As a young boy attending Catholic school, I was taught that God made the universe and everything in it. His design was all part of a grand plan, which we mortals of limited wisdom could barely begin to comprehend. If the furnace blew up or Uncle Dominick drowned in a lake, we were supposed to accept it, rather than try to infer some meaning.
Okay. I get that, the barely comprehending part. I find most things baffling, so it doesn’t take much to mystify me. For example, if I stand between a wireless laptop and a laser printer across the room, I don’t understand why the printed pages don’t have images of my rib cage and spleen on them. Actually, it gets much more basic than that. I’m puzzled by ballpoint pens. (I would think the ink would get used up after two or three sentences.) And automatic coin sorters. (Why don’t the dimes get mixed in with the pennies?)
Just last week I was in a drugstore and picked up a pack of gum that had the word Professional in big, bold letters on the wrapper. It was one of those moments when I realize I have no control over my own mind. I know it isn’t really important, and that I have better things to worry about, but there’s a small part of my brain that craves idiocy. It’s the part that not only seeks out nonsense, but savors it. The part that wants to know what it means to say that gum is professional, and worse, insists on asking the cashier.
“Do I have to go through special training before I can chew this?”
“I’m sorry?” she said.
“Do I need some certification in order to buy this gum?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
She had a familiar expression on her face, as though she were pretending to carry on a conversation with me, but had no idea what I was talking about. It didn’t seem like a good day for high-risk activity, so I replaced the professional pack and selected an amateur-level grape bubblegum.
A few months ago I found myself shopping for a hand-held shower head. Again, one of the models was called Professional. Were there professionals in this field, too? I had no idea showering was even a field. I have years of experience, and although I don’t recall the exact circumstances, on several occasions I’ve taken three showers on the same day. Where do I apply for such a job?
This nearly-total lack of a mental filter can cause increased stress. Things find their way to my brain, things that don’t belong there, just as things don’t belong in my lungs, like dust and the powdered stuff at the bottom of the cereal box. Sometimes I go to bed with a song stuck in my head, and when I wake up in the morning, it’s still there. I feel a sense of panic: was the song playing all night, like a scratched vinyl record? What might the long-term effects be of hearing a single line from “Kung Fu Fighting” repeated hundreds of times during REM sleep? Maybe the words imprinted themselves into my mind, the way an image gets burned onto a computer monitor, or the way my mother warned me that if I kept making a certain face it would get stuck like that forever.
If there really is a grand plan, I worry that I may have strayed off the page. Is it possible that I’ve even wandered too close to the edge of insanity, like an unwary object that crosses the boundary of a black hole?
And speaking of black holes, why is everything in the universe so far apart? Was there a reason for creating billions of galaxies that no one will ever visit? Galaxies are quite large. Why not just two or three, and within commuting distance?
I’ve read that the planet Jupiter protects the Earth by acting a like a giant vacuum cleaner, sucking up stray asteroids and smaller chunks of rock that could find their way to us — with catastrophic results. God, then, put Jupiter right where it is to save us from getting conked out of existence by one of these boulders that He himself created. This reminds me of those signs that warn you that you’re approaching a bump ahead in the road. Instead of putting up a sign, why not just get rid of the bump?
In a few billion years, according to astronomers, the sun will expand, turning into a red giant whose diameter will be so enormous that it will include Earth’s orbit. In other words, in case you missed the implications of that, we will be inside the sun. Needless to say, that’s liable to get a little uncomfortable. But where can we go? It’s a really long trip to the nearest star, and there may not be any planets there that are inhabitable. If I were designing the universe, I’d have the stars on some kind of rotating schedule. When one was about to burn out or blow up, it would be sent on its way and a new one would move into place. There might be a slight delay in service, say a day or two with no heat or light while I was getting things into proper alignment. But then everything would be all set for another couple of billion years. Nobody would get burned to a crisp or be forced to spend their lives traveling to a distant solar system just to keep the species going.
As far as the natural world we’re familiar with, there’d be some changes there, as well. Giant tortoises have been known to live for nearly two centuries. A carp named Hanako died in 1977 at the age of 226. I had pet turtles when I was a boy. We kept them in a plastic pond with a fake palm tree sticking out of the middle of it. The turtles always died within a few months, and then we would run them over with our bicycles, just to see what would happen. I’ve never been able to keep goldfish alive for more than a week. So why are these animals living so long in the wild? They show no discernible ambition, no desire to make constructive use of their time. They have nothing to do. Meanwhile, people — the only ones worrying about asteroids and giant suns — are lucky if they get fifty productive years. This has to be some kind of clerical error.
What about frogs? They can breathe on land and in the water. This would have been a nice little feature for humans, wouldn’t it? Uncle Dominick might still be around, plus we would have never had to watch The Poseidon Adventure. I don’t care if you believe in creation or evolution — somebody blew it. Then there are those tropical fish. Why put so much beauty under the ocean, where most of it is hidden? Fish should be gray, or some shade of beige. Dogs and cats and horses should be bright colors. And maybe cows.
I can now see that taking over the world will not be enough. The entire universe is in disarray, and something will have to be done about it. This is going to take a colossal effort, and someone with an unsurpassed ability to focus, concentrate, and block out all extraneous thoughts and distractions. By the way, did you know there’s a professional-style cream of chicken soup?
Sarah
May 31, 2011
Great post, Charles, as usual! So much good stuff here, but I seem to be stuck on one thing: How did they know how old Hanako the carp was? Was he trained somehow to tell them how old he was by, perhaps, waving a fin, similar to the way horses are trained to count with their hooves? How can one possibly know how old a carp is? I’ll be pondering this all day now–thanks (there’s sarcasm in that “thanks,” but I bet you already perceived that)!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
I’ve read that the scales have growth rings that can be counted. It is a little hard to believe, though. Maybe Hanako was really a series of fish, like the Lassie of Japan. I’ll look into it some more; you have better things to do.
LikeLike
cooperstownersincanada
May 31, 2011
Professional gum? I never knew that gum chewing required so much skill. Many hilarious observations in this piece, Charles. Thanks as always for bringing a smile to my day.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
And thank you, as always, for leaving such a nice comment, Kevin.
LikeLike
Betty Londergan
May 31, 2011
Oh THANKS, Charles, now I’ve got “Kung Foo Fighting” in my brain and it won’t dislodge…. “those kids were fast as lightning … in fact, it was a little bit frightening …” on constant repeat! But I share your mystification about random labels: I’ve always been mesmerized by a service truck here emblazoned with the sign: Creative Plumbing. I would think the hallmark of a good plumber is one who never, ever decides to get creative with your sewage pipes, but maybe I’m mistaken. And by all means, check out Seinfeld’s diatribe on “Maximum Strength” pain relievers (they’ve probably all been upgraded to “Professional” strength by now) – it’s hilarious. We’re clearly a planet of people who love hyperbole … hey, somebody cue the next sun!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
Hyperbole is right, Betty. I can never figure out which olives are bigger — king size or colossal. Do you know?
LikeLike
She's a Maineiac
May 31, 2011
Thank you yet again for the laughs! I’ve often worried about having a certain song stuck in my head. Sometimes it’s for days (and usually one of those excrutiating kid’s show theme songs) and I wonder, what if this song NEVER stops? What will happen to me? How much longer can I keep my sanity hearing, “Dora, Dora, Dora, the Explorer”?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
Have you ever heard this one?
You’ll be sorry.
LikeLike
happykidshappymom
June 1, 2011
Oh my word. My sister and I used to sing that to annoy the heck out of each other! 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 2, 2011
You should call her up and sing it to her. Or just send her the link.
LikeLike
Diane Henders
May 31, 2011
I’d be intimidated by “professional” gum, too.
And thank goodness it’s only the cream of chicken soup that’s professional. Where do I sign the petition to keep chicken noodle in the amateur leagues? Hurry up and take over the world, Charles, I’m getting scared! 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
As far as I know, it’s only the cream of chicken that’s considered a professional soup. I may go back and buy the gum, just to see if I can get away with it.
LikeLike
heidit
May 31, 2011
So funny. I also like how the word “executive” is thrown around, I think in a similar manner to “professional.” Sometimes, when I stop to think about how everything in the world works and how it all seems to fit, I start to get worried that there’s been a miscalculation somewhere and we’re really all headed for doom. Luckily, when I get like that, a cute picture of a kitten cheers me up.
I am also often befuddled by how things work. Don’t even ask me how the Internet works. I’m reasonably certain that computers are sold with gnomes inside them, casting spells and whatnot to take us to the websites we need. That is the only reasonable explanation for how stuff that’s written in Nova Scotia can show up on my computer in BC.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
Every time I look at that little memory card inside the digital camera and read that it can store thousands of color photographs, I think, “It’s not possible.” We’ve reached that point where we can’t even visualize what’s happening — the concrete has become abstract.
LikeLike
Snoring Dog Studio
May 31, 2011
We live in a nonsensical world that should produce constant laughter were it not for the fact that there are too few people like yourself, Charles, in it. In the airport on the way here to Texas, United invites the first class travelers to enter the plane on the red carpet — which is a grimy, dingy scuffed up rectangle no larger than 3 by 4 feet. Does that make one feel special or rather silly? The world is silly and I do hope that you’ll continue to point that out!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
You’re right, SDS. It’s a world filled with nonsense, and a lot of serious problems, too. Maybe if we were better at recognizing the nonsense, we’d also be better at solving the problems. I always look to your blog to help me sort it all out. Just one recent example:
http://snoringdogstudio.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/the-not-so-tragic-outcome-of-arnold’s-betrayal/
LikeLike
Jac
May 31, 2011
I’ve always wondered what makes a person an “expert” on something. Sometimes you see these people on the news, talking about anything from dirt to quantum physics (nope, don’t have a clue what that is) and they have that word next to the subject that they are speaking about. ” Joe Bob Jenkins, Dirt Expert”. How do they earn the title? Are there certain criteria that they must meet? I’m guessing if they are experts on anything, that they would be smart enough to chew the Professional gum. But what do I know? I’m an amateur.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
For a long time, it was possible to be knowledgeable in many different fields. Some of the greatest scientists in history were also mathematicians, explorers, philosophers, inventors, and artists. But as people became more literate and more educated, and communication improved, it became necessary to specialize. The result was that you found your thin slice of research and dug down as far as you could go. I’d imagine even dirt would be too broad a field; you’d have to focus on some specific kind of dirt found only in some limited location. We need the experts sometimes, but I feel a little sorry for them, too — even if they get to chew the gum.
LikeLike
Damyanti
May 31, 2011
Thanks not only for your humor which cheers me up early in the morning just when I need it to get through the day, but also for all the questions you ponder over on behalf of all of us. Throughout history, a lot of things got figured out that way! lols
A lot of things about creation would begin to make sense when we consider the possibility that it was not done for the express purpose of benefiting and pleasing the human race, and we as a species are a minute and rather random part of it all 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
I agree, Damyanti. We place ourselves in the middle of everything, then wonder why our view is so limited. It would help to sometimes step off to the side and look from a different perspective.
LikeLike
Lenore Diane
May 31, 2011
Goodness, I’m distracted by the comments. I’m sorry, what was the topic of the post? “This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friends….” (I didn’t even have to press play.)
Oh and, “Everybody was Kung fu fighting!”
Seriously? You ran over the dead turtles with your bikes? Um, wasn’t once enough? Or did you need to make sure the same thing happened to all other dead turtles? I hate that I laughed at that part – but – I did laugh.
You raise a good point with the beauty in the water – where not one can see it. Perhaps it is better that way. We tend to destroy beauty, you know?
Excellent, as always. ~ Lenore
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2011
Lenore, I have to confess that I don’t remember actually riding over the dead turtles. I doubt I could have done it, because I had trouble even looking at flounder my older brother would bring home from fishing trips. But someone rode over the turtles, and the fact that I can still remember this tells me I was probably upset about it.
Yes, we do tend to destroy beauty, don’t we? I’m always shocked by the combination of a stunning landscape and hideous apartment buildings.
LikeLike
Jess Witkins
May 31, 2011
You asked if you needed certification to chew gum? LOL. Classy, Charles.
But hey, don’t groan at watching The Poseidon Adventure. I like that movie! I think I have a soft spot for films with Red Buttons in them: Hatari, Bonnie and Clyde, and Poseidon. Plus I’m pretty sure it made the American Film Institute’s top 100 Thrillers list. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing…are you more buoyant than me? What if that professional gum actually lets you breathe underwater? Perhaps you would be saved by the flotation of spearmint… Sorry, my mind wandered for a minute. 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
I was going to say Titanic, but didn’t want to get into a big argument with people who liked that movie. The Poseidon Adventure seemed like a safer option, yet here we are having the argument anyway. (And about the original, no less.) It was well done, but I have trouble watching people drown, even when I know they’re not really drowning.
Yes, I did ask about the gum certification. My son scolded me for several minutes after we left the store.
LikeLike
Noreen
May 31, 2011
Thanks for the smiles. You’re crazy you know, but I love it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
If it gave you a smile, it was worth it. Thanks, Noreen.
LikeLike
Priya
June 1, 2011
I could send you right to the black hole of your choice for having put Kung Fu Fighting inside my head yet again. I read the post last night, cursing you when I reached that section. This morning, when I began re-reading it, I was keeping an eye out to miss the two words. But alas, my mind was not as fast as lightning.
I wish you a day full of this song’s replay. And oh, the black hole.
PS: The post is beautiful as always, Charles. I am amazed at how your mind works.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
I will continue to write from inside the black hole, although I’ll probably need to use a condensed font.
And the song was a gift for you. Happy Birthday.
LikeLike
Priya
June 1, 2011
I woke up to the tune. Asked my husband if he’s heard the song (wanted to pass on the gift, you see). He hasn’t.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 2, 2011
You should play it for him on his birthday.
LikeLike
souldipper
June 1, 2011
While you’re at it, Charles, please help me to understand a huge mystery – sea level. How is it calculated? If you can understand Wiki, please explain it to me. Is sea level the same on the west coast of America as it is on the east coast? What tide level was it when the calculations began?
“Oh we’re at an altitude of 3,000 feet.” Yeah? Sez who? When I’m standing on a mountain in Alberta at 3,000 feet altitude, what is zero? Sea level?
If never ending songs are ear worms, this must be a brain worm.
P.S. – Do you have to be a princess to ride that horse? Or just a professional?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 1, 2011
It’s a good question, Amy. Sea level is one of those things we assume we understand, until we actually try to think about it. Isn’t the sea constantly moving? And aren’t there places on Earth that are below sea level? Measuring a mountain in such a place would force you to deduct the bottom part of the mountain (the part below sea level) from its height. That doesn’t make sense, especially if you’re standing next to the mountain, or climbing it. These are all things we’re going to have to straighten out.
That horse looks too small for riding. Maybe a young princess.
LikeLike
Jessica Sieghart
June 1, 2011
My TMJ (from too much youthful gum chewing, I’m sure) prohibits me from gum altogether these days and I’ve missed the professional version of such a product. I can’t even grasp what it could begin to mean. Is this the gum that that 5th Trident dentist was waiting to be released so that he could finally recommend it?
I could never be an astronomer. Just thinking about space, its vastness and explosiveness just freaks me out. I’m fascinated by your color suggestions. The Earth, anyway, would be much prettier with pink cows and purple puppies. How nice would turtles look with mosaic shells? We have a reptile rescue/ kind of museum, I guess you’d call it, in one of our local malls. Something is wrong with each of the animals and they couldn’t survive in the wild or a zoo from what I understand because of the specialized care they need. They have a turtle there they pulled a bullet from the civil war out of its shell. According to their calculations, this turtle has to be at least 150 years old because it had to be sturdy enough for the shell to withstand such an impact. The story is more fascinating than the turtle that just sits there.
LikeLike
Jessica Sieghart
June 2, 2011
Ok, I had to know what “professional” gum means. It has something in it that cleans your teeth while you chew, in case you can’t brush. It would seem that the 5th dentist is not just recommending this gum, he’s actually in it. There you go. Learn something new every day!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 2, 2011
Thanks for your research about the gum, Jessica. I was planning to call the company, but you saved me the trouble. And I like the story about the turtle and the Civil War bullet. That museum sounds as though it might make an interesting subject for your column.
LikeLike
Melinda
June 3, 2011
Omg Jessica that made me cackle…he’s in it.
LikeLike
arborfamiliae
June 1, 2011
I have never heard of professional chewing gum, but somehow it doesn’t surprise me. We Americans do love our hyperbole, but it seems to lead to a sort of “expectation inflation.” When you go to the store to buy something, the regular, normal product just won’t do anymore. And then when you buy the professional product and realize it’s just the same product repackaged with a new wrapper, there’s a level of disappointment (unless you can stay rooted firmly in denial and believe that the word professional can have any real meaning with respect to something like chewing gum).
I think expectation inflation is a terrible thing. It’s bad enough that inflation causes our prices to go up (gas at $4…who could have imagined?) But when it makes our expectations rise out of control, that’s a real tragedy.
Seeing all the complexity of the universe–combined with all the nonsense and even maliciousness that are mixed in–makes me wonder how everything works as well as it does. How do we not just crumple under all the complexity?
I laughed when you say in response to one of your commenters: “My son scolded me for several minutes after we left the store.” I get scolded for inappropriate father-behavior all the time. I probably relish it a little too much.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 2, 2011
I wish companies would spend less time and money telling us how great their products are, and more on making them actually do what they’re supposed to do. About the scolding: I like it, too. Maybe it helps us feel that we haven’t completely grown up yet, and become boring adults.
Thanks for the comment, Kevin.
LikeLike
Earth Ocean Sky Redux
June 1, 2011
Aaah, The Edge of Insanity. I’m right there with you although I must disclose, my Edge is Deluxe Professional Grade.
Happy Belated Birthday Priya!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 2, 2011
Does the Deluxe Professional Grade have a more distinct edge? Because sometimes the line seems to blur for me.
LikeLike
Priya
June 2, 2011
Thank you for the birthday wishes, EOS. I feel wowed.
Thank you for bringing them to my attention, Charles. I can almost forgive you for making me relive the trauma of KFF replays.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
Sorry about the Kung Fu thing, Priya. Here, this should help, and also provide proof that if we approach writing as a serious profession — and a craft — we too can achieve fame and fortune:
LikeLike
happykidshappymom
June 3, 2011
I. Love. It. 🙂 I’m going to play this for my kids! (But whenever I get excited about a “catchy” crazy song, my husband points out there’s some sort of “bad” lyrics in it that aren’t appropriate for children. I can’t understand half the songs I hear, so this happens all the time. But come on. This is too good not to share. As you know, since you shared it!)
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
Actually, this is another song that sends me running from the room. I can never understand how these things even get recorded. Could you or I have ever convinced a record producer that this would sell? (Are there still record producers?)
LikeLike
Priya
June 11, 2011
I was blissfully unaware of your having posted this song, Charles. Rosie told me you’ve left me a song and I came running here, hoping for a sincere make up for the Kung Fu thing. But now that I’ve heard this one, I can’t even hate you. Ugh.
PS: Do accept my most dedicated shot back at you.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 11, 2011
Priya, I would like to call a truce. It isn’t that I can’t fire back. The number of inane songs is endless, and we could go on like this forever, but what would it accomplish? As my son used to say, “my head has a stomach-ache.”
LikeLike
Priya
June 13, 2011
I refuse to accept the truce. So there.
LikeLike
magsx2
June 1, 2011
Hi,
Advertising you just have to laugh at most things, who knows what some of these people think when they come up with these idea’s, maybe the word professional makes people buy more, or they use that word so they can put a bigger price on the item, do people actually fall for things like that?
I have read the theory about the sun, who knows, we can certainly add that to the never ending lists of the “End of the World” theory’s, I’m sure as time goes on there will be a lot more to add to the list. 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
I think Jessica found the explanation, and it makes sense. On the other hand, I don’t think the word Professional is immediately clear to most consumers when it appears on a pack of gum.
There are a lot of theories that predict the end of life, or at least the end of human civilization. The expanding sun idea, though, gets rid of the entire planet. That’s something to keep an eye on.
Thanks for the comment, Mags.
LikeLike
happykidshappymom
June 1, 2011
Professional gum? Love it. And I love that you brought it to the attention of the store clerk. 🙂 My husband ordered a motherboard once (no, I don’t really know what that is), manufactured in China. The translation of its instructions was less than accurate, and began with the line, “This motherboard is magnificent.”
Maybe whoever penned the gum’s catch phrase wasn’t a native English speaker?
Or maybe they were, yet were under pressure to use a word not already tapped for the gum market?
Or maybe they were targeting a new client base: “professionals,” who would receive free samples of the gum as an advertising kick.
Or perhaps someone in marketing decided that a long word with a bunch of letters all smooshed together would be visually appealing, and stand out among all the other choices on the shelf?
This is what happens to my mind when I see something like this. Now I’ll be going all night. At least I’ll have those stellar songs you just got stuck in my head to keep me company!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
Now that I look at the pack again, Melissa, I notice that the brand is Extra, and the specific product is called Professional. But you could read them together: Extra Professional, meaning that this gum is even more professional than other professional gums. I’m glad I didn’t see it that way at first, because it would have confused me even more.
LikeLike
Allan Douglas
June 2, 2011
OK, I too have noticed the word “professional” popping up on more and more labels, I’m guessing it has supplanted things like “improved” or “extra strength” as the supreme marketing buzz word. But chewing gum!? That is an all-time low for some advertising agency. I’m left wondering how many people do as you did and put it back, thinking that they are not qualified to chew this product. I know it would give me pause… professional masticator is not on my resume!
Thanks for another entertaining read, Charles.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
I’m sure it had something to do with a marketing focus group, Allan. Too bad we weren’t invited.
LikeLike
Allan Douglas
June 4, 2011
I keep asking for an application to become a “they”, but no one seems to know where those are kept. You, know, “They say (this)” “They say (that)” If you and I could get on that panel, much improvement could be accomplished. I would, of course, let yo take the first opening; being the supreme remodeler of the galaxy and all… 🙂
LikeLike
Allan Douglas
June 2, 2011
…Oh, and thanks so much; now I’m going to have The Song That Never Ends rolling through my head all day long. Ahhhhhh!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
You can replace that song with another equally annoying one. (See above.)
LikeLike
Earth Ocean Sky Redux
June 2, 2011
I’d never heard of this song and thought, no, I won’t bother to play it. Then my fingers got a twitch and I hit the play button. Gee, thanks. Now not only do I know it, but I have it stuck in my head. 😦
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
This is the thinking behind repetitive and irritating commercials, EOS — that they’ll get stuck in our heads, drive us crazy, and somehow compel us to go out and buy the products being advertised. It’s that last step that doesn’t make sense to me.
LikeLike
dearrosie
June 2, 2011
Professional gum eh! I have never noticed that on the gum label. Good grief! You’re not kidding, there really is a gum that will brush my teeth for me???
Well thanks BB and Jessica S, now I know what to do next time I take a long plane trip where I don’t sleep for a couple of nights … you know how every time you brush your teeth you have another snack …
I always used to say I’d like to meet Robin Williams before I die. You know that one last dinner…. Now my wish is to meet bronxboy at that dinner table.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2011
I don’t know about you, Rose, but if I knew I was going to die the next day, I wouldn’t have much of an appetite. Could we do it sooner? (You can save Robin for the last supper. I’m sure he’d be more entertaining.)
LikeLike
dearrosie
June 10, 2011
You’re right BB why wait for my last supper to meet? I accept your offer. I’d LOVE to meet sooner. CA or Ca? Now that I know a certain someone specializes in cheesecake, I look forward to a slice of cheesecake 🙂
And while I’m chatting to you, may I add my congratulations on being Freshly Pressed (is that the term?). You really deserve it!
I had no idea what it was, or why there was such an avalanche of comments on your blog, and Priya had to explain it to me.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
Thanks, Rosie. The avalanche has subsided, which is a relief. It’s a long way from California to eastern Canada, but I hope we can get together someday — with or without the cheesecake.
LikeLike
Melinda
June 3, 2011
Too funny!! The professional gum had me stumped too as I assumed it was for people that can blow good bubbles. I might actually like my dog if he was pink and purple striped so he would greatly appreciate a hair color appointment when that’s available. That sure was an interesting observation, as usual, on the animal colors. I’m confident we are in good hands with you at the reins and running the place.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 5, 2011
I appreciate your vote of confidence, Melinda. Although, being stumped by a pack of gum can’t really be considered a positive sign, can it?
LikeLike
Val
June 4, 2011
As ever I love your post, Charles. Those songs that go through your head on autopilot – they’re called ‘earworms’. And there’s even a book on ’em (well part of it is on earworms) by Oliver Sacks, called ‘Musicophilia‘. A few weeks ago (or months, who’s counting?) I did a post in which stabbing salad with my fork put me in mine of the lyric ‘stab it with their steely knives’ from the Eagles and then I couldn’t get Hotel California out of my mind for weeks afterwards. However, I was in good company – most of the people who read my post were suffering from that earworm too, because kind old me put a video of it there for them! 🙂
Oh and the galaxy (galaxies?) aren’t vast, we’re just tiny-wee! Little tiny wee thingies. 😉 And that’s about as comprehendable (comprehensible?) as anything else, really.
I prepared some salad yesterday with capers that looked like baby frogs I used to keep as a child. (Not in salad.) You’re not the only one with weird stuff going on the head…
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 5, 2011
Wouldn’t it be fun to be able to trade minds for just a few minutes, just to see what’s really going on in the heads of other people?
Or maybe not.
LikeLike
Val
June 5, 2011
We’d be so mind-boggled!
LikeLike
writerwoman61
June 6, 2011
I’m late to the party on this one, Charles…I’m about a week behind reading blog posts…just starting to catch up.
I think we had the same turtles…I don’t think ours lasted more than a few weeks though! We never got a chance to try fish!
You mentioning the powder at the bottom of the cereal box gave me a flashback to making Kool-Aid…you don’t ever want to inhale that stuff!
Thanks for another fun post, Charles!
Wendy
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
And your mention of Kool-Aid reminded me of the powdery sugar candy we used to buy when we were kids. It came in a long paper straw, and inhaling it was just as dangerous. Eventually we learned to pour some into our palms and lick it off. The stains on our hands lasted for days, but at least no one got it in their lungs.
LikeLike
obsidianfactory
June 8, 2011
I really envy you ▬ you live such an interesting life… ^_^
I do not think there is anything really wrong with the universe as in structure but I understand your need to question and probe.
You have a lovely way with words so I am glad you got freshly pressed ^_^
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
Thanks, obsidianfactory. Being Freshly Pressed allowed me to meet other bloggers like you, so I’m glad it happened, too.
LikeLike
the island traveler
June 11, 2011
Witty and funny. Your post gives a new perspective of things. Makes us look , pause and think. You see things that otherwise most of us would ignore like the word Proffesional on the gum’s label. What was the company’s advertisers thinking when they came up with the idea? A gum is a gum.If I like the taste, I buy it. As for creation, It’s always a mystery how they were made and for what purpose. I would like to believe they were made for something good, for something great and for something that will move our senses. As to why the beautiful sea creatures are hidden from our usual view on land? Got no clue but may be so man don’t over harvest them like they did to our forest? Great post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
So much of what goes on — both in nature and in the actions of man — remains a mystery. All we can do is try to focus on what’s important and understand what we can. Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
charlywalker
June 13, 2011
Buy the Gum…chew it..spit it into the black hole………or stick it under your computer desk….
I just love when advertisers call inanimate objects “smart” or “intelligent”…..
Great Post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 21, 2011
There are so many different models and varieties of every product now. I’m sure part of the marketing strategy is to give consumers a feeling of superiority, making them think they’re rising above the crowd to buy something only appreciated by experts or professionals.
Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
Charlotte
October 23, 2011
Ok, I’ve read 3 post and I don’t need to read more. You sir are going straight to my blogroll. I just love people who are unable to focus just like me.
Over thinking every little thing or detail about this “real” world can be a curse but in your case I think it’s bliss cuz you get supper funny and witty posts out of it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
October 18, 2012
Gracias, Charlotte. I don’t know why it took me a year to see your comment. But I still appreciate it.
LikeLike
Charlotte
November 7, 2012
Oh wow It’s been a year? Took me a long while to realize where this comment was from before clicking the link. It’s never too late, thanks.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
November 8, 2012
I just read your latest post out loud, and I could understand some of it. I wish there were a translate-to-English button, but then, I’m sure it would distort the meaning.
LikeLike
Charlotte
November 8, 2012
Ohh jeez wordpress still link me to the spanish blog, sorry about that. Doesn’t really matter since I haven’t been in neither in a while.
Cheers!
LikeLike