Browsing All Posts filed under »In Over My Head«

The Quick Brown Fox

May 9, 2014

70

I waste a lot of time. So far I’ve gotten away with it, because there always seems to be another tomorrow waiting to replace the yesterday I spent cleaning my keyboard and counting deposit bottles and scrutinizing the checking account statement to identify that mysterious nine-dollar charge. Weeks, months, and entire years have vanished this […]

Patently Ridiculous

April 19, 2014

58

I’m a natural-born inventor. In fact, one of my favorite activities is lying on the couch, staring into space, and dreaming up indispensable products that consumers won’t be able to resist. I do this all the time. It’s a grueling process, fraught with obstacles, delays, and setbacks. For example, occasionally while I’m lying and staring, […]

Plumbing the Depths

April 10, 2014

67

People like to explain how they’re feeling. Without provocation, they’ll tell you how bad their headache is, or how much they love pancakes, or how often they fantasize about murdering their dental hygienist. It’s this tendency to express ourselves to anyone who will listen that propels multi-billion-dollar industries, from social media to psychotherapy to television […]

Month Four, Day One

April 1, 2014

51

It’s the first of April, so it would seem appropriate to discuss the origins of April Fools’ Day. I’d intended to do just that, but when I tried to research the subject, I found it to be so dull that I almost had a near-death experience. In fact, the only interesting thing about the topic […]

Common Knowledge

March 15, 2014

78

More than sixty percent of the Earth’s crust is made up of a rock called feldspar. At least this is what I’ve read. It isn’t clear to me how anyone could be certain about something like that, because they’d have to go around digging up the whole world in order to verify that they haven’t […]

Tax Man

March 6, 2014

75

Three weeks ago, I began a temporary full-time job. The position requires me to meet with clients and interview them about their financial circumstances. Then I’m supposed to prepare their income tax returns, combining the information they’ve provided and my knowledge of intricate fiscal laws and regulations. It may not be possible to describe how […]

No-Brainer

February 16, 2014

96

Every time I get a sinus infection, I first assume it’s Bubonic Plague. And it makes no difference that the symptoms are instantly recognizable as those of the non-fatal sickness. As far as I’m concerned, I’m as good as dead. In a similar way, when my hands are cold, I do some online research and […]

Some Pointless Thoughts, on Balance

January 22, 2014

87

I tend to read a lot of books about science, because the universe is a mysterious place. In fact, it’s the most mysterious place I’ve ever been to — not including the motor vehicle department — and I’d like to understand it as much as I can. Part of the problem is that most of […]

If Not Now, Where?

January 14, 2014

71

My father often interpreted the misfortunes of others by saying that the person was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He’d explain that this could be a matter of either poor judgment or bad luck. “You could even be in the right place,” he’d say, “but at the wrong time.” I guess […]

Exposure Control

January 6, 2014

71

There are these people called paparazzi. It’s a word that always makes me think of Italian police cars, or small deep-fried desserts. But, no, they’re actually human beings. They can also be thought of as punching bags with zoom lenses. The paparazzi would prefer to be called photo-journalists, I imagine, but that makes it sound […]