Browsing All Posts filed under »Exasperating«

What Teenagers Say In My Dreams

July 2, 2010

18

We’re on our third teenager. We’ve mostly survived the process of raising two daughters and now our son is about to turn sixteen. One of the things we’ve learned along the way is that teens seem to have a limited assortment of comments and questions. I’ve compiled some of the things that teenagers say in […]

Unsolved Mystery: Drug Commercials

June 17, 2010

13

I don’t watch much television, but when I do I’m always stunned by the number of commercials for different kinds of drugs. Where did all of these conditions and syndromes come from? And most surprising: how did I get so many of them? Dry eyes, heartburn, insomnia, back pain, fatigue, restless legs, overactive bladder. I […]

Unsolved Mystery: The Wrong Number

June 16, 2010

10

Here’s one of those puzzles of life I wish I could solve before I die. Someone calls, I answer, and they ask for Betty. I tell them they have the wrong number, that there’s no one named Betty here. They apologize and hang up. Forty-five seconds later, the phone rings again. (We usually get about […]

Driving Myself Crazy (Part 1)

June 7, 2010

7

Our son turns sixteen this summer, and I’ll be sliding over to the passenger’s seat as he begins the lifelong process of learning how to drive. Over the past few months, he’s been asking a lot of questions whenever we get into the car, so I’ve been taking note of the amusing habits of other […]

I’m a Vegetarian and I Don’t Like Vegetables

June 2, 2010

108

Tell someone you’re a vegetarian and you won’t get much of a response. Suggest that you don’t like vegetables and you’re met with a similar lack of surprise. But say that you’re a vegetarian and you don’t like vegetables, and they will be all over you! I mean, you’re going to get swarmed! I speak […]

Multiple Choice

June 1, 2010

17

Have you been down the shampoo aisle lately? More to the point, when did shampoo rise to the level of deserving its own aisle? Why are there so many different kinds? And as if trying to keep track of the dizzying number of brands and variations of this product weren’t confusing enough, they all suddenly […]

Dandelion Update: The War Is Over!

May 28, 2010

3

I am announcing a voluntary cease-fire, followed by my surrender to the dandelions that have now overrun and completely taken over our lawn. We’re still working out the details of the agreement, but I have consented to stop the futile pulling of random weeds, as well as the application of pathetically expensive and ineffective lawn […]

Please Answer My Question! (About “Moonstruck”)

May 27, 2010

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I’ve seen Moonstruck, in part or in total, about two dozen times. Yet I still can’t quite understand why Johnny tells Loretta that he can’t marry her. His explanation is that his mother will die. But his mother recovered — got off her deathbed — right after he told her about his impending marriage. Why […]

Whining about Grapes

May 18, 2010

8

The Greeks introduced grapes to Sicily around 600 BC. That’s a lot of time to figure out how to do something, and ever since, Sicilians have been pretty successful at cultivating and processing those grapes for various uses. All four of my grandparents were from Sicily and my mother was born there, so it was […]

Lessons from the Dandelion

May 17, 2010

11

I guess it started about five years ago. I noticed the dandelions on our lawn were bigger, their roots stronger and deeper. Local laws concerning the sale and use of weed killer had changed, but never much of a lawn fanatic, I was unaware of the new regulations. I’d always tolerated dandelions, and if suddenly […]