My father often interpreted the misfortunes of others by saying that the person was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He’d explain that this could be a matter of either poor judgment or bad luck.
“You could even be in the right place,” he’d say, “but at the wrong time.” I guess he was trying to clarify the concept for me by providing additional possibilities. The problem was that I tended to get confused by any simple premise, and extra information only made things worse. And so I struggled with the right-place-wrong-time variation.
In order to keep it straight in my mind, I’d create examples for myself. I’d picture someone standing in line at the church bazaar, waiting to buy a slice of pizza and a root beer, when a big rock falls out of the sky and mashes them into the ground. Or they might be spending an afternoon at the zoo at the exact moment that the male lion emerges from his drunken stupor and decides he’s had enough fast food and is in the mood for something fresh, and at least a little more challenging.
You could be at the library, or taking a spelling test, or in Confession, and suddenly a hurricane completely blows away the building. And then, before you have a chance to make a move, a thunderstorm could roll in and fry you on the spot with one good bolt of lightning.
The more I thought about what my father said, the more I could sense my options fading away. Eventually, I’d have no idea where to go. Or when.
At some point, I began to wonder if it would be possible to be in the wrong place at the right time. And if so, what would that look like? On the surface, it would seem that if it were the wrong place, it would always be the wrong time. My brain hurt to think about it, but I persisted, mostly on Saturday mornings, when everyone else was asleep and there was nothing on television but test patterns and a show about farming.
What if I rode my bike up one side of an active volcano and down into the crater? That would qualify as being in the wrong place. I was pretty sure about this, even though I had never bothered to ask my parents if I could go to a volcano. They subscribed to a lot of silly rules. If I ate a sandwich, I had to wait an hour before I could go swimming, and our pool was barely two feet deep. There was no way they were going to authorize a trip to a hollow mountain filled with boiling rocks.
“The lava will melt your tires,” I’d imagine them saying, “and then you’ll have to walk home.”
But what if they did say yes? Maybe I’d ask while they were playing cards, or watching Gunsmoke, or arguing about how much to tip the paper boy. Even better, I could wait until we were trapped in one of our weekly dinnertime confrontations. I’d be seated at the table, alone with a plate of cold meat and green beans. My mother would be in the kitchen, washing everyone else’s dishes. My father would be on the couch, pretending to read the newspaper. Having failed to attract the attention of the cat, I’d have both hands clamped over my eyes, attempting to make the food disappear through pure mental power. Meanwhile, my parents, realizing they couldn’t break my will and that I was prepared to sit there for the rest of my life, might offer a deal.
“Finish your steak and you can go to the volcano.”
Then, of course, it would be a matter of timing the adventure correctly. That shouldn’t be difficult. The average volcano goes for years without erupting. With even mediocre judgment and the dumbest of luck, I’d be able to get in and out of there without so much as a blister. It was possible I’d even make it home for supper tomorrow night, when we’d be having pizza and root beer. Then I’d eat as much as they wanted me to, which would no doubt prompt my father to ask what the problem was with the steak and green beans.
“I don’t know, Dad,” I’d say. “I guess they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Ann Koplow
January 14, 2014
I was at the right place at the right time today : I found this post.
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reinventionofmama
January 14, 2014
Ann Koplow – your comment was perfect.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
Thank you both. I appreciate that you continue to read and comment here.
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Chichina Guevara
January 14, 2014
I was in the wrong place but at the right time when your post came across my computer.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
Sounds like you were at work.
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Find an Outlet
January 14, 2014
LOL funny! I think about this too, and believe the same principles can be applied to fortune as well as misfortune. When folks congratulate themselves on their brilliant success, it’s often a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Uh…I think…
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
I agree with you about success. Luck is frequently a major factor, but few people are willing to admit that — although they will blame bad luck when things don’t turn out well.
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Kathryn McCullough
January 14, 2014
There’s inevitably something wrong about either my time or place. Sometimes both are stacked against me. Okay, usually that’s the case.
Interestingly, I have a volcano post coming out tomorrow–not as fun as yours–but maybe a runner up. Mine’s called “Volcano 101: Mad-Hatter’s Guide to Cliffhangers in Ecuador.” Sounds like the wrong place, doesn’t it? LOL
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
I look forward to reading your post, Kathy. I’ve always been intrigued by Ecuador, although I don’t know why, and it’s been nice meeting someone who actually lives there.
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Allan Douglas (@AllanDouglasDgn)
January 14, 2014
Very enlightening. SO, the only combination to guarantee success is right-place AND right-time. “Or” disqualifies you. Wrong-place and/or wrong-time means you’ve guessed incorrectly… again. That explains so much about my life!
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Mikels Skele
January 14, 2014
Well, yeah, you’ve only got a 33 1/3 % chance of anything good happening. That means if you live to be 100, almost 67 years of it will have been pure hell. In my case, it means I’ve got 33 1/3 years of smooth sailing ahead of me!
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
There are actually four possibilities: WPWT, WPRT, RPWT, and RPRT. So the probability of something good happening is only 25 percent. Then again, life doesn’t necessarily follow mathematical rules.
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ranu802
January 14, 2014
Yes ‘wrong place at the wrong time’,this phrase has been tossed around for eons. You made it quite spicy by your interpretation. I always wait to read your post because it’s so full of humor and in a way describes us.Thank you. Keep writing your fan club is increasing.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
Thanks, Ranu. “Spicy” was exactly what I was aiming for.
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reinventionofmama
January 14, 2014
Considering your other posts I got a kick out of both a hurricane and a rockfall happening while you were in church. Thanks for the laugh!
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
The bolt of lightning was the one I feared the most.
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rangewriter
January 14, 2014
Hey, what’s wrong with that Skele guy? I’m definitely in the wrong place for his mathtitude! And now I understand just how traumatic your childhood was. You were denied Saturday morning cartoons?!! Wow. Me too. No wonder we are just a bit weird. Well, I mean I am, and I assume you are too, or why would I be reading….
Great post, Charles. As usual.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
I did get to watch the cartoons, Linda, but I always had to wait because I’d get up too early. I still wonder why those test patterns were all canceled — what time do kids get up now to watch television?
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rangewriter
January 15, 2014
Good question. TV cartoons appear to be available 24/7 now. Makes you wonder….? So, you’ve always been an early riser. I love getting up before the sun.
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Patti Kuche
January 14, 2014
You had a pool!
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
It was a round one, maybe ten feet in diameter, although it seemed huge to me. I remember having a lot more friends the summer we got it.
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amoulamahboula
January 14, 2014
loved it can’t wait to read your next post
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.
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earthriderjudyberman
January 14, 2014
Loved the possibilities you pondered, Charles. With my luck, Mr. Anthony’s million-dollar check will arrive when I’m out of town and the check will expire before I return. Thought you might enjoy Dr. John’s take on this with: “Right Place Wrong Time.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT4RainY-lY
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bronxboy55
January 16, 2014
Thanks for the link, Judy. And if that check does arrive, just make sure it’s signed.
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icedteawithlemon
January 14, 2014
“With even mediocre judgment and the dumbest of luck,” I have managed to survive countless wrong-place, wrong-time scenarios–but I’m so glad I was in the right place at the right time a few years ago when I discovered your blog. Thank you for continuing to inspire and entertain–I’m not prone to giggling, but with every post you do make me guffaw, chortle and snort.
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bronxboy55
January 16, 2014
The feeling is mutual, Karen. I don’t remember how I found your blog, but it’s always been one of my favorites. (It makes a great book, too.)
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icedteawithlemon
January 17, 2014
Thank you!
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Mal Content
January 14, 2014
I’m glad you brought up the “no swimming for half an hour after you eat” thing. As a kid, I remember being traumatized by a Disney cartoon in which Goofy goes swimming right after he eats, and his LIMBS TIE THEMSELVES INTO KNOTS. I spent the early part of my life thinking that’s what would happen.
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bronxboy55
January 16, 2014
My parents wouldn’t even tell us what would happen, other than that we would sink to the bottom and die.
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dpress211
January 15, 2014
This makes me think about percentages. I like the post. It’s funny!
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bronxboy55
January 16, 2014
And when you look at it that way, the percentages are pretty grim.
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ayanda
January 15, 2014
Reblogged this on ayandaaya's Blog.
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bronxboy55
January 16, 2014
Thanks, Ayanda. Glad you liked it enough to pass it along.
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silkpurseproductions
January 15, 2014
Those test patterns on TV inspired a lot of creative thinking in their day. I used to sit and stare at them until they practically hypnotized me and that’s when my mind would wander off quite like yours into solving these (right) time (right) space dilemmas. I miss test patterns.
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
I miss them, too, Michelle. I found this one just for you:
http://www.mediacollege.com/video/test-patterns/television/nbc.html
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silkpurseproductions
January 17, 2014
Oh, that’s a good one. Thank you.
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jeanjames
January 15, 2014
Really enjoyed this, kinda liked the “spicy” comment.
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
I also liked the spicy comment, Jean. And yours, as well.
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Elyse
January 15, 2014
I’m pretty sure your father was just instilling an understanding in you at a young age that life is pretty damn confusing, and it’s hard to know which end is up. That’s where those test patterns come in.
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
I understand that life is confusing, but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten.
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Diane Henders
January 15, 2014
Wouldn’t being in the wrong place at the right time cancel out the wrongness? As in your volcano example, an active volcano is pretty much guaranteed to be a “wrong place”, but if you get there at the right time, it wouldn’t be erupting, would it? Or maybe if it’s an active volcano, the wrong time is when it’s not erupting…?
Now my brain hurts… but you made me laugh despite the pain. I get such a kick out of your convoluted logic! 🙂
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
I think you and I are in complete agreement about the volcano, Diane. Which means we share the convoluted logic.
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Choosing
January 16, 2014
“Finish your steak and you can go to the volcano.”….. Love it!!! …. I try my own: The wrong place to be would be my boys messy room… but the right time could be when they are at school and I can actually throw some of the junk out! 😉 (I KNOW that is being a mean mum…. but you have to survive somehow…)
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
I remember spending entire Saturday mornings cleaning up my son’s room. It’s probably the closest I’ve ever come to being homicidal.
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Stacie Chadwick
January 16, 2014
Please don’t talk to my children. I can easily see them saying that my kale soup is always in the wrong place (our kitchen) at the wrong time (which would be anytime). =)
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bronxboy55
January 17, 2014
Kale soup? I wouldn’t say a word to your children, Stacie. I’d just quietly smuggle them out of the country and help them find new identities.
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Anonymous
January 20, 2014
Glad I was in the right place this morning to discover your blog. The introspective Bronx Boy adds depth to the humorous blog entry you shared at the library last Saturday.
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
Thanks, Anonymous Lynn. I’m glad we were both there. I enjoyed meeting you, and hearing some of your poetry, too.
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mariceljimenez
January 20, 2014
As usual, your post makes me laugh, the comments make me laugh louder… Not in the right place or the right time, as this blog is a few days old. Gladly, the email remained in the right place for as long a time as necessary.
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
It’s never too late, Maricel. Thank you for the kind words.
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Diane Holcomb
January 22, 2014
I see the beginnings of a novel here. Great character shots of the family. Another great post! Well done.
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
Thanks, Diane. I almost never think about writing novels, but maybe I will now.
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eggylittlemelody
January 23, 2014
I was searching for inspiration around WordPress. Guess I found it 🙂 Another writer to respect and learn from.
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
That’s nice to hear. I hope I don’t let you down!
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eggylittlemelody
January 24, 2014
If you could, I’d be very honored if you would read my blog and tell me what you think. It’ll make me really happy to be able to get feedback from you 🙂
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
I was just there and thought it looked great. I like the visual format, as well as the tone of your writing.
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eggylittlemelody
January 24, 2014
Wow, really? That makes me really happy. Thank you so much I’ll continue to work hard!
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Bruce
January 24, 2014
The variable’s in the saying have always made me wonder a little too Charles, although I think the meaning is mostly understood. I laughed at your Saturday morning think tank with the test pattern or farming for background. Does it still happen and is the apostrophe in variable’s correct? I’m a bit tired at the moment.
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bronxboy55
January 24, 2014
No apostrophe needed, Bruce, but I certainly understand how feeling tired can get in the way of correct punctuation.
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Marylin Warner
January 26, 2014
A funny and detailed list of consequences that might happen if either the time or place is off. I’m glad I didn’t read these as a child; I had a vivid imagination, especially for things that might go wrong, and if I’d read your examples and then started making a list, I wouldn’t have been able to stop. Good post!
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bronxboy55
January 27, 2014
Thanks, Marilyn. I wonder if you also had the other trait I struggled with — the tendency to take the wrong things literally, and to misunderstand what I was told. Combined with the vivid imagination, those things made life tricky at times. They still do.
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suburbanlife
January 28, 2014
You’ve got to be a catholic Italian (name?) man of a certain vintage. I had to laugh about family food issues you’ve exampled, and the cautions about swimming too soon after eating something. But, I know I was at the RPRT when I sought out your blog. Now, I have much reading to do in your back-list.
Just a wee suggestion. Am reading Whale Music by Paul Quarrington right now. A total blast that you might enjoy also. Has a lot of “good ones” in it. Another book with a lot of “good ones” is Telegraph Avenue by Michael Chabon.
Thanks for being here
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bronxboy55
January 31, 2014
Thanks for the kind words, and the reading suggestions. Yes, Sicilian-American, now living in Atlantic Canada. And raised Catholic. You, too?
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MSquared
January 29, 2014
So–“The lava will melt your tires,” I’d imagine them saying, “and then you’ll have to walk home,” huh? Somehow reminds me of that other piece of sage parental advice: “Go ahead, but if you break your legs, don’t come running to me.”
Thanks for the laughs!
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bronxboy55
January 31, 2014
My parents actually said the “break your legs” thing, although they sometimes changed it to “break your neck.” Either way, it seemed a little insensitive, don’t you think?
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Sandra Parsons
February 7, 2014
Why is it that our parents had this plethora of annoying, not-backed-by-scientific-facts rules? Don’t drink a pop when you just had ice-cream because it will give you a sore stomach (I think they just wanted to limit my sugar intake). Don’t squint because your eyes will remain in this position if someone startles you (huh?). Don’t read under the duvet with a flashlight because your eyesight will suffer (I wonder why I still have 20/20 vision). I’m sure Don’t ride your bicycle into a volcano would have been on the list if there was an active volcano in Berlin. I guess I grew up in the right place after all.
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bronxboy55
February 8, 2014
Sandra, my parents warned me about hurting my eyes when I’d read in bed at night, too. I guess they felt pressured to teach us something.
I’d love to visit Berlin. Have you been back recently?
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Sandra Parsons
February 13, 2014
Just visiting for a few weeks, saying good-bye to my Grandad. Back home next week, can’t wait to see my boys again!
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bronxboy55
February 16, 2014
That sounds like a lot of mixed emotions, Sandra. I hope you’re well.
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Wallace Runnymede
November 17, 2015
Reblogged this on wallacerunnymede and commented:
Time, space, space, time… it’s all in Immanuel Kant, y’know!
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