The carols are playing in the background, pretty much everywhere I go. But I don’t hear them anymore. They seem to appear a little earlier every year, so that the first one causes me to say out loud – even if I’m alone – “Is that Christmas music?” The shock lasts for several seconds, just long enough to confound me. I glance at the calendar and see that it’s the middle of October, and in my confusion I put my bathing suit on backward. I don’t even know why I’m wearing a bathing suit, because I haven’t gone swimming since 1997. Also, it’s nine degrees outside, with the wind chill. This is a clear sign that I’m suffering from what I call Seasonal Disorientation Disorder.
Symptoms of SDD can occur at any time. In early January, when Valentine’s Day has already taken over the retail landscape, I feel unsteady on my feet, inching into the new year the way I would venture out, cautiously, onto a frozen lake. Then, before the month of February has even begun to flutter its heavy eyelids, jelly beans and Easter eggs have invaded store shelves, launching into a two-front war with the heart-shaped and rectangular boxes of chocolate. Within a couple of weeks, leprechauns and four-leaf clovers will enter the fray.
And so it goes, into spring and through summer and fall, with major holidays arriving in long, hazy periods that spread and overlap, the way cities expand outward and become metropolitan areas that blend into each other. There are now only eleven regular days in the entire year, and these are set aside for changing the decorations.
But we were talking about Christmas carols, which have been troubling me since I was a little boy. There were two girls named Carol in my class, and when I first heard the word, I was immediately baffled. For some time afterward, I believed my classmates had something to do with the songs. I assumed they were the Christmas Carols. I know you think I’m kidding, and I wish I were.
It was The Little Drummer Boy that started it all. I was in the second grade and we were doing some kind of Christmas pageant. The teacher gave us each a piece of paper. Apparently, I had a role in this event, and what we were supposed to do, I now surmise, was go home and read what was on the slip of paper, and memorize it. The only part I did correctly was go home. I don’t think I ever read my lines, and when we gathered at the front of the room to perform this show for the older grades, I was lost. All of my friends, including the two Carols, were singing pah-rum-pah-pum-pum over and over. I had no idea what was going on, or what the strange words meant.
This was followed by We Three Kings, which was filled with more peculiar language that had me struggling to interpret its hidden message:
We three kings of Oree and tar,
Bear ring gifts, we travel so far.
Feel the fountain, moron mountain,
Following yonder star.
I no longer attempt to comprehend the lyrics. Now I just try to endure, to hang on, hoping to emerge on the other end with some shred of my sanity. The problem is that there are only about six Christmas songs, each recorded by more than three hundred different people. Radio stations feel compelled to play each version of each song, every day and around the clock.
After I’ve recovered from the shock of hearing the first few, I manage to tune them out. Still, some of the phrases do slip in, usually when I’m tired and my guard is down. I’ll be standing in line at the bank, wandering around the mall, or sitting through a traffic light for the fourth time. And I’ll hear it:
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you married?”
We’ll say, “No, man.
But you can do the job
When you’re in town.”
Who the heck is Parson Brown, and why is he asking such personal questions? Also, isn’t that a disrespectful way to address a member of the clergy? I imagine myself, as a young boy, calling our parish priest “man.” I doubt I would have survived the encounter. And what does it mean that he can do the job when he’s in town? Do the job? That sounds like we’re hiring him to fix the roof. And if we’re talking to him, isn’t he already in town?
But it’s a children’s song, one that I thought I understood, that I now find most irritating, and bewildering.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
play in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee:
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you’ll go down in history!”
Then all the reindeer loved him? See, this is exactly what’s wrong with our culture. We ignore people, or treat them horribly. But as soon as they become celebrities, we love them, for no other reason than that they’re famous. The other reindeer laughed at Rudolph, called him names, and never let him play with them. Where were Santa and Mrs. Claus when all of this was going on? Didn’t it matter that Rudolph was being shunned?
I suppose that, in the end, none of it matters. The 26th of December will be here soon, and the carols will cease, at least for a few months. What’s important right now is that I get out of this bathing suit. It’s almost Cinco de Mayo, and I can’t find my sombrero.
Ann Koplow
December 21, 2013
I wish there was a “loved” button, so I could press it for this post. Thank you.
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galeweithers
December 22, 2013
Agreed!!!
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Thank you both, Ann and Gale, for the kind words.
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nailingjellotoatree
December 21, 2013
Loved the part about there being only 6 songs sung by 300 people. Sooooooo freaking true!
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
I don’t know why, but Let It Snow is the one that bothers me the most. It’s been recorded by every person who’s ever lived. No matter who’s singing it, when they get to the line, “And, my dear, we’re still good-bying,” I want to run through a plate glass window.
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Anonymous
December 21, 2013
Love it!! Thank you!
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
And thank you, mysterious one.
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Marcia
December 21, 2013
As a child I was made to follow my mother singing carols through hospitals, nursing homes, and anywhere a group could gather. I struggled with the odd words and more often than not just mumbled something. I was only there to add an alto to the group anyway. lol
Yesterday my husband and I were doing what little bit of shopping that will be done for Christmas. As we stopped to fill the car with gas, he remarked that it was the first Christmas music he had heard played through the outside speaker of the convenience store. I did a double take. What? Rolling In the Deep by Adele was playing. Oh did I mention his hearing is going? That was another appointment we had earlier – the audiologist. Maybe you could find a way to muffle your word perception and just concentrate on the music itself? Works for him.
It isn’t officially Christmas for me until I hear the original Little Drummer Boy on the radio. I participated in a choir of 500 singers to perform that once. It still gives me chills!
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Ear plugs! Why didn’t I think of that?
A choir of five hundred would sound amazing, I would think, unless it was a third-grade school concert. (I promised myself I wouldn’t bring that up.)
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gerrityaaron
December 21, 2013
Reblogged this on Schtuff That's Happened.
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Thank you. I’m glad you liked it.
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reneejohnsonwrites
December 21, 2013
Since the first lyrics of this original tune are ‘Bah humbug’, I’m posting a link. Hope you enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARq6uYSsUq0 It is ‘Christmas Wrapping’ by the Waitresses and so catchy. Merry Christmas Charles.
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
I’d never heard that song. Thanks for the link. And Merry Christmas to you, too, Renee.
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Patti Kuche
December 21, 2013
Thank you so much for this Charles, I don’t feel so lonely now! Yet, the mention of such dislike suggests we are the party poopers – “don’t be like that . . . it’s Christmas!!!!”
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Patti, I think it’s just another example of a good thing being overdone to the point where it becomes annoying.
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Ruth Rainwater
December 21, 2013
Right on! By the time Christmas actually gets here, there isn’t any Christmas spirit left. I want to go back to when Christmas wasn’t even on the radar until the day after Thanksgiving, and shopping wasn’t a contact sport.
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Ruth, part of the problem, for me, is that the year goes by so quickly, there’s hardly time to get excited about it. I always end up saying, “Didn’t we just take the tree down?”
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subodai213
December 21, 2013
Gads, I HATE the Christmas music in the stores. They don’t play the older ones, no-I bet it’s because there’s no money to be made on them, or they’re too religious. Instead of just letting that go, we are subjected to “modern’ Christmas music, sung by people like Michael Jackson, stuff about gramas being run over by a reindeer, the snowman, etc. Worst of all is hearing Frank Sinatra. Where in the world the Muzak industry dug up the album, they should rebury it. It has a series of songs no one ever heard, in the 50 era swing style, with Sinatra singing “Christmas” songs. They’re so bad you want to convert to Islam or Judaism.
I get all my ‘shopping’ done by the end of October, and avoid the stores like they were plague ridden, until after Christmas.
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
I thought I was the only one who didn’t like Sinatra. My father used to play his albums every Sunday.
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subodai213
December 22, 2013
Charles, I am so sorry. Bad enough to have to go to church on Sunday, and then have Sinatra forced on you?
That’s child abuse, to me…..;-)
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
The Italian dinner every Sunday afternoon made it all worthwhile.
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ranu802
December 21, 2013
It is a funny post again.
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Thanks, Ranu. I always appreciate your feedback.
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Willow Feller
December 21, 2013
This well-written piece is emboldening me to out myself. I will now publicly admit that I DON’T LIKE CHRISTMAS SONGS. There, I’ve said it. Thank you for providing a much safer place than Facebook for me to finally be honest. I would have been lynched on FB. Great post—thanks!
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
I hope you feel better, Willow. There’s nothing like a good confession. And no lynchings allowed here. Thank you for the nice comment.
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Diane Henders
December 21, 2013
You know, I had never even thought about that disturbing Rudolph situation until you brought it up. You have such a unique way of looking at the world! But I just realized I’ve hardly heard any Christmas music at all this year – I don’t get out much anyway, and I guess I must have tuned out the music completely. Either that or my memory is deteriorating even more than I thought… what were we talking about…?
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bronxboy55
December 22, 2013
Maybe we’ve all learned to tune it out, Diane. The songs are relentless, and so they eventually become background noise.
Merry Christmas.
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solopress11
December 21, 2013
Thank you again for a delightful story. I feel the same and have shared it on my Facebook. Just too delightful to not share!
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
Thanks for sharing it. I appreciate that, and your kind words.
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Lucy
December 21, 2013
Love your post. Here are the words to We Three Kings, the Catholic school version:
We three Kings of Orient are
Smoking on a rubber cigar
It was loaded and exploded …
God bless ye merry gentlemen ….
It’s much better when sung with feeling.
Lucy
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shoreacres
December 22, 2013
Oh, gosh – it was very, very popular in Iowa public schools circa 1955, too!
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Lucy
December 23, 2013
Has it been around that long? And here I thought prisoners of Catholic schools made that one up. Lucy
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
Lucy, I was yanked out of Catholic school after the fifth grade, so I never got to experience the older, irreverent attitude toward the whole culture. I did go to a Jesuit college, though, which was pretty jolting after seven years of public school. Do you have any more alternate lyrics, or prayers?
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Lucy
December 23, 2013
I’ll see what I can find. Wow, a Jesuit college. In the long list of conspiracy theories, the Jesuit conspiracy is at the top of the list with the Masons. Bless you my child for enduring that. I’ll get back to you on lyrics. I think there are a couple of prayers that we rewrote. Keep blogging. Lucy
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shoreacres
December 21, 2013
Well, here I am, the loyal opposition. I love Christmas music – which is not to say I love muzak in the stores. I make it a point to stay out of malls and leave the radio off during this season, which helps a good bit.
But there are hundreds of pieces of Christmas music that are gorgeous. Old French carols. Medieval and Renaissance Motets. Dulcimer settings of traditional tunes. It’s the time of year when I keep Pandora on for hours, just steeping in everything from acoustic guitar to European cathedral choirs.
Why, I even have something I suspect will bring a smile to your face. Why not try this version of “Little Drummer Boy”? You probably have seen it, since he’s Canadian, but another listen never hurts!
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
Linda, I agree that there is plenty of beautiful music available. The post office seems to prefer Andy Williams and Paul McCartney, though, at least while I’m waiting on line to pick up a package that turns out to be an oversized calendar from our insurance company.
Thanks for that link. I’d never heard of him or his version of the song.
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Choosing
December 21, 2013
And what about that silly “partridge in a pear tree”? Although I have to say it is fun to hear my boys sing “The Twelve Days of Christmas”, because they are giggling like mad between the lines (they think it is complete rubbish too, but lovely rubbish). 😉 But do you know which Christmas song I hate most? That stupid pop song “Last Christmas”- it makes me want to scream!
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
“Last Christmas” really has nothing to do with Christmas, except that it contains the word. It could just as well have been called “Last Columbus Day” and it would be the same song.
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Chichina
December 21, 2013
I loved this blog! Ah Christmas………….
My best Christmas memory is rocking my little daughter to sleep. She was about three at the time. I was singing ” Oh Holy Night” to her as she was drifting off. When I reached the place where the high note is, something went horribly awry and my daughter’s eyes flew open. She began laughing so hard I had to set her down on the floor and she looked at me and said ” Oh… my stomach hurts”…….
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
That’s kids for you. One bad note out of the whole song, and that’s all she heard. Merry Christmas.
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Chichina
December 28, 2013
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, Charles.
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cat
December 21, 2013
OMG … so funny … thank for making me smile today … Love, cat.
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
Thanks for saying so, cat. I hope you enjoy the holidays.
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Stacie Chadwick
December 21, 2013
I just typed a 1,000 word comment on my phone and lost it so I’ll paraphrase. What I was trying to say was Merry Christmas and please don’t tell anyone about my SDD!
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
I promise not to tell, Stacie. Merry Christmas to you and your family, too.
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Talkalittledo - For Life Is Funny.
December 22, 2013
Very hilarious post. And how true about Rudolf getting attention after Santa’s approval.
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bronxboy55
December 23, 2013
I still wonder if Rudolph was valued only when the weather was foggy. On clear Christmas Eves, was he back to being a nobody?
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knotrune
December 22, 2013
Seasonal decorations in stores are the urban equivalent of natural seasons. People who live in cities, driving between various air conditioned or heated buildings in air conditioned or heated cars, seeing no trees or flowers, would never know what time of year it was without them.
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bronxboy55
December 24, 2013
All the more reason to align the decorations with the actual time of year. When I see Halloween and Christmas items, side-by-side on the store shelves, I get even more confused. And I’m pretty confused already.
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galeweithers
December 22, 2013
Loved this post! Hilarious but I share many of the sentiments. Hope you are still able to enjoy the Christmas season – after you take off your swimsuit. Happy Holidays!
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bronxboy55
December 24, 2013
Thanks, Gale. The same to you. Happy New Year!
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eobonyo
December 22, 2013
How you nail every other post is totally beyond me. And I’ll keep the picture of the reindeers; relates to me a lot. And Merry Christmas.
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bronxboy55
December 24, 2013
I liked the cartoons on your latest post, too.
Merry Christmas.
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Snoring Dog Studio
December 22, 2013
Wonderful! I love this. You are amazingly funny. Frankly, I’m a bit grateful for the onslaught of Christmas Carols. My mom has been humming, “How much is that Doggy in the Window?” for almost 9 months. Thank goodness, it has finally been replaced by “Deck the Halls” and “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.” I realize that I’ll be treated to those tunes in August, but for now I’m grateful for the little things. By the way, I think “Frosty the Snowman” ought to be banned. I can’t think of a more depressing song. The poor dude is happy and then he melts!
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Have you tried playing some other music while your Mom is humming? I would think it nearly impossible to keep humming one song while listening to another. And while we’re banning “Frosty the Snowman,” can we get rid of “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney, too? Have you ever read the lyrics to that? And from what I understand, he gets paid every time the song is played.
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Snoring Dog Studio
December 27, 2013
I haven’t found a good solution, yet. I suspect I’ll be listening to her hum “Deck the Halls” well into July. And, thanks, Charles for putting that loathed McCartney tune in my head. Frankly, I cannot abide Christmas music that features a choir of children in the background. It seems so gratuitous.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
I woke up with “How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?” playing in my head this morning. So we’re even.
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Snoring Dog Studio
December 28, 2013
YUK, YUK, YUK! I’m sorry but that’s damn hilarious!
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Snoring Dog Studio
December 22, 2013
Reblogged this on Snoring Dog Studio and commented:
The hilarious, witty Charles has done it again. What a delightful read this is!
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Thanks, Jean. I’m still amazed that this blogging thing has helped me find good friends like you.
Happy New Year.
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Sherry
December 22, 2013
well done…making anyone smile with Christmas only 3 days away and still so much to do…is a major coup in itself…you have succeeded…I’ll make sure that you are in my reader for future moments when I need relief from anxiety….
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Now that Christmas is over, I hope you’re still smiling.
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chrysaliswithaview
December 22, 2013
So true. Your closing sentence cracked me up, and I so needed a laugh!
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
If the post provided a needed laugh, it was worth the effort. Thank you.
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Sue
December 22, 2013
Charles….Charles…Charles, I haven’t commented in a while but this one put a smile on my face during a horrible ice storm in Toronto. I personally love Christmas songs and listen to a station that starts playing non stop Christmas carols from mid November, It drives my hubby crazy when he gets in my car. My favorite is Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano. I feel like I can speak a little Spanish when I sing along to that one.
Thanks for the chuckles and Merry Christmas.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
I know there are still a lot of people without power, Sue. I hope you’re doing well, and that the new year gets off to a good start.
Feliz Año Nuevo!
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Elyse
December 22, 2013
As a former Christmas-music lover, I apologize for my role in it being played non-stop from October on. I am truly sorry.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
All is forgiven, Elyse. But I may be feeling differently next October.
Meanwhile, Happy New Year.
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earthriderjudyberman
December 22, 2013
To answer your question about Rudolph, note that Santa never called out his name in the story “The Night Before Christmas.” Talk about exclusion. Shameful.
I agree, Charles. The holidays do seem to blend into one another. I’m no sooner buying cards or gifts for one when I have to scramble to get decorations for the other. Confusing. Love your take on this. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
You’re right, Judy: Rudolph wasn’t even acknowledged until they needed his help. And yet he jumped right in and did what needed to be done. I guess he’s a bigger man than I am.
Merry Christmas. And I hope you’ve started your Father’s Day shopping.
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Mal Content
December 23, 2013
If “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney comes on while I’m shopping, I will leave the store. Then I will organize a boycott of that store.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
It’s one of the worst, isn’t it? He probably made more money from that song than we’ll make in our entire lives. Great. Now I’m really depressed.
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rangewriter
December 23, 2013
Yeah, and on the 26th the stores will be blaring their after-Christmas white elephant (what’s a white elephant, anyway?) sales.
I was just glaring at a stack of Christmas CD’s that I unpack each year from the box of Christmas junk. I always place them there by the CD player, thinking won’t it be fun…? But then I can never bring myself to play them because, even though I’ve got a few great ones that no one else would think of…like Spanish Guitar and what not…by the time I have my Christmas box unpacked, I’ve already heard way too much Christmas music in the grocery store, the doctor’s office, the elevator, the vet’s office, the bank, on my way through the dreaded commercial TV stations, the hardware store. . .
Have a merry whatever, Charles. 😉
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
It looks like we’ve survived another one, Linda. I have no idea what a white elephant sale is, but I hope we’ll survive that, too.
Happy New Year!
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Martin Tjandra
December 23, 2013
Isn’t that there are already a few more number of new Christmas songs? But I agreed on why only traditional kind of Christmas songs are recorded and played over and over. Thank God I rarely feel bored with their tune. But sometimes I just want to sit quietly while hearing for the silent rain rather than hearing all those Christmas carols. Hahaha.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Martin, we’ve been getting snow almost every day, so a little silent rain would sound pretty good to me, too. I hope you had a great Christmas.
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1of10boyz
December 23, 2013
Reblogged this on middlekingdom1of10boyz and commented:
This is Classic. This is why I love following Bronxboys blog, he knocks ’em out of the park when he is on his game. This one is definitely a homerun. I dare you to read it without at least smirking and I know some of you will LOL. Good Stuff.
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Thank you. I’m honored that you would give me space on your excellent blog.
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vintageattitude
December 23, 2013
Brilliant. I have been banging on about this for years and you just expressed it so wittily! Thank you…..and Merry sodding Christmas!!!
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bronxboy55
December 27, 2013
Glad I could help. And Happy Sodding New Year! (Am I allowed to say that? I don’t even know what it means.)
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hemadamani
December 23, 2013
OMG!! you’ve brought back some childhood memories back, and How!! I studied as a resident student at a school run by nuns and Christmas music was so much a part of the calendar. We loved it though because it lasted just a week or so and more importantly it meant that Christmas was round the corner and that meant the ‘Christmas party’ and THAT meant some Yummy FOOD! And that was all that mattered!! Loved your version of ‘We Three Kings’. Still laughing!! 🙂
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bronxboy55
December 28, 2013
A week sounds just about perfect, Hema. But when it goes on for months, the novelty begins to wear off.
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hemadamani
December 23, 2013
And MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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bronxboy55
December 28, 2013
Merry Christmas to you, too.
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Terri S. Vanech
December 23, 2013
Ah yes, The Drummer Boy. Single most grating Christmas song. Ever.
Try to have a Merry Christmas despite the aural assault! 😉
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bronxboy55
December 28, 2013
I don’t know if it’s the most grating song, but it’s one that brings back uncomfortable memories. But speaking of memories, this year has been an unforgettable one for you, hasn’t it? I hope 2014 is even better.
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Terri S. Vanech
December 28, 2013
Why yes it has!!! Thanks for remembering! Wishing you all good things in the new year!
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georgettesullinsg
December 23, 2013
Bathing suit on? Well, Mele Kalikimaka to you!
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bronxboy55
December 28, 2013
I heard that Bing Crosby song last year. I don’t know if I’d ever heard it before, but it had me wishing they’d play “White Christmas” instead. And that’s saying something.
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Ashley
December 23, 2013
Hilarious! Can we skip winter and head straight to Cinco?
My oldest child has a birthday right around Thanksgiving, and that is her holiday – so we don’t even think Christmas until Black Friday. Feliz Navidad is the song that gets on my last nerve:/
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bronxboy55
December 28, 2013
That one seems to be on everyone’s list, Ashley.
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Dounia
December 23, 2013
As much as I love Christmas and Christmas carols, you are absolutely right about them being played far too much and way too early in the year! And it’s been quite some time that I’ve had those thoughts about Rudolph – it’s really a terrible story and yet it’s one of the biggest children christmas songs. Not a good lesson to be teaching. Also, I agree that all the radio stations seem to have the same 10 songs on loop…
Thanks for this great post (like all your posts!) and a very merry Christmas to you and your family!
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
The Rudolph thing has been bothering me for a long time. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.
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Astra
December 23, 2013
Oh – I may never sing We Three Kings without “moron mountain” !!! Merry Christmas! You really have to be ahead of yourself to get over SDD don’t you?!
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
The symptoms never completely disappear, Astra. We might stand a chance if it weren’t for Easter and Hanukkah.
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gleaningthenuggets
December 23, 2013
moron mountain, LOL! Dare I say “Merry Christmas”? 😉
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
You may, and thank you. Happy New Year.
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Sandra Parsons
December 23, 2013
Hah, just yesterday, when my little monster sang the Rudolph song, I commented on how these other reindeer are very superficial and if I was Rudolph I wouldn’t want to play with them if they paid me for it. I think it was a bit lost on my 4 1/2-year old.
Also, I am with you on the whole carol malarkey. Out here, at least they only started playing them a few days ago. I guess 27° Celsius don’t mix well with sleighbell ringing and hohohos. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Superficial and cruel. Your little monster will figure it out, eventually.
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Sandra Parsons
December 23, 2013
Oh and PS: I am typing this while legitimately wearing a swim suit. I knew there had to be a good reason to become a dive instructor. 🙂
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Speaking of cruel. You had to tell me it’s 27 degrees? We’ve had snow for the past nineteen days in a row.
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Bruce
December 24, 2013
Christmas Carols priceless. Reindeers on Facebook, excellent but I believe it. Merry Christmas Charles
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Merry Christmas, Bruce. I hope you’re well.
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jeanjames
December 24, 2013
I have to agree Christmas music while shopping for Halloween costumes puts a little damper on the Christmas Spirit, but I have to admit I’m one of those sad saps who brings my kids around the neighborhood Christmas caroling for a cause. I enjoyed your post very much. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Easter!!
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Thanks, Jean. But you skipped right over Presidents’ Day.
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gliderpilotlee
December 25, 2013
Great, so we get misled before the 3rd grade, and — Everyone appreciates that you made it through. The couple kissing good-bye. Yeah, when we were 16 — that was precious! oh- the word(s) one I remember Under age 5 deo —- dorant. what the hell is that?
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Our heads were filled with confusion, weren’t they?
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raghu198
December 26, 2013
Funny post. Liked it very much. 🙂
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
Thank you for reading it, and for your comment.
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Aussa Lorens
December 27, 2013
Ha! Love the lyrics to “We Three Kings” and I’m pretty sure those are the real ones. Rudolph has always really bothered me– classic case of bullying right there!
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bronxboy55
December 29, 2013
How did Rudolph ever trust anyone after that?
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Aussa Lorens
December 29, 2013
Seriously! Naive little reindeer…
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lolarugula
December 28, 2013
“…There are only about six Christmas songs, each recorded by more than three hundred different people” is the line that finally tipped me over into full-blown laughter! Nicely written. I have to tell you, I’ve seen Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer just about every year since I was a kid and this was the first year I really noticed that Rudolf is apparently shunned initially by just about everyone in town, including the adults. I felt like it was the first time I’d ever seen the damned show. I was morally outraged at the cartoon adults.
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bronxboy55
December 30, 2013
I think as children, we were forced to focus on the story’s happy ending, and the unpleasant build-up was glossed over. Unfortunately, it seems to accurately reflect our society in too many ways.
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Pivotal Matters
December 28, 2013
“Silent Night”: A wonderful tale of infanticide.
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bronxboy55
December 30, 2013
I’ve always had trouble with the “tender and mild” line in that song. It makes me think of a casserole, or something.
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She's a Maineiac
December 29, 2013
Hilarious! Thanks for my early Sunday morning laugh. I’ve always wondered the same thing about Parson Brown. They called him “man”?? And I loved “isn’t he already in town?” You kill me, Charles. Happy New Year to you and your family!
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bronxboy55
December 30, 2013
Obviously, this person isn’t really interested in getting married, and is just stalling. (“Of course I want to marry you. But only if the snowman performs the ceremony.”)
Happy New Year, Darla!
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silkpurseproductions
January 12, 2014
Oh, Charles, I’m afraid I am guilty of the multiple artist playing of a song. About the 5th time in on a song He-Who starts asking me why I have to listen to everyone sing the same song. Just pick one and listen to it then move on. My reply is always the same, “Every one needs to be played at least once for Christmas”. He use to be safe from this as I had all the Christmas CDs stacked in my car player and he seldom was in my car. This year…no car. According to my ITunes I have 288 Christmas songs which is 6 hours and 41 minutes. My rule is to not start until December but to play every one at least once.
I know you are on the East Coast and probably had a run in with the ice storm that left us without power for several days right up until Christmas Eve morning. Poor He-Who. I was stuffing my CDs into his car whenever I could and when the power came on I had my computer playing none stop.
I know it is crazy and some of them I don’t even like (there is a very weird Doug & the Slugs one that I am trying to figure out a way to lose). It won’t change though. Every time I hear a Christmas song my Mom is standing right beside me singing in my ear. Her singing, especially at Christmas is my strongest memory of her and I will cling to it always. Although, I have to admit she is probably shaking her head at me when Doug & the Slugs comes on.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
I pity poor He-Who, but I understand your emotional attachment. There must be some way to compromise. At least get rid of Doug & the Slugs.
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lostnchina
January 13, 2014
Christmas is my favorite holiday and whats makes it doubly great are the X’mas carols. I’m talking about the old standards sung by Bing Cosby and such. This year, I noticed my online radio station started offering the X’mas carols in early November. Costco had its X’mas section way back in October. So, you’re right – it’s getting earlier every year.
PS: If the bathing suit of which you speak is purple with a lavender trim and tummy control panels, please send it back to my PO Box in Seattle and we shall never speak of it again.
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bronxboy55
January 15, 2014
Not your bathing suit, Susan. I can’t wear lavender — it makes me look like a dead person.
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