Pick a Career, any Career

June 10, 2014

71

I’ve always wanted to be a magician. I’m not talking about one of those big-name Las Vegas stage performers with the three-year contracts and the expensive haircuts. Those guys are masters of melodrama, and a little too impressed with themselves, if you ask me. Besides, they make aircraft carriers disappear from parking lots, and I […]

Posted in: In Over My Head

When Men Were Boys

June 2, 2014

60

I can remember exact moments. It’s early afternoon on a Saturday, and we’re getting into our pale blue Chevrolet, a two-door Impala coupe. I turn sideways to squeeze into the back seat, then step onto the hump in the middle of the floor and drop next to the window on the far side. My father […]

Speaking of May 25th

May 25, 2014

52

The twenty-fifth of May is meaningful, because a lot of memorable things in history took place on that date. There’s nothing unusual about that, of course. Important situations can develop quickly, and without warning. This fact is well-documented on many television stations, which provide a continual stream of breaking news, even if that news is […]

Posted in: In Over My Head

Related by Blood

May 17, 2014

83

When we were young, my cousins and I got together at least once a week. We all grew up in big, Italian-Catholic families that were in a constant state of competition — the fathers vying to see who could smoke the most cigarettes, and the mothers to see who could have the most babies. Holidays […]

The Quick Brown Fox

May 9, 2014

70

I waste a lot of time. So far I’ve gotten away with it, because there always seems to be another tomorrow waiting to replace the yesterday I spent cleaning my keyboard and counting deposit bottles and scrutinizing the checking account statement to identify that mysterious nine-dollar charge. Weeks, months, and entire years have vanished this […]

Out of Nowhere

April 30, 2014

84

There are a lot of people in the world. You probably noticed this the last time you tried to go out for breakfast on a Sunday morning and had to wait ninety minutes for a table. The planet is crawling with human beings, all with their own unique personalities, quirks, and ways of thinking. It […]

Patently Ridiculous

April 19, 2014

58

I’m a natural-born inventor. In fact, one of my favorite activities is lying on the couch, staring into space, and dreaming up indispensable products that consumers won’t be able to resist. I do this all the time. It’s a grueling process, fraught with obstacles, delays, and setbacks. For example, occasionally while I’m lying and staring, […]

Posted in: In Over My Head