When I was in kindergarten, I found out that you could mix red and yellow to make orange. It was a magical moment for me, as if the universe had just pulled back the curtain and let me in on a prime example of life’s most vital secrets. But the feeling didn’t last. I soon realized that this knowledge had no application in the real world. I could open any box of crayons – even the basic pack of eight – and there would be an orange one, wrapped in a paper sleeve, its top sharpened to a smooth and chiseled perfection. It would be standing there among its fellow crayons, all straight and pointy and lined up like a rainbow of small Atlas rockets. There was no need, I decided, to mix red and yellow. In fact, doing so would leave at least one of the crayons with a smudge from the other, producing unwanted orange blemishes on the next few lemons, raincoats, apples, and fire trucks I attempted to color.
On the day I got my first box of 64 crayons, the color-mixing idea was finished for good. That’s when I learned that there’s a difference between blue-green and green-blue, and that there was something called raw sienna, although to this day I’m not sure what that is. The box even included flesh, a chalky shade of beige that made the people in my coloring books appear as though they were suffering from some untreatable infection. The flesh crayon was later renamed peach, which sounded better but still caused everyone to look like they should go to the hospital.
That experience taught me an important lesson: Something could possess the luxury of truth, and yet be a waste of time. I also discovered that things aren’t always what they seem. When my mother told me those beautifully-wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree at the bank were just empty boxes, I was certain she was lying, or misinformed. Even now, whenever I visit my local branch in December and see the presents under the tree in the lobby, I have to remind myself not to tear them open. But that’s an anomaly, a vestige of childhood innocence that lingers, I think because I never saw actual proof that the boxes weren’t filled with toys. For the most part, I’ve wised up.
I’m not saying I learned the lessons right away. First I had to waste four to six weeks of my life waiting for X-Ray Glasses to arrive in the mail, and this after paying the hefty $1.85 price tag and an additional twenty-five cents for postage. When they did finally arrive, the glasses turned out to be defective, and failed to help me see through walls, skin, clothing, or anything else. Weeks later, I purchased from the same company their Police Style Handcuffs, which were made of plastic and couldn’t have restrained King Tut’s mummy for more than fifteen seconds. Then there was the two-sided nickel, disappearing ink, and a gadget you could employ when you wanted to throw your voice. I had never thought about throwing my voice before, but once I was aware of the possibility, it seemed like an indispensable skill. The last thing I bought was the Secret Book Safe, which was designed to thwart burglars from finding your valuables. Of course, by that time I didn’t have any money left to hide, and the only thing I owned that had any value was my box of half-peeled and broken crayons with the built-in sharpener in the back. To my credit, I lived through the 1970s without ever buying a pet rock, a mood ring, or a Nehru jacket.
Taking it a step further, I learned to spot the dubious nature of conventional wisdom – those widely-accepted beliefs that are based on shaky facts and hand-me-down thinking. Like that button you see at busy downtown intersections. Its alleged purpose is to stop traffic and give pedestrians the WALK signal, which allows them to cross the street safely. But that button isn’t connected to anything, and is just there to give you something to do while you’re waiting for the light to change. The people in those cars are ambassadors and movie stars, and some of them are commercial pilots on their way to the airport, and there’s no way they’re going to sit there burning gasoline at four dollars a gallon just so you can go to the dollar store to get that 89-piece set of needle-nose pliers; they’re just not.
Here’s another thing I don’t fall for anymore: The jewelry scam. Specifically, diamonds. According to science, diamonds are millions of years old, the result of intense heat and pressure that builds up far below the Earth’s surface. Because of the conditions required to form them, quality diamonds are rare, and therefore worth a lot. Have you ever been to the mall? I have, and I notice that every mall has four or five jewelry stores. Each of those stores has a bucketful of diamonds of all shapes and sizes. If I leave the mall and drive to the next town, I find more jewelry stores, each with locked glass cases overflowing with diamonds. I suspect you live within a few miles of the very same kind of retail establishment. We can also order diamonds from catalogs, websites, and professional salesmen starring in late-night infomercials.
Diamonds aren’t rare. You know what’s rare? A car with Alaska license plates. I think I’ve seen three in my life. A 1909 Honus Wagner rookie baseball card; I’ve never seen one, and likely never will. When was the last time you saw a shoe horn, a pipe cleaner, a rectal thermometer? I know they exist, probably in every home, but they seem to be hidden away, along with the diamonds and other so-called valuables. I don’t own any of those items. I have nothing made of pure gold, either, although I’m told you can make gold by mixing yellow and orange, and then adding a little silver. Then again, why would I bother? My newest box of crayons has more than a hundred different colors. I’m sure gold is in there somewhere, along with blue-green, green-blue, peach, and raw sienna.
* * * * *
Most of the original artwork for the cartoons in this post was done by Ron Leishman.
Thanks to my new writing group friends — Tom, Karen, Phil, Pam, and Grace — for their feedback, and for making me feel welcome.
Ruth Rainwater
October 21, 2012
And here, all this time, I thought I could magically stop traffic by pushing a button! Thanks for bursting my bubble!! 🙂
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
You’re welcome, Ruth. I was going to mention the elevator button, too, but decided this was enough disillusionment for one day.
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Elyse
October 21, 2012
My Mom never let me buy those products. I’m pretty sure I’d be much wiser today if she had. Sigh.
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
Believe it or not, those mail-order companies are still around, and still selling many of the same useless items. So it isn’t too late. The prices have gone up, though. Postage, too.
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shoreacres
October 21, 2012
I noticed that you didn’t tag this as “humor”. For some reason, that bothers me. 😉
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
Linda, my first big box of crayons had both raw sienna and burnt sienna. I remember wondering what color cooked sienna would be. In fact, I still imagine medium-well sienna (with just a touch of pink in the middle). I’m not sure if that’s funny, or a little unsettling.
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frances
October 21, 2012
Had to laugh at the traffic button bit…..aka. pedestrian pacifiers! Every time I push one, which is almost always, I am painfully aware that I am wasting my time, and energy. Yet I still do it.
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
“Pedestrian pacifiers.” I wish I’d said that.
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Margie
October 21, 2012
You were fortunate, as were many of us, to have had the freedom as a child to learn these lessons. I’ve seen an awful lot of gullible adults who must not have had these learning experiences when they were young.
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
Margie, I think you’ve just answered the question I’ve been asking for years: How can so many otherwise intelligent people continue to fall for obvious scams? Maybe they missed out on the essential childhood training that comes from mailbox disappointment. So I guess the Electronic Lie & Love Detector that I bought wasn’t such a waste of money after all.
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wilson's writing world
October 21, 2012
You didn’t get a Nehru jacket or a pet rock?
Oh, man – you were deprived!
I am so sorry…..
So here’s a BIG hug to make up for it 😉
L
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
Nehru jackets were popular for about a week and a half. I ordered one, but by the time it arrived, it was too late. Thanks for the hug, Linda.
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wilson's writing world
October 22, 2012
You are most welcome, sir. A small price for the pleasure you bring. Here, have another – BIG HUG!
The BIG question THOUGH, is do you still have the jacket?
If so, get it on. Buck fashion. Be a trend setter.
My boys – both in their early 20’s – have Nehru suits, not just the jackets. Admittedly they bought them a few years ago when in their mid-teens and some band or other (Muse? Red Hot Chilli Peppers?,someone like that) were sporting them. But I’m sure if they still fit they would wear them.
Correction – I know they would – I’d insist!
L
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Lisa Lou
October 21, 2012
Raw Sienna – the ugliest color in the box. 🙂
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bronxboy55
October 22, 2012
I don’t know about that. There’s a color called Purple Mountains’ Majesty.
http://www.crayola.com/explore-colors/purple-mountains-majesty.aspx
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Lisa Lou
October 22, 2012
That may come in as a close second.
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Sarah
October 21, 2012
Thanks for this, Charles. You know I always enjoy the wit and practicality that you weave so seamlessly into your posts. While I’m slightly (but only slightly) younger than you, I do recall all the fad items you mentioned. A ’70s fad that I did fall for was sea monkeys, which my friend’s mom promptly flushed down the toilet. As for the shoe horn, pipe cleaner, and rectal thermometer, if we were in my parents’ house right now, I’d be able to direct you to any number of each. (This reminds me: I recently had to show my 18-year-old students a rotary phone because they had never heard of (let alone seen) one!)
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
We had the sea monkeys, too. Big letdown. Your mention of the rotary phone reminded me of those high-tech “cellular telephones” from the early 1990s — the ones that people carried around in a suitcase. You occasionally see them in movies, and it instantly dates the film, just as much as cars and hairstyles do.
Thanks for the comment, Sarah. Your encouragement means a lot.
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Angelo DeCesare
October 21, 2012
Charlie, I owned a Honus Wagner baseball card, but I used it in the spokes of my bike to make a Putt-putt sound. I have the feeling that your blog is a metaphor for the current US Presidential election. We have a choice between the x-ray specs and police-style handcuffs.
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
I had a Honus Wagner, too, but it was the one you had to cut out from the back of the box of Frosted Flakes.
I agree with you about the election, Ang. They both also seem to have learned how to throw their voices. And didn’t Romney offer Obama a suspicious-looking stick of gum after last night’s debate?
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Betty Londergan
October 21, 2012
Wow … I really REALLY wish I could be in your writing group! I’d love to have the chance to read more of your hilarious, insightful stuff — but then, your work would probably leave me feeling terribly insecure, so maybe I’m better off just reading your posts! I love that you were so “naive” and believed so hopefully in X-ray glasses and voice-throwing instruments — an indispensable skill for SURE! Your parents must have delighted in you as a young boy — and btw, I possess a shoe horn, pipe cleaner, an Alaska license plate (not mine) but alas, no rectal thermometer. Even I couldn’t handle that one!
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
It would be fun to be in a writing group with you, Betty, but I’d be the one feeling insecure. Your blog is informative and entertaining — and it’s helping people all over the world.
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writingfeemail
October 21, 2012
I’ve thought the same thing about antiques. If there are so few antiques, which makes them so valuable – like said diamonds – why are there shops all over every town specializing in them? Where do they come from? Surely there is some point when all of the antiques would be purchased and there were no more around. Of course, I have an old cabinet tv set and a vcr. Think I could pawn these off as antiques?
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
I don’t know if this happens where you live, Renee, but I drive past antique shops almost every day and see what appears to be quality furniture that sits outside — exposed to rain, heat, and even snow. What does that say about the value of that stuff?
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hemadamani
October 21, 2012
wonderfully put together.. and, my God!! you are so right about diamonds. definitely not rare.. thanks for opening my eyes… 🙂
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
And now I know you’re not in the jewelry business, Hema.
Thanks for the comment.
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Stephanie
October 21, 2012
The buttons usually don’t stop the traffic, but they can trigger the pedestrian lights and give you longer to cross. The intersection near my place has a main road with a minor road crossing it. If you don’t push the button, the red traffic lights will stop the main street traffic, but for a very short time and there will be no pedestrian light. If you do, it will give a longer time to cross and you get the little walk light. Just saying. (There’s also one a block up and every time you hit the button, this weird mechanical man voice says, “Wait!”)
I think mixing colours is more applicable when you’re using paint. Or play-doh. I forgot about “flesh” colour crayons. I’m guessing they got rid of it once someone realized it was completely racist. I also remember agonizing over whether things should be blue-green or green-blue. Actually, I think I spent quite a lot of time when I was young pondering the crayola colour names. It probably improved my vocabulary, come to think.
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
Yeah, well, that’s Vancouver. The rest of the world is a lot more dysfunctional, Stephanie. As for the crayons, I think that was the problem with the flesh color. Indian Red was another one they had to get rid of. Crayola said the name referred to a pigment from India; that may be true, but it was still an unfortunate coincidence.
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Uber Cool Doug (@AllanDouglasDgn)
October 21, 2012
Thank you for bringing enlightenment, Charles. I never knew that those walk buttons we bogus, though I have suspected it. That is one reason I dislike going to the city. Any city. I much prefer living out here in the sticks where things are pretty much what they seem to be.
Now, as to valuables: You have to be right about diamonds: I see them everywhere and have just blindly accepted the mantra that they are rare, thus valuable. I have a shoehorn on my bedside table and I use it once a week to get into my Sunday-Go-To-Meeting shoes. I have a whole package of pipe cleaners in my workshop finishing cabinet – they’re probably antiques. I’m pretty sure we do NOT have that specific type of thermometer. At least I hope not. But two out of three probably means I’m far richer than I think. And I thank you for pointing that out as well.
As for useless knowledge, when I was in school my teachers told me that algebra would have limitless uses and I’d need this skill to get through life. They lied. I’ve never once had to calculate the meeting point of two trains leaving cities on opposite ends of a track and traveling at different speeds. Geometry is another matter. I frequently need to compliment angles and theorize Pythagoreans. Geometry is very useful, algebra – nah!
It is truly amazing what society tries to foist off on us meaningful. Thank you for the eye-opening.
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bronxboy55
October 23, 2012
Remember learning the names of clouds? They all looked different in the diagram, but when I look up at the sky, things are a lot fuzzier. I also remember having a quiz on the parts of the microscope. Fascinating.
Thanks, Allan. Is it okay that I added your new blog to my blogroll?
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Uber Cool Doug (@AllanDouglasDgn)
October 24, 2012
Yes, please do – I plan to keep this one operating come hell or high taxes.
And I thought fuzzy clouds just meant I needed new glasses…
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Personal Concerns
October 21, 2012
Have always had a love-hate relationship with the fond memories of that little color box from school. I was always a very bad sketcher and a pathetic painter. This post reminded me of that confusion and of that helplessness. Enjoyed reading it!
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
I didn’t mean to bring back feelings of confusion and helplessness, but I’m glad you liked it anyway. Thanks for the comment.
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marymtf
October 21, 2012
My first colouring in things were Derwent pencils, so no smudges.I didn’t go down that path until I was an adult. That’s when I found out about those empty gift boxes at the bank.
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
I went from crayons to colored pencils, Mary. The results were a lot more satisfying. Hey, where’s your blog?
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marymtf
October 24, 2012
Same place it always was, Charles. Ooh, err, has it fallen off the radar do you think? Here it is, I’d appreciate it if you could let me know.
http://marysomnibus.wordpress.com/
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Michelle Gillies
October 21, 2012
I have a shoe horn. It is one that has a very long handle and I use it every day. I feel like I am living in the lap of luxury now. 😉
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Now all you need is a back-scratcher and one of those little personal fans.
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onlyspartanwomen
October 21, 2012
That’s funny–I just had that same conversation about diamonds not two days ago! If we all recognize it’s the world’s biggest scam, why do so many people continue to buy into it?!
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
I think because they’re sparkly.
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onlyspartanwomen
October 25, 2012
Ah yes! So true!
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Val
October 21, 2012
You’re right, a car with Alaska plates is rarer than diamonds. I’ve never seen one in Wales. Ever. In fact, I doubt that a car with Alaska plates (if such a car with such a set of plates were to even exist) would find it’s way to Wales. Ever.
Alas, I have seen pipe cleaners, shoe horns and rectal thermometers (and no, I’m not going to tell you where I saw them).
As for the unnecessary red and yellow make orange, well… the thing is…. there’s orange, and then there’s orange, and someone else’s idea of an orange crayon, ain’t necessarily my idea of an orange crayon! (And actually I don’t like crayons. They don’t taste as good as chocolate.)
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Val, I thought of you when I wrote that mixing colors had “no application in the real world.” You’ve certainly disproved that ridiculous idea with your many incredible paintings. As for the taste of crayons, the only one I ever tried was Melon, and that was disappointing — but it may have just been out of season.
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greenroomgallery
October 21, 2012
Thanks Charles, I love M.B.I, digested with my breakfast, can’t think of a better way to start the day. I couldn’t agree more about the diamonds, I don’t get what the fuzz is about. I grew up with a doctor and a nurse in the house (dad and mum in that order) so rectal thermometer was a given. We also had a human skull hanging around. For a long time it was up on a shelf in the basement. Later on my sisters and I would fight over whose turn it was to have the skull in our room while the bare thought of the rectal thermometer would send shivers down our spine.
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Any idea where the skull is now? How does something like that get passed down to the next generation?
Thanks for the kind words, Charlotte. Or may I call you Lotta?
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greenroomgallery
October 25, 2012
I had this idea of putting a light bulb in side and making it my bed side table lamp ( I know what kind of morbid child was I ) however my parents divorced and a lot of stuff just got lost in the mess of it all.
Yes, since I don’t have to explain with the lotto thing, Lotta is fine 🙂
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Sandra Parsons
October 21, 2012
Hah, traffic buttons in the UK do work. Except no-one uses them because it is completely legal here as a pedestrian to cross the road on red. Ok, I lied, people do push those buttons but then they don’t bother to wait until the light turns green. They just find the next gap in the traffic and cross. Which is why now a number of these pedestrian lights are actually equipped with little cameras that monitor the waiting area and switch off the demand button when the pedestrian in question has crossed before the light had the chance to turn green. I kid you not! Did I mention that island monkeys are funny sometimes?
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
So if there’s a group of people waiting for the light and one impatient pedestrian crosses early, everyone gets punished? I wonder if my third-grade nun designed that system.
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Sandra Parsons
October 24, 2012
No, the camera would pick up that the patient group is still there and not delete the demand. But more often than not the herd instinct then causes everyone to follow suit. Except this concerned mother who is desperately trying to teach her 3-year old NOT to cross at red. Oh well.
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Tom Marshall
October 21, 2012
Great post. I was fortunate enough to hear Charles read it. It was a stitch. There needs to be an audio button so others can hear it as well.
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Thank you again, Tom, for welcoming me into the group. I’ve met a lot of amazing writers since I started blogging two years ago, but it was nice to meet a few in person. I’m looking forward to the next meeting.
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charlywalker
October 21, 2012
Diamonds aren’t rare…….they are WELL DONE …and a girl’s best friend….
This was very colorful. Thanks for sharing.
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Thanks, CW. I was afraid this post was like most of my crayons — pointless.
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earthriderjudyberman
October 21, 2012
You’re far smarter than I am, Charles. I am a victim of mass media hype. I still have my pet rock and mood ring from the 70s. The Nehru jacket? For the 6 weeks it was in style, I had two. 🙂
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bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
Can I borrow some 8-track tapes, Judy? I can’t find my Partridge Family Greatest Hits.
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earthriderjudyberman
October 24, 2012
We finally gave the 8-track tapes away. But I do have LPs, 45s, cassette tapes, VHS tapes and much more. 🙂
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1of10boyz
October 22, 2012
I grew up in a small 2-horse town in Wyoming (ok, maybe one was a small pony), the nearest traffic light with a pedestrian button was over 200 miles away. I was 19, living in Southern California, before I experienced the non-functioning walk button. Disappointed to learn now that it didn’t make a difference for the crossing light. Suppose you are going to tell me bad things about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too.
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
It’s worse than that: I recently found out that Wyoming doesn’t exist. Nevertheless, I hope things are going well for you in China.
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1of10boyz
October 25, 2012
Wyoming only doesn’t exist related to Presidential Elections. It is tough to be relevant with 3 electoral votes. My little village here in China, which doesn’t show up on most maps has 700,000 people, about 150,000 more than the entire State of Wyoming. Yup, Wyoming is pretty much nonexistent, but Yellowstone is nice.
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Ashley
October 22, 2012
I ordered X-Ray glasses (my quarters were taped to the order form), and NEVER GOT THEM. I think this may explain my slight phobia regarding internet purchases.
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
Now you have me wondering which would produce the greater disappointment — getting the X-Ray glasses, or not getting them.
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rangewriter
October 22, 2012
I must repress the urge to kick those lightweight fancied up boxes piled so artfully under the Christmas tree at the department store. With all the stuff in a department store, you’d think they could afford to put something besides air in those boxes.
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
I went to Las Vegas a couple of years ago, and the entire Strip reminded me of those fake, empty Christmas presents at the mall. Everything looked great, but it was mostly a facade.
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She's a Maineiac
October 22, 2012
I am officially blown away here. Those little buttons at the crosswalks don’t work?! This is just madness! Makes me wonder about all the other things out there in the world I don’t know about. I won’t be able to sleep tonight now, Charles. Thanks.
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
Come on, Darla. There’s no way someone who once went trick-or-treating as an underwear logo could ever be blown away by anything I wrote.
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She's a Maineiac
October 25, 2012
bwah ha haaaa! Oh, you so got me on that one, Charles.
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KL
October 22, 2012
Sigh… the bit about the diamonds nearly made me cry… why did you have to bring that to my attention? But… sniff… they are so sparkly…. 🙂
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KL
October 22, 2012
Oh. I forgot to mention. Here in Australia, the big department stores have REAL presents under them! They are called the ‘wishing’ tree and families buy presents for ‘poor’ kids and put them under the tree with tags on them with age and gender that the present should go to. 🙂 – Hey I wonder whether someone spirits them away in the night and replaces them with empty boxes? Awww now that makes me sad! Back to admiring my sparkly jewellery…
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
The stores and shopping malls here have been doing that too, KL. That’s why I zeroed in on the banks — they even chain down the ball-point pens, so there’s no way they’re going to leave real gifts lying around.
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amydenby
October 22, 2012
I stopped eating “Easy Cheese” when I put two and two together while spraying it into my mouth–“hey, wait a minute, isn’t it weird that this processed cheese product comes in a can?” Ah, ignorance sure can be bliss…
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
I love that stuff. I swirl it really high on the cracker and pretend I’m eating something fancy. But I do get a little nervous when a product has to brag that it’s “made with real cheese.” What other kind is there? (Never mind — I don’t want to know. I need all the bliss I can get.)
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bronxboy55
October 25, 2012
P.S. I never even noticed that it was called “Easy Cheese.”
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amydenby
October 25, 2012
I think the exist same thing every time I see that, “Made with real cheese.” It’s all over kids products, too, boasts of “made with real fruit!” Real food, gee, thanks! I must be shopping at the fancy grocery stores!
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simonandfinn
October 23, 2012
What great writing and ideas – this post was fantastic. I really enjoyed how you wove everything together and the juxtaposition of the Alaskan license plate, lots of smiling going on when I was reading! (I noticed someone mentioned sea monkeys above – boy did those things look different than the advertising! So much for kingdoms of sublimely clothed creatures…)
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
I had the same experience with the sea monkeys, Melissa. But I think it taught me an important lesson, because ever since, I’ve noticed that almost everything looks different from the advertising. Do the actual cookies ever look anything like the ones pictured on the package? (“Enlarged to show texture,” yes, but also spray-painted to look delicious.)
By the way, I love your comic strip posts.
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Stacie Chadwick
October 23, 2012
Your posts always make me smile. I STILL love buying the 64 pack of Crayola Crayons (and only Crayola…Rose Art’s crayons are crap), and am happy to have two daughters as an excuse. But I don’t use them to color anymore, instead I load the dishwasher or do mindless chores while my girls take pains to pick just the right ones for their artwork. There’s a lesson in your post, so thanks for reminding me that life isn’t all about staying inside the lines.
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
I agree with you about those other crayons, Stacie. They seem weak, diluted, and unsure of themselves — a poor imitation of Crayola, like the store-brand version of Froot Loops.
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Bruce
October 24, 2012
A good reminder that It isn’t always that easy when you’re a kid; there are serious discoveries to be made. An enjoyable read Charles. I’m also sending you an email with two images I hope you get time to check out. They are kind of relevant to your previous post ‘Wondering what to believe’ and I suppose this post too. Regards, Bruce
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
Thanks, Bruce. And you’re right: both posts have to do with faith of one sort or another, and how we respond when we realize things aren’t what we were expecting them to be.
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icedteawithlemon
October 25, 2012
I refuse to press those “walk” buttons at intersections–not so much because I doubt their authenticity but rather because I don’t know how many other hands have touched them (and where those hands have been!). And while I’ve never owned a pet rock, a Nehru jacket or a rectal thermometer, I recently bought a mood ring because it reminded me of my silly-girl junior high days. In fact, I’m wearing it right now, and the current color is blue–which means I am relaxed and at ease. And I would not have known I was relaxed and at ease if I hadn’t looked at my finger for verification. (Another great read, Charles!).
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
You mean they haven’t installed hand sanitizers at the traffic lights yet? Those things are everywhere.
I’m glad your mood ring has told you that you’re feeling good, Karen. Now I have to go check the time, so I’ll know if I’m getting hungry.
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Experienced Tutors
October 25, 2012
Great post – you put logic where things before had never really made sense. Loved your four previous posts also – i’m with you on your views and thoughts.
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
It’s good to hear that some of this post, and the others, made some sense. Thank you for the feedback.
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Snoring Dog Studio
October 25, 2012
One of my favorite posts of yours, Charles. This was pure, delightful magic. And I learned how to make gold! I’ll be rich, rich I tell you! I’m more skeptical than I ever was. How do we get that way? Through belief and ensuing disappointment? I miss the simple deceptions of childhood; they’ve all been replaced by the bigger, more dangerous lies we experience daily. How to remain innocent and naive – so often, I want that back.
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bronxboy55
October 26, 2012
I like being a skeptic, SDS. It frees my mind to believe — or at least think and wonder about — all of the amazing things about life that are true. I used to waste a lot of time believing in ghosts, UFOs, and faith healers. I’ve cleared all that out. And, yes, the lies have gotten bigger and more dangerous. But maybe we’re better-equipped to handle them because we’ve lived, and learned, through disappointment.
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marymtf
October 27, 2012
My elderly Heinemann dictionary describes the word sceptic (that’s how we spell it in Aus) as: ‘A person who doubts the truth of a claim, theory or belief.’ I’m torn. I don’t take everything I hear or read at face value as often as I once did. I wish I could but scepticism is an old person’s disease (sorry Charles) and darn it, I want to believe but you can never go back. The world was black and white when we were young; we were more willing to believe ten impossible things before breakfast. I think that’s why we are all the more resentful now about having been fooled. Being a sceptic is important, I’ll grant you, but it’s so negative. Maybe if we soften the term or the meaning?
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bronxboy55
October 27, 2012
I understand what you’re saying, Mary, and why you’re saying it. But my elderly Webster’s Third New International Dictionary says that the word comes from the Greek, skeptikos, which means thoughtful or reflective. I don’t see it as negative at all, but rather a positive way to use my mind, which has been fooled and confused by far too many things over the years. For most of this month I’ve been looking at Venus in the early morning sky, surprised again each day by its brightness and beauty — even though I highly doubt its gravity has any effect at all on the personality traits of babies who happened to be born in the past couple of weeks. It’s similar to the way I can admire and enjoy a magician’s show without needing to believe in supernatural powers; in fact, I’m all the more impressed when I try to imagine what it took to create the illusion. It’s a misperception that skeptics don’t believe anything. It would be impossible to live without beliefs. But it would be impossible to live without some level of skepticism, too. What if we believed every advertisement, every email, every politician? I think we’re all both skeptics and believers, just in different proportions.
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Worrywart
October 25, 2012
I’ll take crayons over diamonds any day! I always love your posts. Have a great day!
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bronxboy55
October 27, 2012
Thanks, WW. I keep visiting your blog and can’t quite figure out if you’re back to publishing new posts. If you are, can you reply with a link?
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Worrywart
October 27, 2012
I am undecided at the moment (at least as far as my blog is concerned). I am a firm believer in if you don’t have anything to say, don’t say it. 🙂 And to be completely honest as my audience grew I also started feeling very vulnerable (I’m a worrywart!). I still love reading great blogs though. Thanks for asking.
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marymtf
October 26, 2012
I didn’t understand the pet rock craze or (if you are a star trek fan) the tribble craze (that’s a mop with eyes, but you need to part the mop to see the eyes). I did buy a mood ring once, then a mood pendant, then a mood bracelet,then…well, I ran out of space. It was either build an extension to my house or rid myself of my habit. I joined a mood ring self help group and I have been mood ring free for decades now one day at a time is the motto.
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bronxboy55
October 27, 2012
I shouldn’t even tell you this, but they’re working on a line of clothing that will change colors, depending on the mood of the wearer.
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Linda
October 27, 2012
Charles – we had those in the UK years ago. Are you seriously telling me the Brits had a head start on something for a change. Wayhay!
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bronxboy55
October 30, 2012
I’d say the British have led the way on a lot of things, Linda, although I’m not sure if mood shirts would be something I’d include in a list of accomplishments. Did they come out with mood pants, too? I hope not.
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notesfromrumbleycottage
October 26, 2012
I have a box of 96 crayons.
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bronxboy55
October 27, 2012
Have you ever been to the Crayola Experience in eastern Pennsylvania?
http://www2.crayola.com/factory/your_visit.cfm
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Arindam
October 27, 2012
Sir Charles, the lesson you learned as a kid were really important. And let me tell you at 27 I am learning few lessons which I should have learned as a kid. But unfortunately, as kids we were not that much exposed to too many things and trends. Our knowledge was limited to those few books and the lessons about life our elders used to share with us. So I believe I have to learn many things in coming years. And I really hope it’s not late (as I am approaching towards 28) to learn something new, when I have teacher and guide like you, Sir Charles.
As always needless to say, but it was a really great post.
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bronxboy55
October 27, 2012
Learning new lessons is a never-ending process, Arindam. At least that’s how it looks from here. And I don’t think it’s ever too late.
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Jennie Upside Down
October 27, 2012
🙂
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bronxboy55
October 30, 2012
Thanks, Jennie.
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dearrosie
October 31, 2012
My brothers also ordered all sorts of junk from adverts they heard on the radio shows and were so angry when they discovered that they didn’t work.
One of my blogging buddies – and I think it was AA – wrote a post about working for the crayon company and having fun naming the colors.
If I own up that I saw an Alaska plate last week, I hope it doesn’t mean that I have to go sit in the basement and write lines?
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bronxboy55
November 1, 2012
You live in California, so seeing an Alaska license plate may not be so unusual. But I’ve lived on the East Coast my whole life, where even a Minnesota or Kentucky plate is cause for a second look. I saw a car from Hawaii a few weeks ago; that must have been a rough trip.
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ArborFam
November 2, 2012
“Something could possess the luxury of truth, and yet be a waste of time.” I liked this line. But you didn’t really follow up on this one. I was waiting to hear about all the things that are true but pointless. It’s one of my greatest fears for my children. They’re growing up in this era when there is more information and consumer items at their fingertips than ever before in history. Much of the stuff is real, true and totally worthless and pointless. I’m afraid if they don’t learn to distinguish the truly valuable from the merely true, they will be drowned in sea of meaninglessness.
It’s an interesting thought and it begs the question: is anything truly a waste of time or is it possible to find some value in just about anything?
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bronxboy55
November 2, 2012
I’m worried about the flood of pointless information, too, Kevin. I’m also concerned that we’re losing our ability to distinguish truth from groundless claims. Almost every time I do an online search, the first few results are from those websites that invite people to submit answers — and then allow others to vote on which they think is the best response. Is that where we’re headed: truth based on popular vote? If enough people say Paris is the capital of South Dakota, does it then become a fact? As our children rely more and more on the Internet for information and knowledge, learning may actually lead to ignorance. I occasionally catch glimpses of what television is currently offering as reality, and much of it seems fake to me, or at least scripted. But when I suggest this belief to young people, they look at me as though I’ve lost my mind.
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Shama Sheikh
November 13, 2012
Your posts invariably bring smiles…laughter and memories Charles. Thank you…
I still have my father’s long handled shoe horn and back scratcher…which we all used and loved…and how can I forget my brother’s Nehru jacket…Memories of how gullible and innocent growing up was is difficult to relate to now, specially keeping in mind the last comment…and although nowadays kids seem to disconcertingly know it all…I must admit it is often quite awe inspiring too…
However…crossing roads will never be the same again, thanks to the concept of
” pedestrian pacifiers “….
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bronxboy55
November 15, 2012
I’ve never owned a back scratcher, Shama, but I almost bought one yesterday. It was retractable and could fit in your pocket. I think I’ll get the next back scratcher I see, and I promise to think of you whenever I use it.
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J-at-X
November 15, 2012
Reblogged this on The Last Fat Kid – Reflexiones de un obsesivo narcicista and commented:
Podríamos decir que las joyas son un regalo excelente. También que son “preciosas” por su inmutabilidad en el tiempo. ¿Y las bolsas de plástico?¿Y el vidrio?¿Y las cerámicas?…
Lean:
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bronxboy55
November 20, 2012
Thank you. I hope your readers enjoy it. (I was going to attempt that in Spanish, but I’m sure I would have blown it.)
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