My daughter, Allison, is suffering under the delusion that she’s getting married today. This is impossible, of course, because she’s just a little girl. Okay, she’s not really a little girl. She was born in 1985, and if you subtract that number from the year it is now, she’s twenty-seven. So if you want to get technical about it, I guess she’s what most people would consider a grown woman. In some abstract, theoretical sense, she could be someone’s wife. At the same time, my mind tries to reject the very word – wife – as if it doesn’t fit her, doesn’t belong to her, any more than a suit of armor would, or a professional football uniform. After all, in order for her to be someone’s wife, that person would have to be her husband.
Husband. Not possible.
Besides, I’m Allison’s father, and I’m not finished with my part yet. There are things I have to teach her. A lot of things. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I ever got around to teaching her anything.
There was much I wanted my daughter to know, important lessons I was supposed to pass on to her. But I would have had to learn them first, and the opportunity was rarely there. Pretty soon we were both swimming in the daily details of life, sometimes getting swept along by the current, and doing our best to keep from drowning. Together we faced all of the obstacles and distractions that most families encounter, all within the larger context of an ongoing nightmare.
* * * * *
I eventually figured out how to brush Allison’s newly-washed hair without getting snagged in the tangles and making her cry. I learned that she shared my sensitivity about food textures, and that I needed to cut away the crust from her sandwiches if I didn’t want to find them a week later, half-eaten and stashed under the bed. I came to understand that her tendency to snap off the arms and legs from her Barbie dolls was not a symptom of a deep-seated psychosis, although I still wonder what it was.
The essential point is that while I was discovering the small things about her, she was busy absorbing the world, sifting through its contents, and somehow making sense of it all.
I remember being amazed by the fact that, at age two, she could identify a cartoon character as a blue jay or a chicken, and could distinguish one from the other. Cartoons look nothing like real animals, and I still find it almost incomprehensible that the human brain can connect the two.
One night we drove past a pay telephone and from her car seat in the back she yelled out, “Phone!” I didn’t remember teaching her that word, and even if I had, when and how had she managed to relate a house phone with a coin-operated machine hanging on a pole?
Can we possess knowledge of things right from birth? I don’t think so. Can we have understanding before we’ve had a chance to experience life? I doubt it. Can we be endowed with wisdom right from the beginning? Yes, I’m sure of that, because I saw the evidence.
It was a summer day, in 1985. The nurse walked in carrying a tiny bundle tightly wrapped in a thin blanket. My daughter. She was no bigger than a loaf of bread. A pink hat covered the top half of her head. Only her face was exposed, but what a beautiful face it was. And as I took her into my arms, she looked directly at me. There was no sign of confusion, discomfort, or pain, even as those feelings swirled around inside my mind, mixing with the unfamiliar joy of being someone’s father. Her eyes were focused, and determined, and calm. And that surprised me, because I’d thought newborn babies couldn’t see clearly. But Allison was staring, with what I can only describe as a wise and soothing gaze. She seemed to be telling me that everything would be all right. I had long heard about parents instantly falling in love with infants, but I didn’t believe it was possible. In that instant, I learned that it was indeed possible, and that for me, it was true. I now realize that Allison was also telling me something else. She was letting me know that she would be all right.
I just did the math again, and yes, Allison is twenty-seven. So she may very well be getting married today. Like all parents, I imagined this would happen eventually. But the wedding day was deep into the future, through hazy clouds of time, past countless twists, turns, and reversals. It was always coming, but it was always someday. Now it’s time to make the transition. And as we all look forward to the years to come, I will surely find myself thinking back through those hazy clouds of time, to the days of brushing wet hair, trimming crust, and reassembling dolls from dismembered parts. And I can continue with my own delusion that Allison is still that little girl I’ve loved with all my heart since the minute she was born.
* * * * *
Instead of leaving a comment here, please send the bride and groom a short note:
tylerandallisonwedding@gmail.com
cat
August 17, 2012
Great write up, beautiful pic of the pair … wishing love and happiness for them and all their family. Love, cat
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Thank you, cat. It was a beautiful day.
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Hippie Cahier
August 17, 2012
I’m not very good at following directions. I’m leaving a comment, AND I shall send a congratulatory note.
This is such a wonderful father-love letter. I just wanted to say that. Congratulations to everyone and have a fabulous day.
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Sometimes it’s okay to ignore directions, Hippie. This is certainly one of them. Thank you for your kind words.
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Margaret Reyes Dempsey
August 17, 2012
What Hippie said…
What a beautiful post. Bring tissues.
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Good advice, Margaret. It was an emotional day.
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susielindau
August 17, 2012
Congratulations! I will send a note!
You may want to add the link to the email address so readers don’t have to copy and paste. It’s strange that the link didn’t come up automatically when you typed it in!
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
At your suggestion, I tried to make the email address a link, but couldn’t seem to get it to work. (This was ten minutes before it was time to leave for the wedding!) Thanks for the idea, Susie.
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susielindau
August 24, 2012
Oh no! Being late would have been terrible! It’s probably some glitchy thing in program. I hope you write a follow-up post!
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She's a Maineiac
August 17, 2012
Done.
Beautiful, Charles. Now I’m picturing my daughter’s wedding day. Sigh.
I hope you all have the most lovely day! (Allow yourself to cry if need be, you’re the proud papa after all….)
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Thank you, Darla. It was an amazing day — but you already knew that.
Good luck next week!
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Val
August 17, 2012
I’ll do the same – email and leave a note here. 🙂 Congratulations to you and your family, Charles. And yes, a very beautiful post.
(And about the Barbie doll? Looks much better without the limbs, they’re way too long! 😉 )
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Thank you for the thoughtful comment, Val. I’m sure Allison and Tyler will appreciate hearing from you, too.
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morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer
August 17, 2012
How exciting and terrifying! Congratulations
And best of good wishes.
I sent Allison and Tyler a message, but just realized that it was sent from this phone, so it will not have my blog address on it.
Maybe it will go to their junk mail folder…
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
I’ll let them know, Ronnie. Thank you.
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Sarah
August 17, 2012
Have been thinking of y’all today! I suspected you might post an Allison-themed entry this week. You already know that I’m thrilled to pieces for her. I still see her as a 9-year-old, so I can’t even fathom how you must feel. She’s embarking on her next great adventure and, as you said, she will be okay. I’ll send them a message, but I couldn’t resist responding to you, too. Hope it’s a wonderful wedding!
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
I wish you could have been there, Sarah. I’m no longer on Facebook, but Allison may have posted some pictures.
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Bill
August 17, 2012
Great picture. My GRANDdaughter is about to be married and that is truly scary to me.
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
I understand the scary part, Bill, but I hope your granddaughter’s day is as beautiful as my daughter’s was.
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Mal
August 17, 2012
What a terrific post, Charles..Congratulations and Best wishes! Your daughter is beautiful, God bless her with health, happiness and a wonderful married life.. 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
What a nice comment, Mal. I really appreciate it.
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Michelle Gillies
August 17, 2012
Allison and Tyler, may your life be filled with all the love and cherished memories that your Father shared here today. You couldn’t ask for anything more. Be happy!
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Thank you for your good wishes, Michelle. I’m sure Allison will appreciate them, too.
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notesfromrumbleycottage
August 17, 2012
Congrats on starting a new adventure to everyone. Great post, as always.
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bronxboy55
August 24, 2012
Thanks, Rumbly. They’ve been together for a long time, but marriage does change things, so it is a new adventure.
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Experienced Tutors
August 17, 2012
My daughter married three weeks ago – she’s 28. Loved your post.
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Congratulations. I hope your daughter is at the beginning of a long and happy married life.
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Just Outside the Box Cartoon
August 17, 2012
My girls are 10 and 8 and I’m partially looking forward, partially dreading the day they move out and tie the knot.
Beautifully written as always
Marti
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
They’re still such little girls, Marti. Give it about seven more years, and you may not be dreading the thought quite so much.
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creatingreciprocity
August 17, 2012
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you…
(William Butler Yeats)
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Thank you, Trisha. I really think Allison has found that one man who will continue to love her when she’s “old and grey and full of sleep.”
I had a hundred things to do today, and then I wandered over to your blog and suddenly it’s a half-hour later. This recent post of yours provided a helpful detour:
http://www.creatingreciprocity.com/2012/08/20/reality-lights/
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patricemj
August 17, 2012
What a lovely post. Your daughter is so beautiful…she will always remain your little girl 😉
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Very true, Patrice. Thank you for saying so.
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Brown Sugar Britches
August 17, 2012
oh charles. you poor thing. taking in that son that you already have and now having to find a place for the daughter you once had who’s now a wife. shudder to think. you’re a wonderful father and she’s going to die, times die, at all of the fan mail that she will receive because of you. what a wonderful father. xoxoo to you and yours on such a momentous and wonderful occasion.
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Thank you, T. She does have a lot of fans — people who love her — but I doubt it has anything to do with me.
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Brown Sugar Britches
August 17, 2012
you poor father of a man. 😀 congratulations, charles, on being upstanding and proficient. your daughter is a beautiful successful lovely young woman that some man wants to call his own — forever. YA DONE GOOD, friend. ya done real good. hugs, because i know it hurts.
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
It hurts a little, I think because most of us are so inept and unprepared for parenthood — there are always countless things we wish we’d done differently. You know? (I know you know.)
Thanks again for your support, and your friendship.
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Elyse
August 18, 2012
Dear Charles,
Congratulations and commiserations on this day for you. I did write as you requested, but I think that you need a little support too.
I was a daddy’s girl from the beginning. That never stopped and never will until I do. There is room for lots of love in a heart as big as the one you helped to form.
Elyse
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Lots of love — I can’t argue with that, Elyse. But there’s no real need for commiseration, because I’ve gained a lot, and haven’t really lost anything.
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shelley
August 18, 2012
Congratulations! 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
I appreciate it, Shelley.
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feelingchipper
August 18, 2012
What a wonderful father-daughter post this is. It is a special bond between the two and how lovely to read about it in your words. I can identify with a lot of the things you have said in your post as my Dad and I have a very similar relationship and I’m sure this moment would be equally as heart-wrenching for him. Congratulations on such a big moment in both yours and Allison’s lives; I’m sure you will be fine.
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
I’m fine already. If my daughter is happy, then I’m happy, too. I’m sure your Dad feels the same way.
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Nandini
August 18, 2012
Such lovely post. 🙂
Congratulations to you! And your daughter is so blessed to have a loving father. It’s a forever relationship.
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Thank you for expressing it so perfectly, Nandini. It is a forever relationship.
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beckysaysthings
August 18, 2012
A lovely post. I am also 27, and, believe me, your daughter still needs her daddy 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
Thanks, Becky. It’s always nice to be reminded of that.
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Uma Mahswar Nakka
August 18, 2012
Wishing you all the best and happy prosperous successful life
Blessings
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bronxboy55
August 25, 2012
I appreciate the good wishes, Uma, and I’m sure my daughter does, too.
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Bruce
August 18, 2012
What a great letter from a Dad to his Daughter. I hope it’s in print for your little girl. To the Bride and Groom; congratulations, I hope life is kind to you. Bruce
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
Thank you for the thoughtful words, Bruce.
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Ray Colon
August 18, 2012
She’s lovely, Charles. Congrats to you all. I’ve emailed the happy couple my good wishes.
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
It’s good to hear from you, Ray. Thank you, and I hope your daughters will someday enjoy the kind of event we just experienced.
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teawithmanaguagunn
August 18, 2012
Emotional stuff! I have 3 daughters….can’t say I’m ready to hear the word ”wife” yet!
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
You’ll never be ready, but you’ll welcome it just the same.
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Patti Kuche
August 18, 2012
That fleeting time which endures forever . . .
Congratulations and so many best wishes to you all!
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
It’s hard to comprehend that so many years could have passed by so quickly. Thanks for the good wishes, Patti.
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Jensy
August 19, 2012
THE BEST POST congrats Allison 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
Thank you, Jensy. I’m sure Allison appreciates it, too.
I hope things are going well for you at school.
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Jensy
August 27, 2012
Yess Sir, Everything is going good. Thankyou. 🙂
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Stacie Chadwick
August 19, 2012
Oh, how can I not leave a comment when you made me cry? I got married at twenty-seven and still manage to make my eight year-old daughter shriek when I comb her hair. I felt a myriad of emotions reading your post…so well-done. Congratulations to Allison. What a lucky girl she is.
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bronxboy55
August 26, 2012
Your recent post illustrates perfectly how the years seem to race by, and why parents feel off balance during most of that time. Thank you for your ongoing support, Stacie, and for your amazing blog, as well.
http://geminigirlinarandomworld.com/2012/08/24/is-that-your-daughters-bra-hanging-from-a-tree/
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Stacie Chadwick
August 27, 2012
Thanks Charles. I’m so happy I found you way back when. Your words always inspire me. =)
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ComplexSymmetry
August 19, 2012
Beautiful, but more powerfully, honest and raw post.
A parents job is never done though, worry not. I’m 20 and living away in Singapore now but my parents still seem to check that I do all the basic things! We will always need our parents too, because of the linear nature you’ll always have that bit more experience and knowledge of what is to come in our own lives 🙂
Congrats to the happy couple!
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bronxboy55
August 28, 2012
Allison and Tyler spent a year teaching in Beijing, so I have some sense of how your parents must feel. I’d guess they worry a little each day, and are, at the same time, proud of your ability to survive and thrive so far from home.
Thank you for the nice comment.
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earthriderjudyberman
August 19, 2012
When I was 21, a Greek restaurant owner told me that “No matter how big you get, you’ll always be your parents’ little girl.” He was right.
I can tell that Allison is indeed lucky on two counts. She has your love and a bright future ahead with the man she marries. Best wishes to the lucky couple.
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bronxboy55
August 28, 2012
Those Greek restaurant owners are a wise bunch, Judy. Yes, she’ll always be my little girl. But there was something about the image of my daughter in a wedding dress — I saw her as a woman that day, maybe for the first time.
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earthriderjudyberman
August 28, 2012
Really sweet, Charles.
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aviewfromthebrighterside
August 20, 2012
Beautiful piece. Yes, a parent’s love is so much stronger than they ever expect. Oh, and Barbies are so much easier to dress without limbs.
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bronxboy55
August 28, 2012
I don’t think this post even scratched the surface. But you have grown kids, too, so you no doubt understand perfectly, even without the words.
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The Retiring Sort
August 20, 2012
My husband was the same with our girls – he knew his relationship with them would change. And they did. Some things actually got easier! All the best for the evolution of your “new” relationship!
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
I know what you mean about some things getting easier. Once they’re flying on their own, the parents can relax a little and just enjoy their company.
Thanks for the comment, TRS. I hope to hear from you again.
http://theretiringsort.com/
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An Idealist Thinker
August 20, 2012
How do I give you a hug? A virtual one just won’t do for me, not after reading this.
Allison is the luckiest daughter! Did you tell her any of this yourself or did she read it here? Either way, she knows now how her father feels & how loved she is. (I wish my father could figure a way of expressing himself or I could figure a way to decipher him.) Both of you are blessed, Allison and Charles. Sending a separate note too 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
I’ll have to settle for the virtual hug for now, AIT. But I appreciate it, as well as the kind words you always manage to find. It’s both strange and wonderful how we can share life’s ups and downs from opposite sides of the globe — without ever actually meeting.
Thank you, also, for sending your thoughts to Allison and Tyler. It means a lot.
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rangewriter
August 20, 2012
Wow! If she has an ounce of your wisdom, she’ll be fine. And if he has 2 ounces of your humor, THEY’LL be fine!
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
They both have plenty of wisdom and humor, Linda. They’ll definitely be fine. Thank you.
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Andrea Kelly
August 20, 2012
Beautiful post. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have such a father!
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
If a daughter is lucky to be loved by her father, then Allison is very lucky.
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Andrea Kelly
September 2, 2012
I’m sure luck has nothing to do with a father’s love, but there are very few out there who are able to express it so beautifully! 🙂
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ZinalBhadra
August 21, 2012
A son is a son till he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life. She will always be your little girl. Beautiful pictures and beautiful post. Wish them all the happiness 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
Thank you, Zinal. Allison and Tyler have been together a long time, and have a solid foundation under them. I’m sure they’ll have a great married life. We all appreciate your good wishes.
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dearrosie
August 21, 2012
Congratulations dear friend. Thank you for including the pictures of the young couple – especially the wedding picture. She’s gorgeous! Such a beautiful bride.
Question: Can someone as funny as you have such a gorgeous daughter??
Comment: I was 27 when I got married
Comment: My daughter’s getting married in 10 days.
Comment: I’m already weeping
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
Rosie, congratulations to you and Mr. F — and, of course, to your daughter. I hope your day is filled with as much beauty and joy as ours was.
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dearrosie
August 31, 2012
Thanks Charles. It’s weekend count-down.
Correction- I was 27 when my daughter was born! (I was 20 when I got married)
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Arindam
August 22, 2012
Beautiful post Sir Charles. Very heart touching. Congratulations! Wishing them all the happiness, peace and togetherness.
By the way it really needed to help those people who were born in 1985 realize that, they are actually grown people. Because I was one among them, and before I read this post, I had a belief that, “I am still a kid”. 🙂
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
Maybe we all feel like kids inside, Arindam. I was born thirty years before you were, and I still feel that way.
Thank you, as always, for your kind words and good wishes.
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hipmamamedia
August 23, 2012
I only hope her husband is as loving, thoughtful and sensitive as her father. Beautiful, touching and true. Our kids are always our kids, not our “adult” kids or our “grown up kids.” Just our kids: now and forever. Blessings to all on this happy milestone.
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
You say such nice things. Thank you, Maria.
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Allison
August 24, 2012
I am incredibly lucky and grateful to have such a wonderful father. Thank you all so much for the well wishes – it was a perfect day!
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
It was a perfect day. And the fact that a diverse group of friends and family could come together and blend with each other in such a relaxed and loving way is another reflection of the kind of people you and Tyler are. You both deserved to have your married life get off to a beautiful start, and that’s just what it was.
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Marusia
August 24, 2012
Beautiful! (I sent a message).
🙂
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
Thank you, Marusia. I know they appreciate hearing your thoughts as much as I do.
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lostnchina
August 28, 2012
What a great gift to give to your daughter on her special day – your post. Congrats to your whole family!
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bronxboy55
August 29, 2012
Thanks, Susan. The whole experience has been wonderful — including comments such as yours.
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Mitch Mitchell
September 1, 2012
Congratulations Charles. Have you recovered from “her” shock yet? 🙂 Something I’ll never be able to identify with, so I’m glad you’ve shared yours with us.
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bronxboy55
September 2, 2012
It’s definitely one of those surreal events in life, Mitch. And I know you can relate to that feeling.
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Julia Harris
September 4, 2012
Well shoot, you stop reading a blog for a while and then that guy’s kid gets married. Wow!! Congrats to you all, Charles. On this side of the deal it seems that kids will never grow up and get gone. Glad to see that there’s hope for a happy ending.
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bronxboy55
September 5, 2012
They’ll be grown up before you know it, Julia. Childhood seems as though it will never end, and then suddenly you’re sitting in the front row at their wedding, wondering where the time went.
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happykidshappymom
September 5, 2012
Hi Charles, what wonderful news! Congratulations to you, father-of-the-bride. What an amazing transition and powerful role to play. I’m sure you brought your daughter as much happiness as she did you. Well, okay, she brought you more happiness — but that’s just part of being a parent, as you well know. Thank you for sharing the pictures, she is just beautiful, and looks so happy and in love with her husband.
Every day I am so thankful that my children are so young. My son just started kindergarten, and I can’t even begin to see through that fog you mentioned. We are swimming in it. So much to do, and school every day — it’s such an adjustment. And he’s only going for half-days! So he’s out every day before lunch. Which means he and his sister still have most of the day together, to play. Still, it’s a lot, to be going to public school with the big kids. And each day I’m happy to return home with both kids in tow. Their laughter is something I can’t get enough of. I know how lucky I am to be able to stay home with them, even if while trying to reply to your post, I was serenaded with,
“I went poopy, Mommy!”
“I have to go poopy, too!”
Two kids in two potties each shouting for me to help them first.
As you well know, with kids, the spirit of competition runs deep. I sometimes listen to them, and wonder what I’ll be feeling when they’re grown. What they’ll be saying to each other. Who will be calling who names and who will be the first to give a hug. (They both will, both those things.) For now, I take joy in reading about the love you feel for your daughter, and I wish you all many happy years in the future. Do you remember that scene from Father of the Bride? The one with Steve Martin. He looks at his daughter, across the dining room table, telling him she’s going to get married. And she flashes to a little girl, which is how he sees her. My father said one time that is his favorite part of the movie. Very telling. 🙂
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bronxboy55
September 10, 2012
I watched Father of the Bride a couple of weeks before my daughter’s wedding. That scene gets to me, too: “He’s wonderful, and brilliant, and we’re getting married.” It’s jolting to hear those words coming out of the little girl’s mouth.
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Marie M
September 10, 2012
I’m glad I came back here to take a second look at your wonderful post–otherwise I’d have missed the lovely wedding photo and all the comments! I do think you outdid yourself here, my friend. As others have intimated, you, Allison, and Tyler are all three lucky to have one another. Blessings all around, and congratulations to all including the rest of your family!
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bronxboy55
September 10, 2012
Thank you, Marie. It was a special day, and I know it will always be a source of happy memories.
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shamasheikh
September 14, 2012
Congratulations Charles…your daughter is lovely and they make such a beautiful couple…thank you for sharing the wedding picture…the natural setting is quite perfect…
Allison is blessed to have you for a father…this lovely and heartfelt post dedicated to her is very touching and full of love and I know she deserves every bit of it and then some…daughters are just so precious…
I will mail her too but this comes with lots of love and prayers for the young couple for good health, happiness, love and laughter, now and always…amen!
God bless you all….
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bronxboy55
September 20, 2012
Thank you for your wonderful words, Shama. I know Allison will appreciate them, too.
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9eygaidetattmet1983
September 20, 2012
Reblogged this on Latisha Craig Page.
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bronxboy55
September 20, 2012
Thanks, Latisha. I hope your readers like it.
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Nectarfizz
September 22, 2012
I think I understand completely. It’s like Holy Crap my child is a PERSON. A real person, who thinks and experiences stuff. A person who has opinions and ideas. A person who I cannot protect anymore. She has to experience stuff and that stuff scares the snot out of you, because we know that some of that stuff is going to hurt and some of that stuff is going to teach. DAMN IT. My daughter is 11 and all I really want to do is keep her heart from ever changing from what she is now, this moment. Because she is perfect. She has been perfect from the moment she was born. When she was bad and when she made mistakes she was still perfect. Perfectly my child. There is a light inside that just makes me like her. You never know for sure if you will but then one day you look at them and realize it. You genuinely like your kid. That’s love with a pinch of more. Congrats, Charles. You did a good job.
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bronxboy55
September 27, 2012
Watch March of the Penguins, Bekki. It’s all in there.
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adventurousandrea
October 10, 2012
This was so beautiful, it bought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for sharing.
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bronxboy55
October 14, 2012
And thank you for reading it, Andrea, and for your nice comment.
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adventurousandrea
November 19, 2012
You’re quite welcome. 🙂
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truafriqan
May 9, 2013
🙂
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bronxboy55
May 10, 2013
How in the world did you come across this post, all these months later? (I’m glad you did.)
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