My childhood was filled with peculiar sayings and expressions. I heard them so many times that I was sure they must have meant something, and equally sure that I was just too dumb to know what it was.
Most of these phrases were employed by adults who, in the way of the mid-twentieth century, strove for efficiency and productivity. There was no need for a lot of creative thought or original language, because others had already done the work. As a result, understanding could be conveyed rapidly by choosing the appropriate off-the-shelf, freeze-dried idiom: simple adjectives that had been expanded into crisp, four-word similes.
Drunk as a skunk.
Naked as a jaybird.
Dry as a bone.
Dead as a doornail.
Communication was instant, like our rice and our coffee. It was effortless, like our Kodak cameras and frozen dinners. It was convenient, like our wall-mounted paper cup dispensers. And it was satisfying, like our Lucky Strike cigarettes.
The only problem, for me, was that I could never figure out what anybody was talking about.
“I’m as sick as a dog.” My father said this sometimes. The description relies on pure vagueness, and the difficulty of verification. No one can ever know how sick a dog feels, but we can imagine. Dogs are constantly sticking their faces where faces shouldn’t go, eating things off the ground, and going outside in the middle of winter without a jacket or gloves. A patient mentions this to a doctor — that he feels sick as a dog — and nothing more needs to be said. The doctor, in turn, is armed with a ready response. “Take one of these pills twice a day. In no time, you’ll be fit as a fiddle.” The doctor, of course, can sense that the person has never gone to medical school, and probably doesn’t know much about music, either. To the untrained ear, the prospect of acquiring the health status of a finely tuned instrument sounds appealing. Also alliteration always cranks up the effectiveness by a notch or two. Fit as a tuba wouldn’t have the same bounce.
“She’s as cute as a button.” I think this was made up, on the spot, by someone who needed to say something positive about a friend’s baby, but also didn’t want to lie. There are thousands of different buttons, so the statement is meaningless. It’s like saying, “She’s as interesting as a documentary.”
“He’s as happy as a clam.” This one was especially perplexing. Clams live buried in the mud, feeding mostly on particles of dead fish. Eventually, a person will come along and dig the clams up with a shovel, throw them onto a barbecue grill or into a pot of boiling water, then crack open their shells and eat them. Whenever I heard someone say it, I had to go find a dictionary and look up the word happy.
“When you’re finished washing the car, I want it to be as clean as a whistle.” My uncle actually said this to my cousin and me one day in the early 1960s. He was probably paying us twenty-five cents each, so he wanted to make sure he got his money’s worth. We assumed he meant that the car should be clean enough to put in our mouths, although that only added to our uncertainty. I don’t remember, but he may have also insisted that the interior be neat as a pin.
“He looked as proud as a peacock.” I suspect we’re way off on this one, too. We can’t claim to comprehend the internal life or mental state of any large bird. Specifically, we’ve learned little about a peacock’s ability to experience pride. Many could very well have real self-esteem issues, including deep-seated insecurities and inferiority complexes. Yes, most peacocks have nice feathers, but looks fade. And then what?
“We were all pleased as punch.” Being culturally illiterate, I was totally confused by the punch reference. If we don’t know how happy a clam is feeling or how sick a dog is, what can we possibly infer about the emotional state of a bowl of chilled fruit juice?
My mother was the most proficient at the use of these expressions. She described things as being clear as a bell and easy as pie, and people as cool as a cucumber, old as the hills, and slow as molasses. My little brain took it all in and stored it away. But in truth, I was as baffled as a buffalo.
I made that last one up myself.
Ruth Rainwater
August 17, 2014
I’m just thrilled to bits and happy as a lark to find this little gem of a blog post.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
Thank you, Ruth. I hope you’re feeling great these days.
LikeLike
Angelo DeCesare
August 17, 2014
Good one, Charlie!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
Thanks, Ang. Let’s talk soon.
LikeLike
ranu802
August 17, 2014
How about as busy as a bee, they look busy enough to use this expression,don’t you think?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
Yes, but that one makes too much sense.
LikeLike
dianasschwenk
August 17, 2014
This post is just what the doctor ordered – Love it Charles!
Diana xo
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
I’m glad you liked it, Diana.
LikeLike
Val Boyko
August 17, 2014
Funny as hell Charlie! (?!?)
LikeLiked by 1 person
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
That may be the winner, Val, and I never even thought of it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
silkpurseproductions
August 17, 2014
All of these are definitely right as rain. Especially that last one. I think buffalo or bison will both work after all they are like two peas in a pod. And now I feel snug as a bug, although I think smug as a bug works just as well.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
I was going to include right as rain, Michelle, but I don’t remember ever hearing it as a child.
LikeLike
Mikels Skele
August 17, 2014
As well-written as a kimono!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
Actually, I was aiming for silky, so thank you, Mikels.
LikeLike
cat
August 17, 2014
… so looove your posts, Bronx Boy Charles … I am sure we grew up together in another life time or something … hi from buffalo/ coyote, porcupine country … Love, cat.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
Thanks, cat. I always appreciate your responses.
LikeLike
Elyse
August 17, 2014
This post made me smile from ear to ear, Charles. My father was infamous for sayings that we are all pretty sure he made up. They never made sense, but he said them with such force, that we always figured that they made sense some way, some how. The sad thing is that now that he’s gone, I can only remember a few “Katy BAR the door!” and “Hold Your Tickets There Might Be a Mistake!” I would love to be baffled as a buffalo again!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
I’d never heard the second one, Elyse. Here’s a link that tries to explain the first: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-kat1.htm
LikeLike
Elyse
August 18, 2014
Charles, that was terrific! I sent it off to my brothers, knowing it would make them smile, too. Thanks so much. (I think the second was picked up at a race track … second hand, I’m sure 😉 .)
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
Elyse, the racetrack explanation sounds right.
LikeLike
thecontentedcrafter
August 17, 2014
Even here, half a world away I knew them all, except for the the buffalo one – can you imagine how happy I was to see it was an original Bronx Boy? Box of fluffy ducks!!
I once said to my five year old daughter [who had just driven me insane with her morning slowness] ‘You’d better pull your socks up!” She did, with a baffled look on her face. It instantly made me aware of the stupidity of me repeating all these crazy sayings…….. but I don’t think I stopped.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 18, 2014
They don’t even wear socks anymore, Pauline. At least not socks you can pull up. Has that fashion trend reached you (or is that where it started)?
http://www.footsmart.com/Low-Cut-Socks
LikeLike
thecontentedcrafter
August 18, 2014
Oh yes. I myself have my trendy white low cut socks for wearing with my trendy white Nikes – both gifts, I’d never spend that much on socks! Currently all covered in mud from trekking puppy round the dog park 🙂
Some of the world’s greatest inventions and inventors began life here – sadly not the socks.
LikeLike
Patti Kuche
August 17, 2014
If I understood the benefit of the doubt I would most surely give it to you Charles!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
Thanks, Patti. Are you still in LA?
LikeLike
Patti Kuche
August 19, 2014
Always an absolute pleasure, thank you Charles! Yes, still here in LA where so much happens in a day, in that nothing kind of way . . .
LikeLike
vgfoster
August 17, 2014
This post is ‘right as rain’.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
I thought of that one, Vanessa, but didn’t know what to do with it. I don’t think I ever heard anyone say it, probably because they didn’t know what it meant, either.
LikeLike
vgfoster
August 19, 2014
I too grew up with so many of these things people just said because everyone had always just said them. Great trip down memory lane!
LikeLike
subodai213
August 17, 2014
I like ‘baffled as a buffalo’, although every bison I ever met or saw didn’t look baffled. In fact, they all look utterly (well, sorry) dumb as a box of rocks.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
I bet you never said that to their face.
LikeLike
subodai213
August 19, 2014
You’re pretty sharp, Charles. You’re right…;-)
LikeLike
Jess Witkins
August 17, 2014
This post made me laugh as i was just taking my 5 yr old niece for a walk and we took a longer way to our destination than planned, and she responded with the phrase, “Grandma’s gonna think we fell in!” Where did she hear that? From grandma of course.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
It’s great to hear from you, Jess — it’s been a long time. And congratulations again on your wedding.
LikeLike
Jess Witkins
August 19, 2014
I know. I’ve been terrible about reading other blogs lately. Working madly on final edits for my book and haven’t been blogging as much myself. Nice to see you! And thank you for the congrats. 🙂
LikeLike
davidpeace
August 17, 2014
This is a great post! I accepted “fit as a fiddle” as a valid saying so many times and went on my way. We are all connected in more was than one might think. Thanks for posting.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
Maybe certain expressions catch on just because they sound as though they mean something, even when they don’t.
Thanks for the nice comment, David.
LikeLike
tskraghu
August 17, 2014
Enjoyed it. Thanks.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
And thank you for saying so.
LikeLike
shoreacres
August 17, 2014
And from Texas, we offer: Finer than frog hair. Rode hard and put up wet. All hat, no cattle. We’ve howdied, but we ain’t shook. And, if you’re really, really surprised, you can say, “Well, butter my butt, and call me a biscuit.”
i do love me some Texas talk!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 19, 2014
Linda, do they really talk that way, or is it just when the tourists are around? I’m hoping they really do. I especially like, “We’ve howdied, but we ain’t shook.”
LikeLike
shoreacres
August 19, 2014
It’s real. For proof, see the post I wrote about it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
I remember that post now. Hard to believe it’s been more than two years.
LikeLike
Personal Concerns
August 18, 2014
.This is amazing stuff to read Charles. I suddenly see myself thinking about the “idioms and phrases” section from my school textbooks where these combinations were formally taught. Back then I wondered about these comparisons as well, the way you have. Just that I can not write about it so well. British English is the formal one here and I think these imports reek of that origin. Just a thought!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
It must be interesting to watch the foreign idioms mix with the local language. The results would make an intriguing blog post, I would think.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Personal Concerns
August 20, 2014
hmm..thats a great idea!
LikeLike
Doug Bittinger
August 18, 2014
I too have never understood that sick as a dog idiom (or in fact most of the idioms you mention: I’ve never seen a naked jaybird). Dogs are, on the whole, healthier than people BECAUSE they eat stuff off the ground and stick their faces where our faces fear to go. Living in a sterilized, sanitized environment does not make us healthy as a horse, it just makes us weak as a kitten in the face of disease.
I don’t even want to contemplate how we measure the emotional contentment of a mollusk.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
The hand sanitizers are everywhere, Doug. I guess we’ll be all right, as long as we don’t come into contact with a germ.
LikeLike
Chichina Guevara
August 18, 2014
It sounds like they had you completely buffaloed.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
Nothing new there.
LikeLike
icedteawithlemon
August 18, 2014
Another great post, Charles! It’s interesting that, even though every region has its own unique idioms, so many other idioms seem to be universal (although not universally understood). I remember being confused once after hearing my dad talking about “opening a can of worms”–why would anyone put worms in a can? Wouldn’t they die without air holes, and who needed dead worms? And when he told my mom there was “more than one way to skin a cat,” I was horrified. I knew he was angry every morning to find paw prints on the hood of his car, but skinning our beloved pets seemed a little extreme.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
Karen, I’d never heard the can of worms expression until I was in high school. It had me confused, too, as most things did — and still do.
LikeLike
Margo Karolyi
August 18, 2014
Wonderful post. One of those phrases that sticks in my mind from my own youth was ‘naked as a jay bird’. Don’t all birds have feathers?!?!?!? Thanks for my Monday morning smile!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
Maybe the idea was to replace an unpleasant mental image with a more acceptable one?
LikeLike
missdawn96
August 18, 2014
Haha. Love it! 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 20, 2014
Thanks, Celsie. I’m glad you liked it.
LikeLike
susielindau
August 18, 2014
I’m as happy as harmony this Monday morning.
Funny post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
I think you’re making them up, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
swamiyesudas
August 18, 2014
Hello, Charles! Tickled Brown! Made that one up, because my colour had not changed, though I WAS really tickled! Kudos. Keep writing.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
Thanks, Swami. And I’m glad your color didn’t change. You keep writing, as well — and keep walking.
LikeLike
swamiyesudas
August 21, 2014
Thank You, Charles, and Love and God Bless.
LikeLike
rangewriter
August 19, 2014
Damn, I wish I’d been born with your fine perception. I heard all these cliches and simply soaked them into my own vernacular. It is a daily battle to slay the mushrooms that pop up so organically in my writing.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
I haven’t noticed any mushrooms in your writing or your photography, Linda.
LikeLike
chagrinnamontoast
August 19, 2014
Well that was finer than frog’s hair!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
Another one I’d never heard, Misti, but a couple of people have mentioned it in the comments. Is it a regional expression?
LikeLike
chagrinnamontoast
August 21, 2014
Southern for sure. Sometimes the expression in full is finer than frog’s hair split four ways. The South’s got some good ones. Personally, I’m a fan of other country’s idioms. The Italians have a saying that roughly translates to “You can’t have a full bottle of wine and a drunk wife.” Their version of you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
LikeLike
Roaming Days
August 20, 2014
Thanks again Charles, I really enjoyed this. I find that most idioms are ‘all greek to me’. I ask other people, and I feel like I’m ‘barking up the wrong tree’. People ‘beat around the bush’, but they really ‘can’t cut the mustard’. ‘Come hell or high water’, I ‘smell something fishy’ about all these little sayings that just ooze out of our mouths. I could go on ‘til the cows come home’, but I won’t… it’s just ‘water under the bridge’…. ‘just let sleeping dogs lie’. What????
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
Ben, the thing I always wonder about is how these sayings catch on, enough that they survive for generations. What causes one to become ingrained in the language, while others disappear?
LikeLike
printedcartoon
August 20, 2014
Good post! I liked it very much even if i didn’t understand all of them. And from Romania I offer: 2 men are fighting, the third one wins; the hunger is the best cook; protect yourself from the stupid people because they have a rested mind.
I salute you!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
Those are great sayings, and I’m sure there are many more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
JunkChuck
August 20, 2014
I enjoyed the hell out of this post. Thanks–from another Charles.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 22, 2014
I’m glad you liked the post, and I appreciate the comment, too.
LikeLike
Linda
August 20, 2014
Great post! Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 22, 2014
Thank you for the kind words, Linda.
LikeLike
Bruce
August 21, 2014
Good one Charles, a fun read. I really like ‘acquiring the health status of a finely tuned instrument. I also really like ‘We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook from Shoreacres and from PrintedCartoon, Romania; 2 men are fighting, the third one wins. Have you considered the Likes being enabled on comments Charles?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 21, 2014
Thanks for the suggestion, Bruce. I didn’t even know about the Like button for comments. I just turned it on.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Christiana Pilgrim
August 22, 2014
I always appreciate the “dead as a doornail” simile because Charles Dickens was so confused by it in the beginning of “A Christmas Carol.” As for the clam thing, I think that’s from some strange person decided the curved line of the shell opening made it look like they were smiling. One that always confused me was “bold as brass”–of all the metals, that wouldn’t have been the one I’d to which I’d attach boldness….
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 22, 2014
Dickens had a clever way of using a cliche and getting away with it.
LikeLike
wheremyfeetare
August 22, 2014
Thanks for the fun read, I think I’ve heard all of these at some point in my life. Maybe a little off but I remember my dad getting home and saying he needed to ‘wet his whistle,’ as he grabbed a beer.
Was just in Yellowstone and saw lots and lots of Bison/Buffalo…some did look baffled! 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 23, 2014
Great post, Geralyn, especially those photos.
LikeLike
foxress
August 22, 2014
What a fun and clever post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 23, 2014
Thanks, foxress. I hope you’ll come back.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Angela Leese
August 22, 2014
My mother always said it was “hotter than the Dickens” which always perplexed me. Even more so when I learned Dickens is from England which is never particularly hot, compared to my hometown in Florida.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 23, 2014
I had an aunt who used to say the same thing. I have no idea where that expression came from. Is Dickens a euphemism for the devil?
LikeLike
earthriderjudyberman
August 23, 2014
Charles … I am guilty of using practically all of those clichés and I laughed all the way thru your post. I’ll be busy as a beaver trying to find the meaning behind them. 😉
LikeLike
bronxboy55
August 28, 2014
“Busy as a beaver” is one of the few that makes any sense.
LikeLike
Sean R
September 10, 2014
Nice post. In Australia,people would be as Happy as Larry (quite variable as I’m not sure how happy is Larry?) and if something is suggested as a solution that would fix your problem, then Bob’s your Uncle.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
September 12, 2014
I’d heard the saying about Bob, but never the one about Larry. No idea where it came from?
LikeLike
hhdgdav@gmail.com
November 29, 2014
very good
خرید کریو http://01.stablevpn.asia/
LikeLike
tandeso
October 14, 2015
Reblogged this on Tracy_avatar and commented:
Beautifully written. I could not stop laughing…
LikeLike
jiajiaz98
November 8, 2015
Wow.. I’m just a high school student who’s striving to get better at writing, but I really enjoy the piece you wrote along with your witty humor. Thanks for being an inspiration 🙂
LikeLike