There are days when I have the ability to see joy and wonder and loveliness everywhere I look. Colors are vivid, birds are chirping, and the future looks bright and full of hope.
This isn’t one of those days.
We have big problems, and very few people are stepping up to correct them. The few who are doing something appear to be making matters worse. I’ve stood idly by long enough, and now have made the only decision that seems both rational and feasible. I’m going to take over the world.
I know what you’re thinking. Others have tried this approach before — taking over the world — and it never works out. But that’s because they do it for the wrong reasons. They’re motivated by greed and a mad lust for power. They want the oil or the land or the gold. I just want to get a good night’s sleep once in a while.
See, I’m a worrier. In any situation, I mentally play out all potential developments in a frantic search for the worst possible outcome. Then I imagine the consequences of that outcome, the pain and suffering that will result, and the wailing of tormented humanity that will rise out of the earth and fill the skies. These things haunt my dreams and jolt me awake. I think it’s mostly the wailing.
Before you assume that I’ve lost my mind, let me explain the plan.
The most obvious challenge will be the actual takeover. At least, that’s what you’d think. But all I have to do is wait until everyone is distracted by some irresistibly alluring event, and then make my move. Such opportune moments could occur during a televised wedding that involves people riding on white horses, the break-up of any celebrity couple, the next trial of the century, or the death of anyone whose passing is deemed by the media to be “the end of an era.”
By the time the masses have emerged from their stupor, I will have assumed control. And not a moment too soon, because there is much work to be done.
Our first task is to make travel safer. We all exist at some point in space, and spend most of our lives trying to move to other points in space. We do this because we get bored looking at the same things, or because we want to confirm our own existence, or because there’s a town four hundred miles away that has factory outlets and no sales tax.
This need to move around creates trouble. It wasn’t always so, of course. Back when there were only a couple of thousand human beings in the whole world, people were thrilled to see each other, and would walk great distances just for the chance to wave hello to someone.
But our numbers have increased. There are an estimated 750 million vehicles on the world’s roads. I was in New Jersey a few weeks ago, and most of them seemed to be there, all converging on the same toll booth. Clearly, though, the problem is global. I don’t know who counted the vehicles, and even if the number is way off, there are still a lot of cars. Just go to the mall on a rainy Saturday afternoon and take a look.
The issue isn’t with the cars themselves. Most are marvels of science and technology that not only take us where we want to go, but also provide music, climate control, and heated seats. The problem is mainly the people who drive the cars. It seems that some of those people like crashing into things. Not everyone, but enough to make our daily excursions a nightmare waiting to happen.
You might argue that we could simply educate these bad drivers. No, we’ve already tried that. They have licenses, so they know how to drive. But they can’t keep their eyes on the road, because they have important text messages to send and cell phone calls to answer. Some are doing crossword puzzles while zipping across town. Others are polishing their fingernails, if you can believe it. So how can we guarantee everyone’s safety?
My solution is to remove all cars and trucks from the road and replace them with vehicles made entirely out of soft rubber. We’ve been driving for more than a century now, and it seems obvious that in a collision involving steel and internal organs, the steel always wins. But rubber vehicles would just bounce off each other. It would be like bumper cars, without all the overhead sparks. We’d still have to wear seat belts, because there will always be the unfortunate possibility of hurtling head-first through a sheet of glass. But the number of injuries and deaths could be reduced to near zero. The worst headline we’d see regarding highway traffic accidents would be something like this:
82-CAR PILE-UP ON ROUTE 6.
HUNDREDS FEARED JOSTLED.
Not only will rubber cars save lives, but we’ll also save billions of dollars in injury and property claims. As the need for the services now offered by insurance companies and lawyers gradually dwindles, many of those firms will be forced out of business. As a result, some of the very largest buildings and the most opulent offices in our cities will become vacant. In theory, we could use them to provide housing for the homeless, meet the demand for downtown parking, or create educational zones that would incorporate classrooms, libraries, science centers, and museums. I’m leaning more toward giant water slides and indoor hot-air balloons. I also think we’ll leave a few buildings empty, because we could all use a little more storage space.
Some of the money we save will be set aside to pay teachers better wages. Then maybe they won’t have to take night jobs waiting tables at a local restaurant. This will give them more energy for actual teaching, as well as save them the embarrassment of having to ask their own students if the chicken fingers are cooked okay, and if they’d like another root beer. Higher salaries would mean more of the best teachers could afford to stay in the profession, and only the top candidates would be hired for new openings. Eventually, our schools would be filled with young people who know how to spell and do long division, because they’d have teachers who know how to do those things.
These plans create new challenges, of course, and new questions to be answered. Should I maintain a headquarters on each continent? Do I still have to pay for office supplies, or does the ruler of the world get free stuff? Can we design buses and stretch limousines that meet the all-rubber requirements without bending in the middle?
I’ll need a team of advisers to help me work through the details. But first things first: A celebrity couple is breaking up. Opportunity knocks, and who knows? Maybe I’ll actually sleep tonight.
Something I forgot!
This post was inspired in part by an essay written by fellow blogger Iced Tea with Lemon. Her ideas are much more serious and thoughtful than mine, and would actually change things for the better.
Please read it!
heidit
May 11, 2011
I’d like to apply as your West Coast adviser. I have a few ideas for things that need working out. And I’m a big fan of waterslides, so that works out almost perfectly. Plus, I’m pretty loyal. I have no designs on the title of “Ruler of the World,” just on “Ruler’s Helper” (because this will leave me time to write a book). Let me know if you have any openings on your West Coast team. I can get a resume to you quickly.
Also, thanks for the laughs. Much needed.
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bronxboy55
May 12, 2011
Lucky for you it’s early and the West Coast is still asleep. I will need several assistants, but since you’re the first one here, I think you deserve the position of Senior Helper. My first task is to assemble every book publisher and newspaper and magazine editor who’s ever sent me a rejection slip. I want explanations. (This will be a monumental endeavor, by the way, so if you need to hire Junior Helpers, feel free.) Also, I want a Kindle, the one that comes with 3G. And please find someone who can tell me what 3G is.
Welcome aboard, Heidi. And there’s no need for a resume. I’m very familiar with your work.
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shoreacres
May 11, 2011
You’ve got your first problem. I decided to take over the world about two years ago. I haven’t worked out the kinks yet, but I’m still pretty enthusiastic.
On the other hand, we might be able to work a deal. My plan is for a sort of reeducation camp for the intelligentsia. There would be a five year cycle. Every fifth year, every professor, lawyer, politician, CEO, CFO, teacher, physician, publicity agent, lobbyist and etc. would spend one full year doing manual labor. Farming. Boat-building. Construction. Janitorial work. Clerking at the local convenience store. You get the picture.
I don’t know if one year out of five would be enough to ground some of these people in reality, but it couldn’t hurt. (Oh, I forgot. There’s a stipulation that they can’t be in charge of anything. That should keep broccoli in the stores and the window framing plumb.)
Not only that, they could drive rubber cars to work!
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bronxboy55
May 12, 2011
Linda, I love the idea of re-education camps. Doctors should also be required to spend at least two weeks in a hospital bed or wheelchair, and television and movie stars forced to live on minimum wage for a full year. I wasn’t really worried about broccoli, but if you are, we’ll stay on top of it. Key lime ice cream would be a more pressing issue for me. Are there any advisers you would recommend? It’s a big job and we’re going to need all the help we can get.
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Jac
May 11, 2011
I’m liking this rubber car idea, because driving on these unpaved, pot-hole covered roads where I live, will be like traveling in a trampoline. That would be so much fun and I wouldn’t mind all those trips to town. We wouldn’t have to worry about hitting animals, either, since it probably wouldn’t kill them if we did. We would save money on brakes. I imagine it would be a whole lot quieter, too. Then I could hear the voices in my head a lot better, so I can stop asking them to repeat themselves, which only gets them angry. Trust me, you don’t want to get them angry. No you don’t.
One of them just said that I should be second in command.
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bronxboy55
May 12, 2011
I was going to talk about paving the roads with memory foam, then thought about the effects of heavy rain and changed it to something like trampoline material; then I took it out altogether. The voice said you should be second in command? Did it mention anything about Alamo or chipotle sauce?
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Jac
May 12, 2011
The voice didn’t mention Alamo or chipotle, but it did refer to you as Macho Man. It also asked if it could make you a waffle, in a distinctive Latino accent.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
Mi amigo macho!
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Lenore Diane
May 11, 2011
I’d like to be on your advisory board, Charles. Pro Bono, of course. I feel the need to advise you of the fact that rubber cars could possibly create a bigger demand for oil, as rubber is made from petroleum, which is made from oil. On the bright side, rubber cars could mean more jobs, thereby reducing the risk of higher unemployment from the insurance corporations going out of business.
Wait. Hold the phone. Lindsay Lohan failed her drug test. I’ll get back to you next week.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
Lenore, the number of old tires in landfills could be recycled and used to produce eighty percent of the world’s vehicles for the next hundred years. And this isn’t some statistic I just made up out of my head. Okay, yes it is, but that’s one of the advantages of being in charge: you get to say things that aren’t true and nobody bothers to check.
Who cares about Lindsay Lohan? Arnold and Maria are splitting up. This could be our big chance.
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Lenore Diane
May 13, 2011
Charles! That is brilliance! If park benches, playground bases and trashcans can be made out of recycled tires – then surely cars can be made out of recycled tires, too! You are on to something, my friend. I’d certainly put this on the list of one of your Bright Ideas. For certain.
Ok. I’ll distract the world with snip-its regarding Arnold and Maria. I wonder if either one of them could cough up a birth certificate…
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carldagostino
May 11, 2011
Waaaaaaiiiit just a minute here young fellow. If you will examine my post 1/27/11 you will see I have prepared for 1212 and if I can stop Roosevelt I can stop you. You will “take over” nothing beyond your own household. I have memorized Machiavelli and studied Lenin so I am well prepared to meet you on the battlefield. I will also have my rightful place sir as emperor as I am of Roman descent and as my last name indicates, carry the blood line of Caesar’s adopted heir Octavian(Augustus Caesar). You will not steal my pizzazz.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
I am working on a plan to eliminate the very concept of war, so there will be no battlefields. However, if there’s a good deli nearby, we could meet there. I’m thinking you’d be perfect to take charge of Central America. You seem to have the right temperament (wacky, but in a focused way). What do you think?
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carldagostino
May 13, 2011
Buenos dias. Tengo un vobabulario de docientas palabras en Espanol de modo que deba pasarme. Dicen que Belice es como Miami Beach asi que hare mi base de operaciones alli. Re deli, I’ll have bagel, lox, cream cheese, lettuce, tomato(no onion) and large knish with touch of mustard. Coffee black. I agree with the no battlefield idea.
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Melinda
May 11, 2011
I gladly pass over the attempt to take over the world to you. I tried but I like COD too much and it was getting in the way of my prestigious goals and I have priorities. I want a rubber car. That sounds fun. I imagine turning corners in a limo would be like a fair ride. “feared jostled” cracked me up!!! I’m totally up to the task of having a cabinet position with just a title if you need me.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
I’m not sure what COD is. Cause of Death? Call of Duty? Collect on Delivery? Now I’m thinking of outlawing all acronyms; they cause too much confusion. Or maybe you accidentally hit the caps lock key and you were talking about your favorite kind of fish. (Now that I think about it, that seems unlikely, because if you took over the world you could have all the cod you wanted.)
The rubber cars will be fun. And of course they’ll be available in a wide range of colors: light gray, dark gray, black, grayish-black, light beige, dark beige, and cinnamon sunrise.
Everyone keeps saying children don’t come with a handbook. I think it’s time we had one. Would you consider writing it, complete with dinner recipes and stick-figure illustrations?
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Melinda
May 17, 2011
Lol it is Call of Duty but I would demand some cod for dinner. I can only write the how to mess up parenting book…the list of “don’t dos” complete with pictures.
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Snoring Dog Studio
May 11, 2011
I don’t need to be part of your administration, Charles, I just want to be a citizen in your world. But I confess that I thought up that rubber car idea before, your excellency, or whatever you want to be called. I couldn’t work out the problems, such as bouncing over an overpass – I mean, think of the whiplash! Can we consider something more like jello? So that there’d be no bouncing, just a gentle sinking in. But, I’m ready to be a loyal subject as long as you don’t ban pumpkin pie. Then there’d be a revolt.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
Now even I’m stealing your ideas.
Maybe the seats could be made of a jello-like substance. I wonder if NASA has anything lying around. On second thought, I’m planning to get rid of all those lousy motel room pillows. We could use those.
You know, SDS, the world will always want some kind of religion. Would you consider inventing a new one? Something that doesn’t involve holy wars?
And don’t worry about the pumpkin pie. It’s already revolting.
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Snoring Dog Studio
May 13, 2011
Ok, now there’s Light & Fit lemon yogurt on my keyboard. I’ll give you a few minutes to figure out how to rectify that problem.
I’ll work up an outline for that new religion today and get it to you by Monday. I assume you’ll also want a Powerpoint on it.
Please don’t bring your stolen motel room pillows into your new world. We can have a new world without bed bugs and lice, can’t we?
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
I didn’t even think of that when I said lousy motel room pillows. And take the weekend off; we’ll work on the religion next week.
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magsx2
May 12, 2011
Hi,
Some great ideas for a World Leader. I would like to apply now for the position of designing the water slide. We could actually have it going from one building to another, we might even be able to make it a kind of public transport. I have some good ideas for the slide.
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
Water slides as public transportation! That’s the best idea I’ve heard all week. It may be a slight problem in the winter, but we can tweak it. That reminds me, should we have a Department of Tweaking? In any case, you’re in charge of water slides. But you have to keep doing your blog, too.
http://magsx2.wordpress.com
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Allan Douglas
May 12, 2011
You’re such a bright and cheery fellow Charles! 🙂
Good luck with that take-over thing, but I think you missed your opportunity a week or so ago. Most everyone I know (cepn me) got out of bed at 4:00 AM to watch The Wedding. Perfect time for a move of megalomania.
I like the idea of rubber cars. Sponge rubber would be great – like driving a giant Twinkie.
And I heartily agree that the people responsible for educating the people who will run the world when we get old should be paid more than the night manager at the local Holiday Inn. There’s just something wrong with that.
Thanks for sharing!
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bronxboy55
May 13, 2011
Megalomania? Not me. If I’m going to rule the world and make decisions that will affect every minute detail of the lives of its seven billion inhabitants, I’ll do it with humility.
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arborfamiliae
May 12, 2011
Taking over the world is such hard work. I can’t imagine any leader of any organization of any size (especially the whole world!) who sleeps well at night. And I love my sleep.
I’ll leave the leading to others, but I think your post has a point. If we’d all share our ideas a little more, maybe we could build a better society. I’m not too sure about the rubber car idea, but I’ll bet you’ve got some other great ideas that you could share.
And if we’d all share our ideas, maybe we really could make this world a better place.
Or at least we could have fun laughing at each other’s ideas and the clever, amusing ways they’re presented.
Great job, as always, Charles!
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
It will be hard work, Kevin, but I think we’ll be able to solve a lot of the world’s problems. Also, I’m pretty sure I can use the travel expenses as a tax deduction.
I appreciate that you said my post has a point, and even more, that you located it for me. That saved me a great deal of time. Thank you.
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writerwoman61
May 12, 2011
Shall we call you “King Charles”? That has a nice ring to it…I humbly decline the position of advisor…I have a problem saying, “No.”
I love your ideas…I once saw a guy reading a book and driving a van at the same time (in downtown Saint John). Rubber cars sound like a great idea, especially in parking lots…no one’s car would get dented by some yahoo opening his door…
I’m not big on water slides…I’m more of a library and museum kind of girl…
I think you’ll need a headquarters on each continent…the world’s getting smaller, but flying is really expensive (will the planes be rubber too?).
Can’t wait for Part 2…
Wendy
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
I don’t feel comfortable with that title, Wendy. A lot of kings end up being decapitated, and that would just be another thing to worry about. (The guy reading a book while driving his van: by any chance was it a tan and white 1996 Ford Aerostar with a small dent in the left front fender?)
You’re right about the cost of air travel. You still get crummy food on the plane, but now you have to pay extra for it. We’ll have to fix that.
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writerwoman61
May 14, 2011
How about “Charles the Calm” then?
I think the van was navy blue…
I fly WestJet whenever possible…Air Canada is not my favourite airline!
Wendy
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mirroredImages
May 12, 2011
If we drive around in rubber cars, that would solve another problem: No need for pencil erasers!
I don’t think ruling the world would be all that grand, actually. There would be times where people wouldn’t do what you want them to do; do you then kill them? Does diplomacy still apply when you’re the dictator of all? What about assassination attempts — I suppose a rubber limo might also have some bulletproof aspects about it. And if all of us are harvesting rubber to make cars and bulletproof presidential convoys, there will undoubtedly be a shortage on rubber, leading to rubber hijacking, rubber terrorists, rubber environmentalists who chain themselves to rubber trees and demand we find alternative sources for our rubber. You see, problems never really go away, they just change shape.
But, all this to say: funny post. You’re kind of a goof.
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
Thank you for your input, Julia. As always, the need for raw materials has the potential for causing great strife, inciting violence, and tipping the balance of power. However, as I explained earlier, the world has a large store of old tires that can be recycled and used in the manufacture of vehicles. In addition, scientists have long known that the Moon’s surface is sixty percent rubber, which can be easily harvested and brought back to Earth. (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chyNmqR7kzE).
“Tipping the balance of power” is an important phrase that world leaders say a lot. I hope you’ll agree to be my speechwriter, and if so, please be sure to put the balance of power thing into all of my public statements. It’s important that I sound as though I know something.
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Earth Ocean Sky Redux
May 12, 2011
I will gladly set up your Caribbean Headquarter(s). Barbados, the primary site, with annexes in Anguilla, St. Barths, Tortola, and Virgin Gorda. I will only be available from January through April. You can count on me to keep on top of your subjects there and make sure they get a healthy amount of sun, that they drink the RIGHT rum, and they send you quality chatskis to adorn your throne.
Slight glitch: the rubber cars will most definitely melt in the hot Caribbean sun and the smell will ruin MY day.
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
Your availability is perfect, EOS, as it will allow us to avoid hurricane season in the Caribbean. Melting cars will also not be a problem, as I already have people working on a heat-resistant spray. However, initial tests indicate the spray will deplete the ozone layer in less than five days, which I’m sure will have some environmentalists up in arms. We may have to impose an ozone tax. Then later, we can come out with a new spray that has the word green in the name, charge twice as much, and funnel part of the profits into a slush fund to support a group of rebels somewhere. We can also get you some nice drapes for your office in Barbados.
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Earth Ocean Sky Redux
May 15, 2011
You do know that AA is vacationing right this minute on St. John. Now, here’s your chance to put to the test your heat resistant spray. Text her and suggest she give up “wasting time” sunbathing and relaxing, and get to helping, you, The Ruler of The World. Can’t you fine her or imprison her in a rubber jail if she doesn’t comply?
PS: I suggest you call the heat-resistant spray Green Death. It’ll sell, because, as you so rightly pointed out, anything with the word green in it flies off the shelves to the idiots who fall for such inane marketing. I’ll take 51%, please. I love slush funds.
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bronxboy55
May 16, 2011
I was thinking of imprisoning AA just for being in St. John. Didn’t she just come back from Mexico? Did she even bother to unpack? Next thing you know, she’ll be asking to be appointed Ambassador to Bermuda.
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Amiable Amiable
June 27, 2011
Imprisonment? In a rubber cell? Ha! I’d bounce right outta there! Ambassador to Bermuda? Too late. I already asked the powers that be in St. John if they could appoint me as their ambassador and they said the job was mine. If the powers that be were standing on a corner drinking Red Stripes, do you suppose I might have asked the wrong people? Oh, never mind! As you have deemed yourself the Ruler of the World, I deem myself One Big Happy St. John Ambassador.
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bronxboy55
July 2, 2011
Sorry, AA, but you’ll be stationed in the DC area for the foreseeable future. On the bright side, I think the National Aquarium has sea turtles.
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Amiable Amiable
July 10, 2011
Dang! Well, if I can’t be the One Big Happy St. John Ambassador, I would like to request that I’m stationed at the fountain in front of the Library of Congress, where water spews from the mouths of sea turtle sculptures. Thanks for reminding me about the National Aquarium … perhaps there’s a job for me there cleaning the tanks for the sea turtles!
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She's a Maineiac
May 12, 2011
Oh I laughed so hard reading this post. Thank you! I’ve been to that Jersey toll, I’ve seen the multitude of cars and yes, something needs to be done. Once you rule the world, I’ll be happy to become the head of the Maine Chapter. There was a woman here who was actually driving her car AND watching The Gilmore Girls on her DVD player in the front seat. Now that is multitasking.
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
I’m not sure yet if Maine will continue to exist in its present form. I’ve always believed that if the larger states were divided up into smaller pieces, it would make road trips seem shorter. This would reduce highway fatigue and we’d have fewer people watching television while driving. We’d also have fewer people looking to see what other drivers are watching. (You could really tell it was The Gilmore Girls?)
I’ll get back to you on that idea of subdividing the state. You may have to change the name of your blog to She’s a Southmaineiac. But I think you’ll agree that it’s a small price to pay.
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She's a Maineiac
May 14, 2011
Consider it done, Charles in Charge! I will do whatever it takes. (And in my defense, I’m not that good at multitasking…this woman made the headlines here in Maine because she was in an accident and she told the officer she was watching The Gilmore Girls, like maybe that would make it okay.)
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Allison
May 12, 2011
Hilarious, as usual! I have been waiting for this one! Before I give you my support, though, I need to know what your plan is for people who leave their empty shopping carts in the line of the check-out counter (forcing the people behind them in line to move it or remain stuck behind it) or right in front of the doors where people exit? Can I be in charge of throwing them into the Pit of Despair (which I hope will be introduced in Part 2)? Also, can you please tell shoreacres that I as a kindergarten teacher, have cleaned up more human excretion than I ever thought possible, and if that isn’t going to keep a person grounded, I don’t know what is!
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
Shopping carts will be eliminated, along with speed bumps, rumble strips, and orange traffic cones — anything that doesn’t roll smoothly or causes jittery nerves for no good reason will be gone within a month. All groceries will be home-delivered using a sophisticated, space-age computerized inventory system, just like the ones we’ve been hearing about for the past fifty years in science magazines and on the Discovery Channel. However, the annoying people who would have left their carts behind will continue to do inconsiderate things, and will have to be dealt with in some manner. I’m working on a variation of the Pit of Despair and will be consulting with you and Tyler about this in the near future.
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Marie M
May 13, 2011
Loved the post AND everyone’s contributions to the Takeover Plan! Thanks to all. I both loved and cringed at the last cartoon–OUCH!
Your Eccentricity, would you be able to add, oh, four or so hours of leisure time to each day? A lot of people I know could really use it–maybe even you–it’s a great amount of time for a nap.
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bronxboy55
May 14, 2011
We can do better than four hours, Marie. I’ll explain in the next post.
I agree with you about the comments. And that cartoon is based on a real experience I had; our waiter was the social studies teacher of someone else at the table. It was a weird feeling.
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souldipper
May 13, 2011
Phew! Thank goodness. Finally I found a world leader who sounds like he will listen to my idea. I want to set up all the empty foyers in cities at night as a place for homeless to sleep. They could set up their mats from 6 pm to 6 am. The foyers will have automatic cleaning systems that come on at 6:15 a.m. so when stressed executives arrive at 6:30 a.m., the foyers will be spotless and fresh.
And please start taxing corporations on a percentage basis. Any who do not offer their foyer to the homeless have to pay an extra percentage of taxes.
Tax accountants could be redirected into helping service organizations. They could be trained in the new university set up that your Senior Helper suggests.
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bronxboy55
May 15, 2011
It’s hard to come up with too many arguments against this idea, Amy. Let’s call it Lobbies for the Homeless. These buildings are usually in the heart of the downtown area, where many homeless people seem to be. The business districts are shut down at night, so these heated and sheltered spaces are unoccupied. Some of the individuals could even be hired — and paid — to keep the lobbies clean. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. Thank you for a great suggestion.
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icedteawithlemon
May 13, 2011
Good luck with your takeover plans! I especially like your ideas about paying teachers more (and thereby recruiting and keeping the very best). And thank you for the pingback–I am honored to receive a mention in a blog as thought-provoking and delightful as yours always proves to be.
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bronxboy55
May 15, 2011
Thanks, Karen. I’m glad you didn’t take that paragraph about teachers the wrong way.
I still don’t understand what a pingback is, but I guess it’s something good, so you’re welcome.
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dearrosie
May 13, 2011
As expected from “King Charles’ blog” (I love the title WriterWoman gave you) I thoroughly enjoyed the read AND then had even more of a laugh reading the responses. You’ve attracted such a great group of readers BB that I must also compliment you on your people, which as we all know is tres important for a leader, and especially one who wrote about rubber cars, but somehow ended up promoting broccoli.
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bronxboy55
May 15, 2011
I think the comments are usually more entertaining and insightful than the posts, and are a big reason I enjoy blogging so much. And then I get to read what others are writing on their blogs, which gives me a chance to join the discussions they’ve started. That certainly goes for Wondering Rose.
But just for the record, I’ve never promoted broccoli.
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Priya
May 14, 2011
I agree with Rosie that your readers are a marvellous set of people. That covers the point of getting unstinting support. You must go ahead and take over. No need to hurry though. Take your time honing all the ideas and implementing them with utmost surety — separations, assassinations, and celebrity weddings will continue to keep the distraction levels high. One opportunity may be lost, but others will not be far behind.
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bronxboy55
May 15, 2011
I love this quote, attributed to Lao-Tzu. Have you seen it?
“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him. But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves.”
I think that’s the secret — to create the right environment for good things to happen. It’s possible, isn’t it?
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Earth Ocean Sky Redux
May 15, 2011
My sister, a librarian, is working on a project to read, summarize, and catalog, the writings of philosopher and writer John Ruskin. I was embarrassed to tell her I had never heard of him so she sent me some of his quotes, one of which fits perfectly here:
The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something and tell what it saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion, all in one.
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Priya
May 16, 2011
No, I hadn’t seen it. But that doesn’t stop it from being possible now, does it, Charles?
I must confess I hadn’t heard of John Ruskin either, EOS. Thanks for the initiation; and with my favourite belief, too — “To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion, all in one.”
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Jessica Sieghart
May 14, 2011
If you’re going to do away with insurance companies, then I will need an alternate career. Before I get on board with this new world, I’ll need some sort of permanent job contract. My second request: no more babies can be named Jessica. I grew up being the only Jessica around and always knew if people were talking about me. Now, a huge percentage of the population shares my name and my neck is getting strained from turning around so much.
Can the rubber cars bounce? Not off each other, but actually bounce to one’s desired location like, let’s say, Cheech and Chong’s van hyped up on super balls? I think the motion would be calming, thereby eliminating the whole road rage thing, too. Since you’re taking over, you might as well go all out. I’m just saying 😉
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bronxboy55
May 15, 2011
We could implement a cap, but it may be too late. I just checked on the most popular names for baby girls in 2010 and Jessica isn’t even in the top 100. About the alternate career, I was going to ask if you’d consider writing a worldwide column each week. With an audience that large, the pay would be substantial, and you’d be able to afford massage therapy for your neck.
Bouncing cars. It sounds good. We’d also have to develop some kind of built-in treatment for motion sickness, I would think.
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Diane Henders
May 16, 2011
May I apply for the position of Canadian Minion? And when you take over, could you please abolish the concept of salaries? Instead, we could have a place where everybody could sign up on the “Things I Feel Like Doing This Week” list. You do something, you get something done for you. No money changes hands.
That way, the kids would be taught by teachers who really feel like teaching, you could get your house built by somebody who really likes building houses, and we could eat vegetables grown by somebody who really cares about fresh, healthy food. We’d have to take turns doing the crappy stuff that nobody wants to do, like cleaning toilets and serving fast food, but I think that would make us all a little more considerate. 🙂
We might run into problems finding people who feel like doing whatever astrophysicists do, but I’m pretty sure they feel like doing what they’re doing most of the time anyway… right?
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bronxboy55
May 16, 2011
Minion. Now there’s a word that never occurred to me. It sounds as though you’re describing something like a commune. I like it in theory, the idea of doing away with salaries. But won’t some people always be in more demand for their superior skills, dedication, or reliability? And won’t they therefore command more payment, whether it’s cash or service? Still, it would be an interesting experiment, and if we could all learn to be more considerate (and humble), that would be a refreshing change. Let’s give it a try.
I plan to have a team of astrophysicists design a system to protect the Earth from incoming asteroids. One of those things shows up unexpectedly and it would mess up everything. And that reminds me, Pluto will be classified as a planet again.
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Diane Henders
May 17, 2011
Yay, Pluto! I knew you’d be a benevolent ruler!
And I hate to say it, but the “Things I Feel Like Doing This Week” list was really just a self-interested way for me to get to do what I want to instead of what I have to.
Problem is, I’m pretty sure that “write you a story” wouldn’t get picked very often by other people. Which would leave me still doing the things I have to do, only without any money. Maybe I don’t want that after all. I’ll still be your minion, though. (Minions are less cool than advisers, but they get to carry out other people’s plans without taking any responsibility. Your ideas are better than mine.)
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bronxboy55
May 18, 2011
I don’t know, Diane. Storytellers have always been in demand, and I think you’d do very well. I also disagree that my ideas are better than yours. You seem to have great skill at enhancing ideas, too.
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Val
May 17, 2011
Ah! That’s what was wrong with London’s Bendy Buses – they weren’t made of rubber!
I like your plan… as a fellow worrier, I’m with you on all of this!
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bronxboy55
May 18, 2011
I hadn’t heard about the bendy buses, Val. I’d hate to find myself driving one of those, especially around corners.
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Damyanti
May 20, 2011
Charles, I’m pretty sure I’d rather live in a world where you’re in charge rather than whoever is in charge now :). Looks like no one is really in charge at the moment!
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bronxboy55
May 21, 2011
Everyone usually loves the new leader for the first week or two. We’ll see how you feel after that. But thanks for the vote of confidence.
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Amiable Amiable
June 27, 2011
I’m pretty sure that pencil erasers are made of rubber. I’d like to suggest using pencil eraser rubber for the cars, then, if by chance there were an accident and a scratch, the scratch could be erased. Ah, nah. This idea is a little “sketchy.” (I’m baaaaaaaack!)
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bronxboy55
June 28, 2011
You’re back, all right, and not a moment too soon. As the Queen of Wordplay, you will of course have your own palace.
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enigma
October 16, 2011
Hahaha funny post.
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