title of the post, so that that takes you off the home page and solely displays the post you selected. You’ll find comments in the bottom. Do leave some! I’d love to have your feedback. 🙂
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bronxboy55
July 29, 2014
I’ll try again.
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zorbear
July 6, 2014
I’m all for unwavering ambivalences — that’s the reason they have flashing lights, after all. Can I ride in yours? You can drive, but I want to work the sigh-ring…
😀
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
It would be fun to watch all the other drivers pulling over to get out of our way, even though we had no idea where we were going.
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zorbear
July 8, 2014
As long as we’re making good time, what else matters?
😛
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Andrew
July 6, 2014
Never mock the laundry fairies or they’ll never, ever let you get that tomato sauce stain out of your white shirt…
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
Andrew, I’ve never gotten a stain out of anything. Those commercials lie — even the informercials with the crazed audiences.
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Michael Gulotta
August 25, 2014
Why, that’s just not true of all laundry detergents. I like ‘Biz’. Biz is the best! Why, if the makers of ‘Biz’ asked me to do a commercial, not only would I do it, but I would do it for free!
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bronxboy55
August 28, 2014
By any chance, did you take a weekend trip to Vermont recently?
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Lesley at Lola Rugula
July 6, 2014
I read my horoscope with skepticism and would still like to think there may be a planet out there with more intelligent life than what I’m surrounded with. I have noticed the decline of superstition, though, and wonder if the vast world of the internet has made us more skeptical of a lot of things.
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
I’d like to think so, Lesley, but I keep wondering who’s still falling for those email scams.
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Lesley at Lola Rugula
July 8, 2014
Still a lot of people, unfortunately. I’d like to say it’s the older generation, but I find even people my own age (40’s) and much younger who seem oblivious to the pitfalls of the internet. *sigh*
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Elyse
July 6, 2014
Knock on wood that those sleeves stay that way even though you wrote about it.
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
As I keep saying, Elyse: It isn’t that I’m superstitious. I just don’t want to jinx myself.
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shoreacres
July 6, 2014
Nothing cracks me up more than people using technology as proof that we’ve become more rational. It wasn’t that long ago a woman drove off the Galveston seawall, because that’s where her GPS told her to go. And there’s nothing more fun than Twitter when Facebook goes down (or vice-versa, I hear, although I’m not on FB, so I can’t verify that.) Let’s see: given the choice between laundry fairies and Facebook — well, you can guess.
What I am sure of is that over-preparation fends off h***icanes. No, I’m not going to type the word. You think I’m crazy?
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
I agree with you about the h***icanes. That’s why it’s July and I still haven’t put away the s**w shovels.
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icedteawithlemon
July 6, 2014
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”–Hamlet, speaking to Horatio
Who knows exactly where the line between real and imagined lies? And while I claim that I don’t believe in astrology, magic spells, psychic healings, demonic possessions–or any other such “nonsense”–I do believe that anything is possible (in the Midwest, we call that being “wishy washy”). I also have tremendous reverence for the power of words and fear of the dreaded jinx: I will never give voice to my greatest fears and wishes for fear of lessening the odds of a desirable outcome (in the Midwest, we call that being weird).
Another great post!
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
I guess I’m wishy-washy, too. When I say I don’t believe in certain things — UFOs, for example — it isn’t that I don’t think they’re possible. It’s that I don’t think there’s any evidence supporting all the claims. Some flashing lights in the sky just isn’t enough. And I’m definitely with you on both the fears and wishes. Why mess with the cosmic vibrations?
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She's a Maineiac
July 6, 2014
While you’re an open-minded skeptic, I’m more of the skeptically open-minded type. I like to analyze things, so I tend to approach most ideas with criticism as I try to figure out how things work, but I normally end up coming to the realization that I really don’t know for much of anything for sure. However, I do strongly believe in reincarnation and I hope when I come back in my next life they have built better dryers by then.
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
You know, our dryer has been acting up lately. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of thinking about how long it’s lasted, and how it’s never had a single problem. I didn’t say it out loud, but I had the thought. And now the clothes are taking much longer to dry.
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She's a Maineiac
July 8, 2014
haha!
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earthriderjudyberman
July 6, 2014
Charles, like you, I’m an open-minded skeptic. That’s a good thing as I did meet a witch when I was reporting on stories for Halloween. To top it off, she was a he – a transgender witch. It was an interesting interview. I’ve written a couple of ghost stories and at least one on UFOs. I’m open to there being a possibility of their existence, but I’ve never seen one. And, if I had, I’d be hot footing it into the next county. 😉
I also have had a couple of extremely accurate psychic predictions. After the last one, I never contacted the psychic again because her reading freaked me out.
The quote in “Hamlet” that ‘icedteawithlemon’ has certainly nails it:
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
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bronxboy55
July 8, 2014
Judy, I sometimes wonder if today’s journalists are a little too eager to believe. I bet you struck just the right balance.
Horatio — now there’s a name that seems to have fallen in popularity.
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earthriderjudyberman
July 8, 2014
I certainly tried to achieve that balance. That was helpful in some crime coverage, waiting until the facts were known before judging the situation. Sometimes, my theory was way off base. 😉
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Rilla Z
July 6, 2014
It’s like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny for kids, kind of a reconnection with the wonder we felt before we learned inductive reasoning, right? I get that, but I don’t think I subscribe to it. Once, when my purchase at the store rang up $66.66, both the cashier and the customer behind me begged me to buy a pack of gum to alter the total. I told them I didn’t believe in that, and the worst thing that happened to me was experiencing their silent disapproval. Somehow I got over it.
So, after reading that you know nothing about corsets, you said in the next paragraph you’d read books on these things. My first thought was, “He read books on corsets?” Obviously, I figured it out, but I got a kick out of that anyway. Great post!
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
You mean you’ve never read Girdle, Escher, Bach?
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Rilla Z
July 7, 2014
Oh, aren’t you witty! And, no, I haven’t. Do you recommend it? I’ve read Flatland, if that’s comparable. It blew my mind. In a good way.
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
I can’t say that I recommend it. I tried to read it, but didn’t get very far. That’s when I found out that I’m not that smart. Is Flatland hard to understand?
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Rilla Z
July 7, 2014
Flatland is actually hilarious, especially how the females are depicted. I went in with a philosophical expectation and closed the book laughing and questioning the infinite sides of circles and stuff.
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anjali
July 7, 2014
great post! gripping to the last..became somewhat philosophical towards the end..excellent work..again! …BOL…
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bronxboy55
July 7, 2014
I’m almost afraid to ask, but what does BOL stand for?
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unsolicitedtidbits
July 7, 2014
There is a section in Gawande’s book, Complications: A Surgeon’s Notes on an Imperfect Science, that discusses hospital life on Friday the 13th. It’s absurd but true that the date puts people on edge and he gives examples.
Again, lovely post. I especially like your attention to detail. Cheers.
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2014
I’ve read similar reports about the effects of a full moon. Both seem to be a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy: you think something bizarre is going to happen, you change your behavior accordingly, and that causes the bizarre thing to happen. It pretty much explains most of my life.
Thanks for the kind words, Gwendolyn.
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Philster999
July 7, 2014
Count me in for mature rationality (but then you knew that already)!
I gotta admit, however, all that number crunching they do with the various dimensions of the great pyramid certainly makes for a compelling argument that the ancient Egyptians knew pi, phi, the circumference of the earth, the speed of light, etc. I gotta stop watching those documentaries on Netflix…
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2014
The Egyptians’ attempts to calculate the circumference of the Earth was actually where this post began. It eventually worked itself out of the picture, but it’s still something that I wonder about. A future post, maybe.
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KL
July 8, 2014
Well, that’s it. I know your problem. You can’t believe in any of those things because your expectations of what they are or do aren’t being met….. therefore? Un-met expectation Syndrome! Boom! That being said, I did tell my son the other day not to open an umbrella in the house…”Why Mum?”…. “Um….because it’s bad luck….” His answer? “Pffft. I thought you were going to say because I might poke someone’s eye out!” …..yeah well, that would be bad luck. 😉
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2014
I’m starting to think that UES may be the cause of every emotional problem there is. Have you submitted an article to the psychology journals yet?
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KL
July 9, 2014
Hmm… now that’s something…. OK…. right… if you need me in the next few days, don’t call or write, I’m busy writing up my submission. 😉
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Bruce
July 8, 2014
Charles, you said to me a while back that your specialty is half-thoughts; well, you manage to put these half to full thoughts, that we bounce around in our heads, together with accuracy and better still, humour. As for horoscopes, I reckon they would have to be true for at least one person, don’t you think? After all, how many people are there in the world?
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2014
Here’s my real problem with astrology, Bruce. Bill Gates and I were born on the exact same day — same date and same year. Wouldn’t he and I have the same horoscope, and if so, what would it say about financial success? One of my moons must have been out of alignment.
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mitchtheman
July 8, 2014
The reason it takes longer for the ends of the sleeves to dry is because they’re thicker and there’s more fabric there; at least on dress shirts. If you’re talking sweatshirts you’re on your own. lol
What’s funny is that on all the things you mentioned above I have never had any issues with any of them, including the 13th. Yet, I’ll go out of my way not to step on cracks, and I did buy the sea monkeys when I was 12 (what a gyp!). lol
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bronxboy55
July 9, 2014
“Step on a crack and break your mother’s back.” Is that how you learned it?
We bought the sea monkeys, too. I think they were tiny shrimp.
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mitchtheman
July 18, 2014
Yup, that’s where I got it from. But still following that after all these years… I think I’m nuts. lol
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rangewriter
July 9, 2014
I’m a devoted pessimist. Have been since grade school, waiting for that dreaded report card. I figured if I prepared myself for the worst possible grades, then anything more than the worst possible would be a bonus. My version of a glass half full or empty or whatever. It works. I’m never disappointed!
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bronxboy55
July 11, 2014
Some people would call that negative thinking, Linda, but I would disagree. Expecting perfection almost always leads to a letdown, and how do we measure the effect of that?
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accidentallyreflective
July 10, 2014
THIS IS ME TOO!
“I refuse to discuss my own health, because I’ve noticed that every time I brag about never getting a cold or the flu, I’m sick within three days. When I go to the post office to pick up the mail, I avoid thinking about that long-awaited item, because if I expect it to be there, it probably won’t be. After planting seeds in the garden, I don’t allow even a shred of optimism that anything will ever grow.”
Lol! Excellent read as per usual… I don’t know why I’m not receiving your posts in to my inbox anymore? I didn’t do anything to change settings.
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bronxboy55
July 11, 2014
I’m not sure why the notices have stopped. Maybe you can subscribe again?
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accidentallyreflective
July 11, 2014
Yes good idea – I’ll unfollow and then follow again.
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dearrosie
July 15, 2014
Hi Charles
Hah hah another great read. You have the gift to put words down on the page that make us think and squirm, and laugh at ourselves…
I also get more than a little squirmy whenever I hear the word corset. I guess I was also the Victorian wife of a Lord in the British Parliament. Nice.
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bronxboy55
July 16, 2014
Rosie! It’s great to hear from you. I’ve been checking your blog every couple of months, hoping you’ve gotten back to it. Are you still working at the museum?
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dearrosie
July 18, 2014
Yeah I’m not blogging. I haven’t totally stopped as you can see… 🙂
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pharo001
July 19, 2014
I think life is more fun when you let your imagination run wild. I am also an “open-minded skeptic”, but I enjoy the thought of the impossible being possible. Great sense of humor, also.
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bronxboy55
July 22, 2014
I’ve read the ideas of many skeptics — Carl Sagan, for example. One of the common themes is that there’s so much in reality that’s thrilling and mysterious, why waste time on pseudoscience and hoaxes? Still, levitation would be pretty cool.
Thanks for the comment.
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KatherineB
July 19, 2014
I love your sense of humor.. and even though my wardrobe door is mainly empty space i managed to injure myself falling heavily over a cable I was fixing… and it even broke its own hinges off so there are two big holes in it..
I have a feeling we can’t use quantum physics in everyday life nor in mysticism despite the appeal.. but an observer always makes a whatever anyone is doing.. so be aware!
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bronxboy55
July 22, 2014
I know how you feel — I kick a wall or crack my hand against a doorknob at least once a day. It’s true about quantum physics, I guess. Those electrons have all the fun.
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KatherineB
July 19, 2014
Reblogged this on How my heart speaks and commented:
You must discover this humor and talent now
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bronxboy55
July 22, 2014
Thank you, Katherine. I really appreciate that.
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strangerwithaname
July 19, 2014
Reblogged this on strangerwithaname.
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bronxboy55
July 25, 2014
Thank you. I really appreciate that, and am glad you liked the post.
Good luck with the new blog!
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silkpurseproductions
July 19, 2014
It’s funny, I noticed that barely anyone mentioned friday the 13th as well. The only reason it came up is because of a ritual for any motorcycle enthusiast that can, makes the drive to Port Dover whenever there is a friday the 13th. It is always covered on the news and has become quite a big event in Ontario. Nothing of a superstitious nature was even mentioned.
I do know people…smart people… successful people who don’t make a move with out consulting their stars or charts or psychic. It makes me laugh but then again they are more successful than I. Who knows?
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bronxboy55
July 22, 2014
I think the Reagans gave astrology a credibility boost.
What do the motorcyclists do when they get to Port Dover? (Thank their lucky stars that they made it?)
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silkpurseproductions
July 22, 2014
It’s amazing. They completely take over the town and the town has embraced the tradition. You can’t move for all the bikes and the towns folk seem to cater to them. Their economy gets huge boost a couple to a few times a year and they appreciate it. It started out as just a nice ride with a really pleasant destination and now it’s like a major event every time.
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rjreitinger
January 24, 2015
Reblogged this on sentencedtoread and commented:
Blog that make us laugh also describe the human condition. Loved this.
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guavacita
February 28, 2015
Awesome post! Yeah, we all believed that we were special in every conceivable way and that everything was special and new when we were younger. This coming of age thing rather sucks. Probably started on a Friday the thirteenth somewhere on the calendar! Thanks for a great read!
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7m cn
August 26, 2015
It’s funny when I read it But also very interesting ..))
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