Browsing All posts tagged under »television«

Wandering Aimlessly Down Memory Lane

June 12, 2012

386

I’m getting old. I thought I was getting old ten years ago, but that was nothing compared to now. On medical forms and written surveys, I’m almost in the last age group, and at some stores I qualify for a senior citizen discount. I’ve been around a long time. Yet I can still remember when […]

Hard to Grasp

November 10, 2011

170

On the day of my birth, I was the youngest person in my family. I know this is true for everyone who has ever been born, but I wanted to claim some special distinction, even if just for the briefest moment it took you to realize that there wasn’t anything remarkable about it. The year […]

Bland is Beautiful

October 17, 2011

155

I’ve always been intrigued by boring things. I know that’s odd, because humans are wired for excitement. Our brains can stand to be uninterested for just so long, and then they go looking for adventure. If we’re in school and watching a film about the harvesting of soybeans, or if we live in Canada and […]

The Queen of Cookies

September 8, 2011

77

I sometimes fantasize about having one of those cooking shows, the kind with a set that looks like a fully-equipped kitchen, even though it’s really no more than a stove, sink, and countertop surrounded by big cameras and people holding up cue cards just out of sight. The cooking itself would be largely an illusion, […]

Now, and Then

August 5, 2011

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When I was a young boy, I wanted to travel back in time. People in comic books did it with no more effort than it took me to walk to the candy store for a box of Milk Duds. Time travel seemed like it would be fun, and the possibility of doing so was never […]

Minor Indiscretions (Part 1)

June 16, 2011

64

We all have dark, scary places we drag around from our childhood. It may be the basement, or the attic, or Aunt Trudy’s weird doll collection. Or Aunt Trudy herself. For me, it was the Confessional. The very word still evokes an image in my mind, with attached feelings otherwise reserved for thoughts of the […]

Zerophobia, and Other Fears I Made Up

December 3, 2010

40

We had two heavy, black rotary dial telephones in our house. My older brothers told me that if I picked up the receiver and dialed zero, the operator would answer. This scared me, the idea that no matter when I picked up that phone, she would be there, waiting. “Operator. Can I help you?” Operator. […]

Herd Mentality

November 29, 2010

40

I like watching nature shows, especially the ones about exotic animals. But there always comes a moment when I have to leave the room. It’s when the predator goes on the hunt, and something is about to get eaten. The narration usually stops at this point, and we can hear chewing. How they get this […]

Redecorating? Over My Dead Body.

September 18, 2010

25

The new television season has arrived, and my wife couldn’t be happier. She likes television. I tend to be in the vicinity, reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle. Her shows play in the background, inserting themselves into and out of my consciousness in much the same way that I probably reappear for her […]

It’s Been Raining for Three Days and I’m Cranky.

August 27, 2010

24

•  Why does everything I drop while I’m driving — every single thing — fall between the seats? The space is a tiny fraction of the overall area inside the front of the car. If I wanted something to drop into that narrow crevice, I’d have to try eight or nine times. But it doesn’t […]