In 1981, I read a book by someone who was extremely well-known in some obscure field. I can no longer remember his well-known name, so there’s little chance the obscure field will spring to mind. But I do recall that at one point he offered this as his theory of life: “We’re all in constant motion, striving at any given moment to tell everyone else where we are and where we’re going.” I used quotation marks there to give the impression that this is precisely what the man said. However, those are probably not his exact words. In fact, they may not have been from a book, or a newspaper or magazine article. It could have been something my boss paraphrased and relayed to me during an important, late-night editorial meeting as we prepared our monthly newsletter for publication. Or my boss might have been hosting an informal gathering, and I happened to be standing within hearing range while sweeping the floor around his desk. Now that I think of it, the source of the theory may not have been well-known at all. I was hoping it was Arthur Schopenhauer or Immanuel Kant, because they were both German philosophers, and quoting a German philosopher makes you sound smart. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything either one of them ever said that so much as resembles the thing about people being in constant motion. But I’m very certain it was 1981.
At the time, I thought the quote was trivial and narrow-minded, reducing life to a pointless sliver of its actual significance. As far as I could tell, most people were doing more than just moving around and announcing their location. And some, of course, were doing a lot less. I had a friend who skipped two grades and was accepted to Princeton when he was sixteen. He tended to say things that were hard for me to understand, and I soon grew to hate him. At the other extreme, we had neighbors who wouldn’t even answer the door. If you waved to them in the street, they turned their heads and pretended to be examining something on the ground.
I had no way of being sure, but it seemed to me that back then, people went about their business quietly, nurturing their dreams and pursuing their goals in private ways. The truth is, I rarely knew where anyone was. If there was a party over the weekend, I learned about it on Monday morning when I heard my classmates discussing the highlights at school. On a larger scale, the nations of the West were locked in a hostile staring contest with the Soviet Union, so secrecy and discretion still had value. In those days, a spy knew how to keep his mouth shut, although gangsters and quite a few Cabinet members had suddenly become pretty blabby.
Thirty years later, it appears more and more as though that quote accurately describes much of our activity. And while I originally dismissed the idea as either off-target if false or a sad description of humanity if true, I now accept that it explains a lot. Everyone has a basic need to feel important, at least occasionally. At least to someone. Part of that feeling is derived from being in contact with friends, family, and colleagues — not just when necessary, but when desired — and sharing with them every possible shred of information.
“I’m at the party store, shopping for paper plates.”
“I may take a nap this afternoon.”
“That veggie wrap I had for lunch was amazing!”
“I think I have a bladder infection.”
The content of the messages is less crucial than the signal on which they’re carried. It’s a form of echo-location, similar to the ability certain bats possess to find and catch mosquitoes flitting around in total darkness. But in our case it says, “I’m over here. Are you there? I’m not alone, am I? You are there. Thank goodness! How about now? Are you still there?”
There’s a part of me that sees this need for continual feedback as weak and pathetic, as evidence that we’re becoming fearful and dependent. Didn’t technology promise to make us more powerful? Why the obsession with LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook? What purpose are those text messages, emails, and phone calls serving? The mass of updates, announcements, and self-promotion seem to blur together, like a million people all talking at the same time. Does anybody really hear anything?
I’m not sure.
A few nights ago, I was driving past a small pond near my home. It was just after sunset on an otherwise quiet stretch of road, and then the silence exploded into a piercing and relentless howl. I later discovered that the noise was coming from spring peepers, brown tree frogs that are no more than an inch long and live in and around vegetation growing close to stagnant water. The chirp of one spring peeper can be mistaken for that of a bird. Hundreds of them could be the soundtrack for a nervous breakdown. These are the males calling out to prospective mates with a shrillness that can be heard a mile away. The result is a shocking cacophony that makes me wonder: can the females possibly distinguish individual suitors in all of that madness? And if they can, what message are they receiving? Are frogs capable of alluring conversation? I mean something beyond “Pick me! Pick me!”
I’ve never seen a spring peeper, but I know they’re there. And because they live only about three years, it wasn’t very long ago that these particular frogs weren’t in that pond. They must be the spawn of a reproductive process that began with their fathers shattering the stillness of another cool evening — shrieking their brains out, really — with a torrent of updates, announcements, and self-promotion. “I’m over here. Are you there? I’m not alone, am I? You are there. Thank goodness! How about now? Are you still there?”
That isn’t so different from what we humans do. According to an obscure man named Georg Simmel, we develop self-esteem and a sense of place by seeking “the awareness of others.” In this scheme, we actually depend on social interaction. Furthermore, the greater the numbers involved (the more interaction we experience), the greater our own “freedom and flexibility.” Our very personalities, then, require the recognition and acknowledgment of others. So maybe it’s more helpful than I realized for me to learn about your party plates, or to tell you about my afternoon nap. More than just where we are and where we’re going, they say something about who we are — to ourselves and to each other.
By the way, Georg Simmel was a German philosopher. Did you notice that I quoted him?
ArborFam
May 2, 2012
Interesting. Being an introvert, I often find I have more interaction from people than I need. For almost all of my life (with maybe a few weeks or months of my teenage years excepted), I have found that I have more people wanting my attention or wanting to echo their thoughts off of me than I care to.
That being said, I certainly know the value of human interaction and have often put myself in the place of being a sounding board for someone who may not have anyone else. Retirement homes are full of people who typically don’t get enough interaction and are always hungry for it. And so many of the people there have so much to give.
Thanks for reminding us not only how much we need others, but also how significant we can be in someone else’s life–even if it takes some sacrifice on our part.
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bronxboy55
May 3, 2012
You’re welcome for the reminder, Kevin, but I needed it just as much. Also an introvert, I’ve long looked at the need for constant communication with some condescension. I’m just now starting to re-think that attitude.
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Kemi
May 2, 2012
Charles, your posts always make me laugh out loud. I’m working on my MBA thesis and it’s on change management in social media – specifically changing people’s behaviour in organisations. So far, it hinges on the premise that people are insecure and attention hungry. I kind of agree… Great post as always! K
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bronxboy55
May 3, 2012
One of the things I find interesting is that the same person who’s so hungry for attention is also willing to ignore the people seated at the same table, while he exchanges text messages with someone who isn’t there. I imagine the same thing goes on in business meetings. Why is it so hard for us to remember that everyone needs some attention? And why are we so eager to give so much of our attention to the same handful of celebrities — strangers who add little or nothing to our lives?
Thanks for the comment, Kemi. Another belated Happy Birthday, and good luck with your thesis.
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greenroomgallery
May 2, 2012
Thanks Mr Bronxboy for giving me another laugh just then. You ‘crack-me-up’ as we say in Australia. Keep them coming! Thank you for not only seeing the world and interpreting but bothering putting it down in black and white……..effortlessly it seems! 🙂
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bronxboy55
May 3, 2012
Thank you for the kind feedback, Charlotte. But I don’t know why we even have the word effortless. Does it apply to anything? Your gallery looks as though it took no effort, as do Wayne’s paintings. A lot of hard work goes into creating that illusion.
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greenroomgallery
May 3, 2012
I think you have a point there, however sleeping is usually effortless for me which may have something to do with the huge effort I put in while awake.
Thanks for visiting my humble blog, such a surprise!!
I think you may have made my day 🙂
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Life in the Boomer Lane
May 2, 2012
Well done, Sir. Clearly, we are at the very beginning of a new way for humans to communicate. Maybe as the world becomes more complex and our grasp of it becomes more elusive, we have a greater need to communicate what we do know with anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, what we know is often not worth listening to.
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bronxboy55
May 3, 2012
I’m sure I learned just enough to be wrong about this, but I think one of Simmel’s ideas was that the form and the content of communication are equally important. I think I’ve been missing that point, as illustrated by my annoyance (in a previous post) about how many times a day I hear people commenting on the weather. Apparently, the very act of saying “It’s a beautiful day” has some significance beyond the mere description of how blue the sky is. Still, there comes a point when communication becomes excessive. My son is constantly having problems with his girlfriend, in part because they feel compelled to exchange information every thirty seconds.
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Sakal Gharelu Ustad
May 2, 2012
Truly Bright Observation!
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bronxboy55
May 3, 2012
Thank you, Sakal. I appreciate that.
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Jac
May 2, 2012
Some of us keep in touch on Facebook and other social media, because the person 4 inches away from us often doesn’t interact enough to give us feedback, or acknowledge what we think or do. Then they think we spend too much time on the computer.
“Can you say ‘frustrating?’ Of course you can!”
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
I can say frustrating, as well as confusing, maddening, and a bunch of other words. This is part of a huge and ongoing conversation that you and I have had over the years. I suspect that the conversation will continue. I hope it will, but I hope even more that it won’t be necessary.
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lespeter
May 14, 2012
Frustrating? Social media is seen by many as something whimsical. One can tell another who is 2,000 miles away, or even 2.6 miles away in such places, oh say, a place called Pagosa Springs, that they hate a certain word, oh say, such as “whimsical”, and that receiver of such information will feel perfectly safe is using such words as “WHIMSICAL” because of such said fact that they are NOT 4 inches away, and in peril of being smacked upside the head.
I love such whimsical forms of communication, and though, at times, may find them frustrating, they are such a whimsical pleasure.
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shoreacres
May 2, 2012
Of course we desire and need social interaction. What seems a bit sad to me is that the spring peepers are beginning to outdistance us in terms of effective and satisfying interaction. After all, it’s not the peepers who are producing a mass of self-promoting updates and announcements. There’s a well-defined and clear purpose to their peeping, and once they’ve met their objective, they’re done with it for another year!
There’s something else about all this. We need to remember it’s to the benefit of Facebook, Twitter, Posterus, et.al., to convince us that we need constant interaction on the platforms they’ve devised. The more we use their platforms, the more money they make. The more insecure and isolated they can make us feel, the more money they can make by the solution they offer. It’s marketing 101.
Here’s one of the most valuable insights of the internet age: if you’re getting it for free, you’re the product, not the customer. If you’re really bored sometime, download a little app called Ghostery, and see who’s tracking you on each of the pages you call up. Everyone of them is getting their cut – and covering their tracks by telling us we’re on the cutting edge of a new way of relating.
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shoreacres
May 3, 2012
ADD: Facebook Sets IPO Value
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
I agree with you about the business side of all this, although I can’t say I fully understand how a search engine or social media site can be worth billions. But the question remains: Did these companies create the demand first and then supply the service? Or did they recognize a need that was already there? The speed at which these things grow suggests to me that we were feeling insecure and isolated long before Facebook and the others came along.
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souldipper
May 2, 2012
If I sing a comment , am I still here? Here goes: Jeepers, creepers, where’d ja get those peepers?
Please phone me from the pond – think of what we’ll do for their self-esteem if we sing to those little brown mud sloppers.
One time I was meeting a distant relative of a friend in a parking lot so I could give him a ride. It was pouring rain and we were on cells. I was in stitches watching his utter flap and silliness as I tried to guide him to my car that was almost directly in front of him. He kept looking further afield. Each time I’d say “look in front of you, I’m waving”, he’d turn and look in another direction. Forty something and bright as a button…!
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
I would’ve been standing in the rain trying to figure out how to turn the phone on. And I’d hate to tell you how many times I’ve wandered around in a parking lot, looking for my own car.
“Bright as a button.” Did you make that up?
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charlywalker
May 2, 2012
I once saw a Spring peeper outside my house……………. the police nabbed him.
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
That reminds me of that scene in Back to the Future, when Marty spots his father up in a tree and looking into a woman’s window. “He’s a Peeping Tom!”
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cat
May 2, 2012
You made me smile …
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
Thank you, Cat. By the way, I tried to leave a comment for one of the poems on your blog and I don’t think it showed up. I also love your photographs of Russia: http://ckpeacemaker.wordpress.com/
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writingfeemail
May 2, 2012
This reminded me of something my brother-in-law said in a restaurant where three teenage girls we knew were leaving and each was busy talking on her phone. My sister asked him who he thought they were talking to that was so important. He said, “each other.” I had to laugh. Sometimes I think people do assume that they will appear more important if they can’t even take time for dinner without receiving phone calls.
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
The first time I ever saw this kind of thing was at Disneyland in Anaheim. Three or four teenage girls were in line right in front of me, waiting to get on a ride, and they were all talking on their phones. I remember thinking that if there was one place where you could let go of reality for a couple of hours, it should be Disneyland. And the conversations didn’t seem urgent — they were just reporting on their progress as the line inched forward. (This was ten years ago, so they probably weren’t the same girls from the restaurant.)
Thanks for the comment, Renee. It’s always good to hear from you.
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Melinda (@findingthehumor)
May 2, 2012
I was just commenting on a blog today about how strange it is that technology is suppose to allow us to have more time by increasing efficiency, and I can confirm all my iPhone has given me is ADD. I think we are being overstimulated with all the noise.
I love the cartoon at the beginning! It is so true. I hate when people are on their phone at dinner. I took the kids to a Japanese restaurant with a hibachi grill, so you are sitting at the large table with other people. The guy (in his late 30s) next to me not only took a call but sat at the table chatting away loudly for several minutes during the chef’s performance. Just amazingly rude. I looked over at his parents who were with him with a questioning look “Didn’t you teach him manners?” Ugh.
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
Isn’t it funny how paranoid everyone seems to be about invasions of their privacy, yet they think nothing of sharing their phone conversations with anyone who happens to be around? I was standing at the arrival gate at an airport a few years ago, along with dozens of other people, and there was a woman on her phone, loudly trying to order Chinese food.
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Worrywart
May 2, 2012
There is so much I loved reading in this piece, but mostly I was grateful for the reminder of peace; silence. ” It was just after sunset on an otherwise quiet stretch of road, and then the silence exploded into a piercing and relentless howl.” I know you were discussing the cacaphony of peepers, but what got my attention was the silence before the explosion. I’ve only heard silence a couple of times in my life; thanks for reminding me that it exists. 🙂
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
It seems to work the other way, too. Have you ever been pushing a lawnmower or a vacuum cleaner for a while, and when you turn it off, you’re struck by the loud silence?
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Cathleen Barnhart
May 2, 2012
I was impressed that you remembered something from 1981! Who needs to quote German philosophers when you can remember details from 1981?
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bronxboy55
May 4, 2012
I remember 1981 quite clearly, Cathleen. Meanwhile, I spent most of this morning looking for my shoes.
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patricemj
May 3, 2012
I like the tone of this piece, I felt the silence in it (I’m serious…). An old friend of mine who never returned my phone calls, but apparently wished to remain my friend nonetheless, used to say to me, when we finally did connect, “Oh Patrice, you are so good at reaching across the silences.” Then she would place her cool and delicate hand upon mine, tilt her head serenely and smile. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. After awhile it sort of bothered me; in her delicious quiescence, her introverted sanctum, I had become her spring peeper. I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad. At least I had the courage to announce my location, to seek out hers. For quite a while it mattered to me, then somehow it didn’t.
I’ve realized I am virtually two different people. When I am around people I am crazy fun, like the life of the party. I am like my dog, he just loves people. But when I am alone I can be the most depressive sad person. I’ll think, oh, a get together, how can I get out of this? Then I’ll go to the gathering and have so much fun and I’ll think, why did I think I didn’t want to be around those people? Then again, I think I mainly just hate being in a room of therapists and I’ve done that so much I’ve forgotten what normal socializing is like.
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bronxboy55
May 5, 2012
I think your second paragraph goes a long way toward explaining the first. One of your gifts seems to be that you have the ability to be deeply introspective and extremely sensitive toward others. People must sense that you care about them, not in some flashy and superficial way, but in a way that reaches across those silences and allows you both to enjoy the time together. And on top of everything else, you have an amazing talent for using words to express emotions and ideas, and to describe experiences. If I were you, I wouldn’t waste any time worrying about normal socializing.
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ailsapm
May 3, 2012
Interesting thoughts, Charles.
I quite like Facebook when people have something interesting to say; something which generates discussion or shares information you might not have happened across yourself. Then there are those who post photos of their dinner or worse, ask you to vote for their offspring in a ‘prettiest baby’ competition or re-post some inane status update to prove you’re really their friend – those kind of posts usually result in me filtering out their messages for life.
Twitter fascinates me, because it is an incredible platform for spreading breaking news in almost real time. Try following a world event like a general election, the occupy movement, a war. I was following the UK elections on Twitter from the US and posting commentary on Facebook – my UK friends couldn’t get their heads around how I heard the news before they did. The BBC and the Guardian actually started soliciting people to tweet them with news from polling booths around the country. During the UK riots, the Guardian had roving reporters travelling up and down the country following ‘tweet’ leads. The trick with Twitter is figuring out how to sort out the chaff from the good stuff.
My pet peeve, however, is Foursquare and other such social check-in apps, which generate inane auto updates on Facebook and Twitter like ‘I’m at New York Penn Station (New York, NY) w/ 107 others’ or ‘I’m at MTA Subway – 34th St/Herald Sq (B/D/F/M/N/Q/R) (New York, NY) w/ 9 others’ and includes a link to a map with a dot on it showing the location.
First, I don’t care. Is my life any the richer for knowing that you’re at a subway station? No.
Second, I’m sure there were more than 107 people at Penn Station, but most of them didn’t have a Foursquare account.
Third, updates like that are utterly dehumanizing, as if humans were microchips to be swiped in and out of locations – which, come to think of it, is scarily close to reality in today’s world. At least Facebook status updates have personality to them – even if all your personality can rise to is posting a photo of your dinner.
Fourth, I don’t care. Stop posting Foursquare updates.
So, how’s things with you, Charles? :))))
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bronxboy55
May 5, 2012
As I said earlier to Melinda, it seems strange that people are so vocal about protecting their privacy and, at the same time, so willing to let the world know where they are and what they’re doing every minute of the day. In the end, I think all of the new social media share the same main characteristic of every other medium: they allow and contain a lot of garbage and a few treasures; the challenge is to sort through one to find the other, without getting swallowed up in the process.
Thanks, Ailsa. It was great to hear from you. I’m okay, and I hope you are, too.
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ailsapm
May 5, 2012
I’m doing really well, Charles. Haven’t been swallowed up by the forces of social media just yet. 😉
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Stacie Chadwick
May 3, 2012
I usually read your work late at night, when the kids are asleep, the bills are paid, and everything is still. You always give me something to think about. Your blog has such an evocative feel about it…whatever you’re talking about I’m experiencing. Thank you.
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bronxboy55
May 5, 2012
Thank you, Stacie, for always being so encouraging. I love reading your blog, too, and for the same reason — your writing is personal and universal at the same time. Just the latest example:
http://geminigirlinarandomworld.com/2012/05/01/coming-of-age-in-a-jeep-wagoneer/
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caroerasmus
May 3, 2012
Observant and funny, as always :).
Reminded me of an article I chanced upon a while back – http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html?_r=4&pagewanted=1.
It’s about how constant short-burst updates have made us lose the ability to have meaningful conversations – almost like we’ve become those frogs…
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bronxboy55
May 7, 2012
I’ve noticed an apparent inability for some people to have a real-life, two-way conversation. They can’t seem to listen to even one complete sentence before cutting off the speaker. I wonder where we’re headed with that.
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caroerasmus
May 14, 2012
Indeed… Also, it’s like people feel safer within the “confines” of electronic media. How did it get so scewed – why don’t we REALISE that facebook/twitter isn’t a trusty confidante, but a massive audience?
We had a big thing here the last week or so – two twenty-something models both making heinously racist comments on Twitter, with the entire country lashing out…
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magsx2
May 3, 2012
HI,
Personally I find it rather rude when someones phone rings while everyone is eating, more so if you are out with friends at a Restaurant. I see this happening more and more and I will never understand why.
When we are out with friends, it is great, it is like an unspoken rule that all phones are turned off, and we always have a wonderful time, great company, good conversation, and good food, you could not ask for more. 🙂
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bronxboy55
May 7, 2012
I guess the people who won’t tolerate the rudeness will stick together, and those who don’t consider the behavior rude will gravitate toward each other. Maybe we’ll end up with restaurants divided into sections again, similar to what we had with smoking. “Table for four? Will that be texting or non-texting?”
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Allan Douglas
May 3, 2012
Another excellent and thought provoking essay Charles. I identified with several of the points made as well as the overall ‘Is this really what was intended’ thought. A question I ask myself daily of late. Good job!
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bronxboy55
May 7, 2012
Thanks, Allan. We haven’t met, but I imagine you as a great conversationalist — someone who has something to say, but also knows how to listen. My guess is that you’ve figured out how to work technology into the mix without letting it change your basic behavior.
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knotrune
May 3, 2012
But can you know both where you are and where you’re going at the same time? Electrons can’t! Or at least, we can’t know that about electrons. But then, maybe this is what raises the human above the subatomic particle…? I’m not sure where I am or where I’m going. But I’m here and not alone 😉
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bronxboy55
May 7, 2012
It’s been theorized that the human race is like a giant nervous system, with each mind representing one neuron and technology allowing the interconnections. It would be interesting to go even deeper and think of ourselves as atomic particles in an enormous molecule. The more we know, the more uncertain some things seem to be.
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John
May 3, 2012
In a blog (which seems like such an insufficient term for what you produce) which is brimming with gems, this particular piece shines with the best of them. Or as Husserl said, “If all consciousness is subject to essential laws in a manner similar to that in which spatial reality is subject to mathematical laws, then these essential laws will be of most fertile significance in investigating facts of the conscious life of human and brute animals.”
How do you like me now!
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bronxboy55
May 7, 2012
Let me read that quote eleven or twelve more times, and I’ll get back to you. Thanks, John.
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Nicky
May 3, 2012
My neighbors pretend that I don’t exist as well, unless my dog poops on their garden, or my kitten was playing through their lillies. They might just hate animals or seek something to hate me, I don’t know…
Anyway, being acknowledged seems a bit spooky. I can only think of obsession when someone wants to know what you did when you were in the bathroom, or if someone finds interesting bladder infections. Maybe I just find doctors spooky, as they might be the only ones interested in that.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
There is a strangely indecisive thing going on between complete privacy and complete openness. We seem to have come to the conclusion that just because we can know certain things about other people, that we should know them.
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Snoring Dog Studio
May 3, 2012
I’d like to suppose that extroverts are the most comfortable with all this sharing and updating, but I think social media has even allowed introverts an outlet to share and overshare. It’s sad, though, that even though the need to be noticed, to have others see us as more than a face in the crowd, is made even more difficult by the number of social media vehicles that allow us to announce ourselves and the thousands of messages from others competing for our attention. I just want to lean over the fence in the backyard and talk to my neighbor or have a conversation face-to-face in the dog park with dogs and dog owners. On the other hand, I’ve met so many wonderful people online (you, Charles!) and I continue to learn so much.
Great post, Charles. You have a way of pointing out the yin and the yang in such a delightful way.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
That image of talking over the fence always hits home with me — there have been at least four different families living in the house directly across the street, and I’ve never met any of them. Every time I decide to go over and introduce myself, a for-sale sign appears on their front lawn. I try not to take it personally.
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Ashley
May 3, 2012
Delightful piece – and yes, you made me reflect on our *lack of* actual communication skills. We have so many outlets for relating to each other, but very little “face-to-face” contact. Someone can have 1589 Facebook friends as they sit alone in their parent’s basement in front of a computer. Oh, and silence? Some days, it’s my favorite sound:)
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
You’re right, Ashley. And the only way to have that many friends is by redefining the word. Being friends is about having a relationship, and that involves time. Maybe people are trying to find a loophole in that restriction, but at some point, something has to give.
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rangewriter
May 3, 2012
Can you hear me now? Yes, it is sometimes a challenge to separate the noise from the meaning.
Another delightful post, Charles.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Yes, I can hear you, Linda. And if at some point I can’t, I’ll come looking for you. Thanks for the kind words, as always.
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myonepreciouslife
May 3, 2012
When I was in Australia, we went to a nature place to see koalas. (Koalas are a little bit boring to watch, but they are also amazingly cute and awesome and I like their lifestyle choices.) They were mostly just sleeping so I asked the park person if they were nocturnal. It turns out they’re some other kind of turnal that sleeps something like 22 hours a day. What they do though, is wake up every once in a while and make a weird grunting noise to see if any other koalas are up and feel like playing. If not, they go back to sleep. I thought that was kind of awesome. And maybe that’s all facebook is too – us sending out coded messages that are actually saying, “Does anyone want to come out and play?”
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I wish cats were that kind of turnal. Mine sleep all day, then wrestle in the middle of the night, and wake me up to feed them.
Thanks for the comment, Stephanie. I hope you’re having a great time in Spain and Morocco. I’m looking forward to reading about the trip.
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Betty Londergan
May 3, 2012
I was hoping to find a quote from a German philosopher who would make me sound smart, too .. but I guess I’ll have to fall back on my own frail words. I think cacophony is the perfect word to describe what passes for discourse in our society today — and frankly, I’m getting a bit overwhelmed with all the noise. Maybe that’s why I so enjoy the blogging friends I’ve made — because I can read and comment as I like, but I feel quite connected to them & their thoughts and I feel validated and acknowledged when I know someone whose opinions and writing I respect likes something I wrote. It goes far beyond facebook which is just too quick and easy, and therefore, superficial. It takes time to read, write and respond to another person — and that’s the beauty of it in my book!
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Betty, you don’t need any philosopher to make you sound smart. And for what it’s worth, I’ve quoted you — often.
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Arindam
May 3, 2012
Thanks a lot for this really wonderful post. There is a thought which is going constantly through my mind and I some how relate that thought with this post; which is- Does any one really listen to what I say through my blog. When someone hits the like button, does it mean he agree with me or he is just trying to make his presence felt. Do I need to talk to people in the real world instead of this Virtual world; where I can see their expression while they talk to me rather than visualizing those expressions with my imagination just as I do when I read someone’s comment. I know I am asking too many question where, which may not be directly related to this post. But after reading this post of yours, again these thoughts started roaming in my mind.
As always Great post Sir Charles.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I think we’re lucky that we don’t really have to choose between real-world and online friends. The trick, I guess, is to remember that every person — whether we’ve met them in the flesh or not — is a human being with feelings. If we treat them with caring and respect, things have a good chance of working out. But it’s obvious you’ve already figured that out, Arindam.
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Jennie Upside Down
May 3, 2012
I must be the quirkeist person I know… I’ve taken the personality tests and I have been told that I am a Type A personality and I am an introvert. With that being said, I am a social butterfly online. If you were to meet me in person, I wouldn’t have a lot to say. However, if you were to look at my Facebook you see that I apparently have a decent fan base. I actually know 98.9% of the people on my list too. I went to a very small highschool and I am active in my church. I’ve also got an entire county of LEO/Fire/EMS friends who all want to be my buddy. I don’t go out a lot though or mingle socially very often. On FB though, I am awesome. I am *almost* okay with that.
I remember when I was growing up, I would get on my bicycle and take off for the entire day and not even give a second thought about it. I rarely even called home to check in. I didn’t concern myself to what my friends were all up to for the day and I certainly didn’t discuss what I had for lunch.
I miss those days. Now, if I leave the house and I forget to bring my cell phone, I nearly panic. I don’t panic, but I am distracted by the fact that I don’t have it with me. I get a text message more often than a phone call. I trained the people in my life to do that though. I rarely answer my phone. I let it go to voicemail and then I wait for the transciber to decode the message the best way it can. This is almost a contradiction, I don’t want to talk but I certianly don’t want to miss anything if someone were to acknowledge that I exist.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
My son came home from the mall last night and launched into a story about how he’d gotten out of the car and left his cell phone behind. I kept waiting for the point of the story — did he lose the phone? Did he miss an important call? No. The point was simply that he spent an hour walking around the mall without his cell phone, and it affected him in some dramatic way. In the end, I understood, but I definitely can’t relate.
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Jennie Upside Down
May 3, 2012
Oh and spring peepers rock. Listening to them is the only way that I can fall asleep.. They relax me. In the winter time I use a Homemedics Sound Machine.. I live in the country and am surrounded by creeks and a wetland area. They are in concert for most of the year. They don’t usually quiet down until late October, but of course that just depends on the climate at that time. What’s interesting about the peepers is that there appears to be actual songs that they sing and it sounds like 3 groups singing different chorus lines together. I love them 🙂
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I just learned about spring peepers while I was working on this post. The world is full of amazing creatures, isn’t it?
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Jennie Upside Down
May 13, 2012
It certainly is. It surprises me that you’ve not heard of them.
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Damyanti
May 3, 2012
I think you and me are somewhat on the same page already on this–I wrote a post about the disappearing art of ‘conversation’. Exchanging trivia with near strangers the way some of us do on Facebook and Twitter, is not the most effective way to truly connect.
I think I need to stop following your blog—I read your post at some ungodly hour (in my mail on my smartphone when I’m in bed) and then forget all about commenting on it. I need to come find your posts the normal way—the convenience of having it delivered to my inbox has actually become an inconvenience!
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Don’t feel pressured to comment, D. I know you’re there.
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She's a Maineiac
May 3, 2012
Charles, your posts never fail to make me smile, giggle and think. I had to go back and read it again. I think yours is the only blog that I do that! Even your cartoons crack me up. “I’m here too and I also have a cell phone.” That killed me!
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Thank you, Darla. Your posts do the same for me. And congratulations on being Freshly Pressed yet again. How many is this?
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She's a Maineiac
May 11, 2012
Thanks! To know I can make you laugh? You know that makes my day.
This is my 4th Freshly Pressed. And it was a post I almost didn’t publish.
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shamasheikh
May 4, 2012
Have not been here for a bit…so tonight was a feast of giggles…fun…laughter…and as always, much food for thought through your delightfully brilliant writings Charles…many thanks!
This subject is one that appears to be close to a lot of our hearts…but which we all seem to be sadly sucked into at varying degrees of interaction. Is this a result of…a deep social brainwashing…a fear of being alone with our own thoughts…social voyeurism…or an almost compulsive but unvoiced sense of exhibitionism? This visceral need seems to be overpowering all sense of privacy and respect for time and place…leaving us sadly and progressively less able to connect in…real time and real life! A great sadness.! The advantages of all this improved and improving technology is undisputed…what we have to temper is our overly and insidious dependence on it…
German philosophers however, are par for the course…Brilliantly put Charles…God bless….
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Thank you for the wonderful comment, Shama. I think (and hope) it’s all just a matter of finding the right balance — and that’s going to be different for each of us. The ability to connect with so many people all over the world is clearly something of great value. If that ability damages our relationships with those right around us, then we may have to re-examine our priorities. I really believe we’ll figure it out.
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Michelle Gillies
May 4, 2012
I read this a couple of times before I braved a comment.
This post is amusing, clever and entertaining … as I have come to expect from you (not too much pressure).
However, there is something deeply profound here that struck a very loud cord: spring peeper loud.
I noticed ( 😉 ) that you quoted a German philosopher – Georg Simmel
… we develop self-esteem and a sense of place by seeking “the awareness of others.”
I think that cuts to the core of who we are as human beings. Is anyone even aware that I exist? Do they know who I am? What do they think of me? Will anyone notice if I am gone?
We are fragile creatures.
M
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
My father used to torture me with that annoying philosophical question: “If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, is that sound?” I think he used that question to get rid of me, because I always responded by running outside. But it’s the same thing we’re asking now: “If no one notices me, do I exist?” It seems like a scary idea, but less so if we at least realize that’s what we’re doing. This may be another post. Thanks, Michelle!
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Christiana Pilgrim
May 4, 2012
Very nice, sir. My mother and I have been having this sort of conversation on and off for a few years–she’s rather squeamish about how much information we “need” to share with others these days, and I agree with her to a certain extent. As far as text messages, though, often mine are about the other person: “I saw this film and thought of you” because it was based on her favorite book, or “I heard the song you played last week and wish you were here.” In that realm of technology, I’m less desirous of letting someone else know I’m here than I am of letting someone else know that they matter to me, that they are not “out of sight, out of mind” as the saying goes.
But Facebook? Yep. That’s totally calling out for reassurance and existence. There’s nothing quite like going to your page and having a status that 78 friends “liked” to make one feel a little more present in the world, even for introverts like us.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
Maybe all of this is nothing new, Christiana. We used to do it through handwritten letters, private phone calls, and conversations over tea and cookies. Now we do it in more public ways — through Facebook, standing on line at the bank, or texting at the dinner table. But the underlying need seems to be the same: “I’ll remember you if you remember me.”
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Christiana Pilgrim
May 14, 2012
Well said. I still do the handwritten letters, though, because there’s something to knowing that you and you alone are targeted for an idea that is so powerful. (Also, I’m terrible at phone conversations.) There’s something in the time and effort of face-to-face meetings that will only be lost at great cost.
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Val
May 5, 2012
Thank you for reminding me how much I miss communication with my fellow bloggers since I deleted Absurd Old Bird! I don’t seem to have been here for a while either (or have I? Or is my brain playing tricks again?)
I wonder about these things too, Charles. Communication, our needs for it – or not. I like to think of myself as introvert but a part of me is extravert. I echo, to a degree, what Patrice said: when alone I don’t want to be with people, when with them, I’m enjoying their company.
The frogs… yep, I wonder if they can recognise each other. Maybe frogs have something we don’t have. Er… tadpoles?
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
If you can enjoy being alone when you are, and then enjoy being with people when you’re around them — isn’t that the best of both worlds? It sounds like exactly the right approach. Thank you, Val. I hope all is well.
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Marusia
May 6, 2012
I’m really sorry for Nietzsche’s dog… Yet it could be worse… if Nietzsche’s frog was dead, too!!!
(Just keeping in touch…)
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I don’t know if Nietzsche had a frog, but if he did, I’m sure it’s dead. Thanks for keeping in touch, Marusia.
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lostnchina
May 7, 2012
On WordPress here, you can link your blog to **publicize** with your Twitter, LinkedIn, MSN, Facebook accounts and probably also with the Social Security Administration, the IRS, your elementary school, your bank, and an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend from high school. I could spend half a day organizing Facebook friends into “Restricted”, “Acquaintance” and “Close Friends” category, which will deem which parts of my profile they could read. It was never this complicated growing up. And your post just drove the message home for me. I’m going to find my old mechanical typewriter, feed my cell to a stray dog and type up a post about embracing the olden days where people called each other with tin cans and a string. If you’re going to reply to this comment, please do it in the form of smoke signals 🙂
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I think the tin cans were a little too olden — they never really worked, at least not for my brother and me. And the wind is blowing the wrong way for smoke signals. Thanks for the great comment, Susan. (I hope you get this reply.)
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Nel
May 8, 2012
BB55, I agree with you on the overdose of consistent self-promotion over the many forms of social media available. I will say, however, that these channels also have their advantages. Still, like alcohol, they’re better “consumed” in moderation.
Remarkable piece!
Cheers,
Nel
P.S. I’m finding that your book (Mostly Bright Ideas) serves best as my commute companion – each essay is short enough to read while waiting for the bus or train.
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I agree about the advantages, Nel. The ability to communicate will always be preferable. And thanks for buying (and mentioning) the book.
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Barbara Rodgers
May 8, 2012
I love it – a form of echo-location!!! Coming from a quiet family where the tag-line could be ‘no news is good news’ I am baffled at how often some folks keep in touch. Excellent post, Charles!
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bronxboy55
May 11, 2012
I’m equally baffled, Barbara, coming from a family in which most of us were usually hiding from each other.
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Christine@100things100days
May 10, 2012
Echo-location. Now I know why I write my blog. : )
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2012
And an excellent blog it is, Christine. I just finished reading this:
http://100things100days.com/2012/05/12/how-i-cured-my-doctor-dependency-and-cleaned-out-my-medicine-cabinet/
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dearrosie
May 11, 2012
Well dear Charles you did it again – another wonderful post. I love the examples of what people share on FB.
And also love the “OK if I shave first?” cartoon because of course no one’s looking at anyone else so who cares if they shave or not. Another car – a Mazda Miata – went over the cliff on Malibu Canyon Road today and the 46 year old driver died. Sigh….More and more people are driving over the cliffs of the winding canyon roads because they’re texting .
I watch people walking around the Museum [where I work] constantly texting/emailing or whatever they do with iPhones, instead of looking at the art on the walls or their friends and family standing next to them….
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2012
It’s an epidemic, Rosie. We don’t have any roads winding along steep cliffs where I live, but I have seen people walk out into traffic while staring at their cell phones. It’s scary.
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lespeter
May 14, 2012
Sunday 5/13/2012: Via MacBerry iTwitter DroneFone. I am here. Checking out this blog. Blog me about this blog @ MeBabbleYouBabble.com. I’ll be there, or here. Check my location on GPS and tell me where I am….or was.
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2012
I don’t have GPS, have never sent a text message, and just deactivated my Facebook account. Maybe I don’t even exist.
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Roger Tharpe
May 16, 2012
The power of social interaction. If wielded wrongly the social interaction may be destructive. For as creatures created to be relational our need for social interactions makes us vulnerable for any interaction whether good or bad. One must be careful to use discernment when choosing their interaction.
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bronxboy55
May 31, 2012
Good advice, Roger, and becoming truer all the time.
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Sandra Parsons
May 21, 2012
Hah, I might not be a philosopher but I am definitely German, so I am going to quote myself here to sound a little smarter:
“I was reflecting on the introvert/extrovert issue and I believe that modern media are actually better geared towards introverts. Which is probably why they are so popular because they provide an outlet for people who usually struggle with social interaction. Reading your blog and your comments on comments for instance, I would have never guessed you are an introvert, Charles.
I, on the other hand consider myself an examplary extrovert, yet the last time I updated my own facebook status must be months in the past. I do check my wall at least twice a day and comment on my friends’ updates though.
Thanks for making me think and chuckle simultaneously again, I always love reading your posts.”
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bronxboy55
May 31, 2012
I’m definitely an introvert, Sandra, but you’re right: technology and related media allow me to express myself in ways I otherwise couldn’t, or wouldn’t. I also think most people fall somewhere along the spectrum of introvert-extravert, but few are at the extremes.
I love reading your posts, too.
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dreamingthruthetwilight
June 1, 2012
What a find this blog is!I am hooked.
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bronxboy55
June 19, 2012
Thank you very much. And sorry it took me so long to reply to this comment.
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