Grown-ups say a lot of things to children. Mostly they make decisions, give orders, and plead for their sanity with statements like, “Not now” and “Put that down!” and “Will you please be quiet? I can’t hear myself think!” Such clear interaction allows the child to grasp the intended meaning quickly and move on to the next activity. But sometimes a grown-up will say something that causes a young person to waste a tremendous amount of time trying to make sense out of what he heard. And sometimes what the child heard is completely baffling.
I don’t remember being irritable or difficult when I was a little boy. But my memory may be faulty, because for some reason my mother had a habit of asking me, “Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Now most kids probably understood what that expression implied. I wasn’t one of them. The question paralyzed me. No one had ever explained that there was a wrong side. Or if they did, I missed the explanation entirely, perhaps lost in thought about what Fred and Wilma Flintstone were going to name their new baby. Adding to the confusion was the fact that my bed was against the wall. There was only one side where I could have gotten up. But logical thinking was not my friend in those days, and so I spent months — maybe years — wondering which step in my morning routine was causing the problem. Even now, if someone asks me if I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I feel compelled to answer, and not with complete certainty: “No. I don’t think so.”
Some things grown-ups say, of course, are meant to be unclear. “Maybe” means “No,” but is leavened with a trace of hope, softening the blow for the child and providing the adult with a way to look temporarily reasonable. If I asked for a new toy or twenty-five cents for a comic book, my parents would often respond with that universal and maddening reply, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Again, the meaning was no doubt obvious to most kids, but for me they might as well have answered, “A comet is made of ice and dirt.” Or, “Giraffes almost never wear socks.” Then again, if their intent was to throw me off track long enough to forget about the desired item, it always worked.
Refuge, for me, was a trip up to the third floor, where my grandmother lived. I don’t know if she was capable of harsh words. In her native Italian she may have been the most sarcastic person who ever lived, but I never sensed that tone in her voice or felt the sting of a careless reply. Her broken English made her sound as though she were struggling to say exactly what she meant, and almost always, what she meant to say seemed to be patient and kind, and what I needed to hear.
My father admonished me to “never answer a question with a question.” So if he asked, “Did you tie your brother to the radiator?” and I said, “Why do you want to know?” he would get pretty annoyed. Yet, if I asked him something, like “Can we go to Yankee Stadium this summer?” he might say, “What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?” Such a question, he knew, would keep me quiet for hours as I pondered this mysterious place on the other side of the world where people were apparently debating with themselves about whether to buy some tea or go to the ballgame.
Tears were often met with this ambiguous warning from my mother: “Keep crying. I’ll give you something to cry about.” My immediate thought was that I already had something to cry about. Did she mean something new that I could save and use at a later time? It almost seemed like an attractive offer.
When I did something especially annoying, she would say, “Do you want to get your head handed to you?” This was another remark that worked wonders on my behavior because I would launch into an imaginary scene in which I was standing, headless, in my room. There would be a knock at the door and my mother would come in, return my head to me, and leave. Always she would first place my head onto the bed, then position my hands, palms up and close together. She would have to do this because my body had no head and couldn’t see what was happening, and of course wouldn’t know to hold out its hands, or where. The scene always ended that way. I guess I couldn’t imagine what was to be done next. What do you do right after someone has handed you your head? I’ve never been able to figure it out, and have pretty much stopped trying.
There were a lot of occasions when I was just mildly irritating. If my mother was busy with something, like pouring melted wax on top of the homemade grape jelly she’d just put into jars, and I wandered in and asked her for the thirty-seventh time what the wax was for, she’d have a line ready. Usually, it was, “Stay out of my hair!” Once again, and I don’t know this for sure, but I suspect my parents had learned that these comments were guaranteed to stop me dead in my tracks. What I’d said or done had nothing at all to do with my mother’s hair. I couldn’t have reached her hair if I wanted to.
At other times she’d tell me to “stop being a pill.” Hearing this familiar phrase, I’d always picture myself as a giant aspirin tablet with legs, seated on the couch and trying hopelessly to stay out of trouble. Or she’d resort to “Go see where you gotta go,” a New York expression that dismisses the other person without really saying anything. Nevertheless, I’d take it literally and leave, because I knew where I had to go. I’d climb the stairs and knock on my grandmother’s door. She’d smile when she saw it was me, and gesture for me to come in. As we headed for the kitchen I’d explain to her that my mother was mad because I was in her hair, or because I was being a pill, or because I got up on the wrong side of the bed again. And my grandmother would nod, thinking carefully about what I was saying, though probably not understanding a word of it. Then she’d tell me to sit down, and in that patiently kind, broken English of hers, she’d ask me if I wanted some ice cream, and if I’d like to stay awhile and watch television with her. And that, of course, was exactly what I needed to hear.
For a great selection of reproducible cartoons, visit Ron Leishman’s website.
Lenore Diane
April 15, 2011
Charles, I had to put my coffee down several times, for fear I would spill it due to laughter. Though I may not have stopped and pondered the questions/statements my parents uttered to me, they uttered many you included here. I found myself laughing, because I could relate as a child. Then I found myself laughing because I was that parent! Nooooo!
And my husband’s Mom – aka Grandma. No Italian accent, just a very Southern accent. But ice cream? Grandma = ice cream, according to our boys.
RL may provide cartoon characters, but your words bring the characters to life. I loved this! (And, I’d love to get several of your cartoon creations – like the grandma with ice cream.)
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
For me, Grandma meant both ice cream and acceptance, and I probably would have been willing to give up the ice cream. The woman in that last cartoon actually looks like my grandmother. I’d be glad to send it to you. I don’t know if I have your email address, but here’s mine:
mail@mostlybrightideas.com
LikeLike
You Get Well Soon
June 7, 2011
My Grandma was like that too – but with all things sweet. She was almost always kind and nearly never lost her cool with me. I miss her. And I miss that kind of acceptance. Thanks for the blog and the reply.
LikeLike
Manjeet Jindal
June 9, 2011
awesome post……..
Seems like alot of us have the same kind of up bringing…
Brilliant work
LikeLike
carldagostino
April 15, 2011
Your parents must have known my parents. Quite possible. We were on Staten Island. If you are Italian than you know about the big wooden salad spoon. The thing never touched a leaf of lettuce. They were made for the exclusive purpose of hitting children. My mother had one surgically attached to her hand. “You’re gonna get the spoon!”
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
I remember the spoon, Carl, and pretending that it hurt more than it did so they wouldn’t go looking for something more effective.
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 15, 2011
Clearly, you are no longer expression-challenged. I was not a very black-and-white kid, so even if I didn’t quite understand a certain expression, I knew it wasn’t to be taken literally. My son has trouble with this. Just a few days ago, I realized he was interpreting “take the first pitch” as “swing” rather than “don’t swing.” The coach never picked up on it and was probably wondering why he was ignoring his instructions. My son obviously thought he understood what the coach meant and didn’t even think to question it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
Your son’s problem with batting instructions reminded me of another thing that confused me for a while. When I was very young my father tried to teach me that in baseball, when the runner and the ball arrive at a base at exactly the same time, the “tie goes to the runner.” In other words, the ball has to clearly win the race to the bag, and if not, the runner is safe. But my brain heard the word “tie” and pictured a necktie. I can remember hearing my father yell, while watching a game, “Safe! Tie goes to the runner!” and waiting for someone to come out of the dugout and put a tie on the runner.
The mistake with “take the first pitch” is a little more understandable, don’t you think? In basketball, “take a shot” means to try for a basket.
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 16, 2011
I totally agree. It was an easy mistake to make. Your necktie anecdote was hysterical. You were such an adorable, clueless little kid. Have you ever thought of collaborating with an artist to do a comic for the newspaper?
LikeLike
She's a Maineiac
April 15, 2011
Hysterical post! I’ve actually heard the words, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” come out of my own mouth quite a few times (granted, I’m usually directing it at my husband, but that’s another story…) I like “Go see where you gotta go” I’ll have to try that one on my kids. My dad grew up in Brooklyn but I don’t remember that phrase. My parents used to say “Go light someplace already!” so once my brother ran back in with a lightbulb over his head. I don’t think they were amused. Or my mom would yell, “You kids better stop raising cane!” and I’d think, “But I don’t even own a cane and why would I raise it??”
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
I was confused by the raising cane saying, too. In fact, I don’t think I could explain it now. “Go light someplace already” sounds like another one of those things parents say as a gentler substitute for what they’re really thinking. Sometimes whatever comes out of the mouth is preferable to what’s going on inside the head.
LikeLike
kayjayaitch
June 8, 2011
To take that one stage further, a lot of what is going on in the head of a parent should never be expressed to the kid! As Oscar Wilde once wrote, “I’m not young enough to know everything” They’re going to forget it all soon enough anyway.
LikeLike
Marie M
April 17, 2011
Hmmm. I thought it was “Cain.” For a variety of explanations, read what The Word Detective and commenters have to say:
http://www.word-detective.com/2008/12/18/raising-cain/
Thanks for the post and the comments. Hope I can be a grandma like yours someday.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 18, 2011
That it’s “raising Cain” and not “raising cane” is one of those things I have to learn and re-learn repeatedly. Give me a month or two, and I’ll be right back to raising cane.
You’ll be a wonderful grandma someday. I have no doubt about that.
LikeLike
Diane Henders
April 15, 2011
The “I’ll give you something to cry about” threat never made sense to me as a kid either. In retrospect, it still doesn’t. Take a kid who’s already crying, and add fear-fuelled snivelling. Why?
But ice cream fixes everything. And the best part about being an adult is that now you get to fill the bowl yourself.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
You get to fill the bowl yourself, and in my case you get to put it in the microwave for ten seconds to give the ice cream a thin, melty coating. Everyone thinks I’m weird for doing this, so I’m searching for others who do it, too. So far, I haven’t found anyone.
Thanks for the comment, Diane. I just read your most recent post and think your blog is going to attract a lot of attention.
http://dianehenders.wordpress.com/
LikeLike
Diane Henders
April 16, 2011
Thanks, Charles! I really appreciate the mention, and your visit to my blog. 🙂
I don’t find the microwave thing weird at all. Back in the days before microwaves, we used to cup the bowl in our hands and stir like crazy until the hard ice cream got all nice and soft. Or better still, pour freshly-made hot chocolate pudding over top of the ice cream. Now there’s a nice melty coating…
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 17, 2011
Hot pudding over ice cream! My life just got brighter. Why don’t the cookbooks tell us this stuff?
LikeLike
janeykylescott
June 7, 2011
My dear grandpa alway popped his icecream into the warm oven while we ate the main course. I think it was more to do with sensitive teeth rather than texture though I never got to ask him.
LikeLike
heidit
April 15, 2011
Another fantastic (and hilarious) post, Charles. I think what’s so funny is that I was a lot like you. I think some children are very literal in how they take things, and I was a lot like that. At one point I asked my mom about the national anthem and her response was something along the lines of “oh it goes on forever.” My brain couldn’t handle that. If it went on forever, when did the games after the anthem start? Who would bother singing a song that was so long? Why would you put it in front of a sporting event? Was there some way to abbreviate the anthem, so it didn’t go on forever and we could get to the game playing? It haunted me for a long time. Until I finally realized she didn’t mean it metaphorically (but by then, I was much older).
Sometimes, I don’t think parents realize how literally their children take them. Until it’s too late and they’re grown up and realize they have completely messed up versions of how the world works. All because someone once said, “Do you think money grows on trees?”
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
I wonder if everyone has that little collection of secrets, things they didn’t figure out until well into adulthood — similar to song lyrics that we’ve been hearing wrong for years.
LikeLike
childofmodernjubilee
June 7, 2011
I VERY recently saw an idiom written down for the first time, thus learning that the phrase “trying to make ends meet” is not “make end’s meat,” which I previously thought was a very obscure, expensive, piece of pork or something that only people with sufficient funds could buy and figure out how to prepare for their family. The image of a piece of rope or twine with length enough for someone to successfully tie the ends together makes more sense, but in my opinion, not by a lot.
LikeLike
theamberlight
June 9, 2011
Oh me!!!!! I thought that the phrase “Intents and purposes” was “intenstive purposes” which not only works as a substitute, but I have heard people use both as an adult. I was 38 before my husband heard me say it and understood what I was saying. “Straighten up and fly right” was one of my Mamaw’s favorite phrases when I was getting out of line. I always imagined my self as a bird or plane out of control and having to get my self straightened up before I crashed into something (the something most likely would have been the fly-swatter meeting my bum). 🙂 Great post, and yes somethings I misunderstood and figured out as an adult I have already forgotten, but I will always find ways to use intensive purposes in my life for sure!!! And I had a WONDERFUL Mamaw too. I used to get to leave home and staty with her for two whole months every summer….I so loved it! I think we all have a collection of misunderstandings, some we may take to the grave I am sure! Enjoy your weekend!
LikeLike
Betty Londergan
April 15, 2011
Once again, you made my day with your ability to take me right back to my OWN childhood … although yours always sounds so much more entertaining than mine. One of my favorite mom-threats I somehow picked up along the way was: “Stop that right now or I’ll knock you into next week!” Imagine your poor Italian grandma trying to decipher that one! Great post, BB!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
The same threats are still used today. The difference is, when we were kids our parents actually backed up the words with action. I doubt our kids will be able to remember our empty threats. And that’s too bad.
Thanks, Betty. I’m glad things went well in Guatemala. Please get home safely from California.
LikeLike
notesfromrumbleycottage
April 15, 2011
Loving grandmas are the best when they come with ice cream.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
Especially ice cream in the middle of the afternoon.
LikeLike
souldipper
April 15, 2011
Oh,boy, how I identify. I could not understand why people said Mrs. Johnson had a big nose. It looked exactly the same size as my mother’s. When I remembered, I would hold my nose to stop it from growing so no one could ever say that about me.
Then there was a sweet, but strange old bachelor named Tim. People would say, “Old Tim is shell shocked. That’s why he is a bit strange.” Shell shocked? From eggs? Didn’t he know not to eat the shells? When I asked about this, I was told that it meant that he could not tolerate loud noises. Ah, I surmised! That was the reason “people walk on egg shells around him”. But I wasn’t sure why that shocked him.
I was constantly blasted for asking so many questions.
Is it any wonder that the Internet feels like my saviour?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
Admit it, Amy: questions are much more fun than answers — and we’ll never run out of them.
Your comment reminded me of yet another remark that puzzled me. When I was little people would say, “Oh, you have your father’s ears” or “You have your mother’s eyes.” I could never figure out how that was possible.
LikeLike
Terrance H.
April 15, 2011
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time my parents dismissed my nagging with a pithy line, I’d have three nickels, I think. Usually, they weren’t that kind!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
There were five kids in our family, Terrance. I think my parents simply didn’t have time for creative responses or drawn-out discussions.
LikeLike
Jac
April 15, 2011
I don’t know if it’s a good sign or bad, that I don’t use ANY of those phrases that we heard growing up, on my kids. Of course, I came up with a few of my own like “what do you WANT from my life?”, which naturally, they never answer (especially with a question). I was always so amused by dad’s phrases, which he would say wrong on purpose, like ” take a short walk on a long pier.” I guess I wasn’t such a pondering soul like you were, to stop and think about what any of those expressions meant. I knew 99% of the time they meant “leave me alone.” So I would comply. I’m glad that you had Grandma as a refuge. I guess I had Michael, and we would go off and put ants into spider webs, and watch the 8-leggeds come out and eat. I think once I heard an ant say “go see where you gotta go” but I was too busy going to “see what’s what.”
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 16, 2011
That made me snort. After reading the recent post on reincarnation, I’m thinking that ant might have been a relative who came back.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
I sometimes wonder if Joe and John heard more well-developed responses, and by the time our parents got to us, they were resorting to shorthand speech.
LikeLike
Priya
April 15, 2011
I wouldn’t have understood any of these either, if I were you. And would have flummoxed them with expressions of my own — if they used any of these — and promptly gone to the third floor. Ice-creams are the best thing ever!
LikeLike
Priya
April 15, 2011
I was reminiscing about the expressions I used as a child — not to flummox, but just like that. One was “There’s a joker dancing inside my nose.” It meant that the nose was itching with the first signs of a common cold. By its second or third use, everyone in the family even knew what the joker looked like.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
I wish I’d thought of that, Priya. Making up my own expressions would have kept my parents off balance.
What did the joker look like?
LikeLike
Priya
April 17, 2011
Oh? I’ve forgotten now. Is that alright?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 18, 2011
It’s okay. I think I know.
LikeLike
Jac
April 15, 2011
“The third floor?? It’s scary up there!” – Kevin McAllister, Home Alone
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
“Don’t be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.”
LikeLike
Allison
April 17, 2011
“I don’t want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him – he wets the bed. He’ll pee all over me.”
LikeLike
Jac
April 16, 2011
Margaret, I think the comic strip is a brilliant idea!! “The clueless kid” Charles used to draw comics in high school. It can be all about how little Charlie interprets the common sayings of adults. I see a winner here!
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 16, 2011
I do, too. Get to it, Charles. Because, surely, you don’t have enough to do. 😉
LikeLike
Jac
April 16, 2011
I neglected to put a period at the end of “The clueless kid”! It was meant to be the title of the comic strip, NOT a description of Charles. Mea culpa!!
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 16, 2011
I’m glad you clarified that. I took it as the teasing of a sister.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 16, 2011
Hey, who’s this clueless person you two keep talking about?
LikeLike
Margaret Reyes Dempsey
April 16, 2011
Some kid in a future comic strip. 😉
LikeLike
dearrosie
April 16, 2011
Loved the post, and enjoyed all the comments.
I too was brought up with expressions that never made sense – e.g. “you’ll get a swollen head”. I didnt understand what that had to do with anything.
Cannot imagine putting ice cream in a microwave.
You are lucky to have a granny who gave you ice cream. My granny never gave us anything. We HAD to kiss her hello and goodbye. I hated that more than anything, because I didn’t like her and didn’t see why I had to kiss someone I didn’t like…
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 17, 2011
There was a lot more kissing back then, Rosie. It used to take twenty minutes for people to leave because everybody had to kiss everybody, and by the time it was all over, a few people couldn’t remember if they’d kissed someone and the whole thing would start up again. I’m pretty sure that’s when I learned how to roll my eyes.
Sorry to hear you didn’t like your granny. I hope somebody gave you ice cream.
LikeLike
Bill(y)
April 16, 2011
Unfortunately I do remember being irritable and/or difficult when I was little. Probably due to being a Night Owl in a Morning Owl’s world.
The invariable question of “Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” baffled me as well, as I thought it a moot point, my bed being against the wall on one side.
Maybe I had it turned around the wrong way so was doomed to always wake up on the wrong side. A violation of some kind of suburban Feng Shui.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 17, 2011
I wonder if we were ever having that thought at the very same time, just a couple of hundred feet apart.
Thanks, for the comment, Bill. I like “a Night Owl in a Morning Owl’s world” and “suburban Feng Shui.”
LikeLike
Bill(y)
April 17, 2011
Thanks Charlie. My my internal grammar/spell-check/phrase editor wasn’t functioning at the time.
The metaphor works better as “a Night Owl in an Early-bird’s world”.
But who wants worms anyway…..
LikeLike
Allison
April 17, 2011
I’m impressed that you somehow refrained from using any of these confusing expressions on me when I was growing up. The one thing I can remember you frequently saying was, “Al, be a good driver”. It must have killed you a little inside that I failed the test twice. Come to Asia and you’ll think my driving is superb.
Fantastic post as usual! Your grandmother sounds like a person everyone should have in their life. There is nothing better than having a kind person to turn to who always knows the right thing to say. There is also something wonderful about having someone with whom no words are needed. I always loved going to sit with Grandma on her big blue couch. Even if we weren’t talking, there was something very comforting about sitting close to her while she was knitting or watching TV. She always let me sit for a little while and then she’d send me off to go play in the back room with the other kids. That was probably her way of getting me “out of her hair”!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 17, 2011
I told you to be a good driver every time we were out in the car together and I encountered someone who seemed to not be a good driver (in other words, pretty much every time we were in the car together).
We both lost our grandmothers much too soon, but I’m glad we have some good memories of them.
LikeLike
writerwoman61
April 17, 2011
When we were getting on our parents’ nerves, they used to tell us to “Go out and run around the house!” which we did! When I try to repeat that with my kids, they look at me like I’ve lost my mind!
Thanks for the memories, Charles!
Wendy
P.S. We didn’t have the wooden salad spoon at our house…it was “the yardstick” which the mere mention of would cause the offensive behaviour to stop immediately!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 17, 2011
“Go out and run around the house!” Yeah, that won’t work anymore. We had the yardstick at school. I remember the nun swatting one of the boys with it; the yardstick broke into pieces, which just made her madder. Those were the days.
LikeLike
Jessica Sieghart
April 17, 2011
I wasn’t so literal as a kid. When my mom said she would wipe the smile off my face, the meaning was pretty clear to me 🙂 There was one phrase, though, that had me thinking a bit literally…”Were you born in a barn?” I knew I was supposed to interpret that negatively, but it seemed odd to me that every Sunday we would go to Church and learn more about someone who really was born in a barn and by no means were those lessons negative in meaning. I’ve often wondered about the origin of that phrase and when I look it up it refers to leaving doors open. Why would anyone leave barn doors open? Wouldn’t the animals walk away? I have to stop thinking so much.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 18, 2011
I had similar problems with that saying. Usually it was my mother asking the question, and it started me wondering why she didn’t know where I was born.
When you figure out how to stop thinking so much, please let me know. But I’m not holding my breath. (Yet another confusing expression. What good would it do to hold your breath?
LikeLike
Hollie
June 7, 2011
I also heard “Were you born in a barn?” We almost always lived in very urban areas when I was growing up, and I had never even seen a barn in real life. When mom would ask me that, I would think, “No, I was born in the Navy hospital…..Don’t you remember, you were there…..” We didn’t have the wooden spoon (at least not usually), we had the fly swatter, and depending on how bad we were, we would either get the stinging plastic end or the stinging wire end. Every time we would move, mom would find the thirty or so fly swatters that we had hidden around the house. Another saying was “Go soak your head” and I always hoped that it meant I could go in the pool……
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
I had the same problem with the barn question. I wondered why my mother didn’t know where I was born. And why would living in a born cause you to keep leaving the door open?
Thanks for the comment, Hollie.
LikeLike
shoreacres
April 17, 2011
Charles! There’s only one thing you’ve gotten wrong since I’ve known you, and it’s here in this comment section.
When it comes to ice cream, you START with the microwave. 15 seconds for a pint and 20-25 for a new half gallon. It makes it possible to dig it right out in big, curving portions, and it comes out with that melty already on it.
Not only that, if you’re dedicated to the proposition that it tastes even better straight out of the carton, you’ve got a head start.
Not that I’d know, of course. I’ve only heard. 😉
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 18, 2011
The problem, though, is I never buy just a pint. And if I par-melt a half gallon, I’m almost obligated to eat the whole thing, because refreezing melted ice cream is both illegal and immoral (and nearly impossible, given my endless one-more-spoon mentality).
The only thing I’ve gotten wrong? Linda! Have you not been paying attention?
LikeLike
Amanda Hoving
April 18, 2011
Sometimes, I *still* don’t know what my mom is trying to say to me, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. I try to be very clear with my own kids…none of this “maybe” stuff… 😉 Excellent post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 21, 2011
No matter how clear we try to be, there’s no telling what those kids are actually hearing.
Thanks for the comment, Amanda.
LikeLike
Jac
April 19, 2011
Allison, the big blue couch was your “third floor” and I’m thinking grandma’s sprinkle cookies were your “ice cream” 🙂 I’m glad you and your dad both have good memories of loving grandmothers, and just so you know, your grandfather would have adored you!! I never had a grandparent to go to, but my dad’s presence was my third floor and rubbing noses with him was my ice cream!
LikeLike
Wild_Bill
April 19, 2011
I was raised in the sticks and it sounded like you must have been listening in on my family. So funny, so poignant, so true.
This brightened an otherwise frustrating day, exactly what I needed to hear!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 21, 2011
Thank you, Wild Bill. Your comment was exactly what I needed to hear, too.
LikeLike
arborfamiliae
April 19, 2011
My favorite sentence: Some things grown-ups say, of course, are meant to be unclear. “Maybe” means “No,” but is leavened with a trace of hope, softening the blow for the child and providing the adult with a way to look temporarily reasonable.
I have been feeling quite convicted about this as a father. I do this alot. There’s a fine line between sustaining hopefulness in your children and engendering a total lack of trust in one’s “maybe.” I skate the line all the time. The key is to deliver just enough to keep them hopeful.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 21, 2011
One thing I’ve noticed with my son is that he asks for so many things, there isn’t time to process them all and give a thoughtful response to each one. Saying “maybe” is often no more than a stall tactic.
LikeLike
cooperstownersincanada
April 20, 2011
Hilarious, Charles. I wish I could claim to be as analytical as you as a child. But I guess I can’t cry over spilled milk 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 21, 2011
I guess you were confused by that one, Kevin. I was, too.
LikeLike
Mitch Mitchell
April 21, 2011
Except for that last one I could identify with everything you mentioned. Parents do seem to say the oddest things. I guess I’ve been spared the passing of the torch in not having any kids. How funny!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 21, 2011
I’m always surprised to hear other adults say that their parents used many of the same expressions my parents did. I would have sworn my mother made up half of that stuff herself.
LikeLike
Val Erde
April 21, 2011
I was always very confused by “don’t tell tales” as I’d always been led to believe that tales were tall stories and I was sure that I was always telling the truth! “But I’m not telling tales” I’d wail, usually having innocently done just that!
I’m with you on ‘the wrong side of the bed’, though my bed didn’t face the wall, it faced a bookcase.
Now, in my household, ‘pill’ would have been a shortened version of ‘pillock’ but I don’t suppose your parents would have used such a term… or would they?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 22, 2011
I don’t remember hearing that word, Val, and had to look it up to see what it means. Not that they wouldn’t have occasionally used some synonym. As for tales, that’s another vague term. It’s like the word stories, which suggests a fictional account, except that we also use it to refer to a non-fictional account: “This film is based on a true story.”
It’s a wonder we can communicate at all.
LikeLike
successisthebestrevenge
April 22, 2011
Being a mother or father does not make a parent. Parents need to learn positive punishment and discipline techniques. “Old skool” discipline and punishment can definitely create issues for parents, guardians, and nurturers in today’s society. We need to continue learning to be more effective. We need to more proactive than reactive in our parenting styles. Mixed messages confuse our children and sometimes open the gate for all types of high risk behaviors in life.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
April 22, 2011
I hope I didn’t create the impression that my mother and father were anything less than good parents. They did their best, and met their responsibilities in countless unseen and long-forgotten ways. This post was more about my tendency to combine an excessively literal interpretation with a wide-ranging imagination, and the confusion that resulted. I could have asked for clarification, but usually didn’t.
As for techniques, I don’t believe they exist in any universal way. Just as a sales technique will be effective on one person but not another, I think punishment and discipline techniques will often produce different outcomes with different children. There will be successes with almost any approach, but I’m sure highlighting that approach and saying, “This is what works for everyone,” would be a mistake.
Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
Jac
April 22, 2011
The kicker is that you don’t always know which technique is best (or worst) til they are all grown up. By then, what’s done is done. Life is so fun that way.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 1, 2011
And what works for one may not work for another.
LikeLike
Damyanti
April 25, 2011
Thanks for another bout of helpless giggles 🙂
I always read only one of your posts, and save the rest for later…who knows how soon I’ll need a laugh again?
I feel blessed I found this blog. When in a funk (writerly or otherwise), I open your blog, and feel much better almost instantly!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 1, 2011
I appreciate that, Damyanti, and feel the same way about your blog. Your imagination and writing skills form a wonderful combination. I hope you’ll always keep working through those funks.
LikeLike
Melinda
April 27, 2011
My kids say when I answer “maybe” that always means no. I think they are right. My answer to “can I have…?” is always “How much $ do you have?” I guess I’m guilty of having my own parent sayings, too. Aww Grandmas are just the best when you’re a kid. They are like a cup of hot chocolate topped with love.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 1, 2011
Being a parent is such a difficult job, Melinda; being a perfect parent is an impossible goal. What we sometimes forget — and what our kids almost never seem to remember — is that we’re still human beings with limited amounts of patience, time, and wisdom. From what I can see, your children are very lucky to have a mother like you.
LikeLike
Amiable Amiable
May 4, 2011
So funny and interesting, Charles. I was never subjected to all of those sayings since my mother favored the silent treatment and, if I heard anything, it was “children should be seen and not heard.” I think this is why I have said most of the above to my children over and over and over again.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 6, 2011
That’s another one I heard, AA, and I honestly didn’t understand it. When an adult asked us a question, were we not supposed to answer?
LikeLike
happykidshappymom
May 25, 2011
Oh my goodness, Charles. 🙂
One thing I’ve learned in this life is that we remember what other people say to us… much better than we remember what we’ve said to them.
I’m willing to bet that your dear mother would not remember even a fraction of the times she offered to bring your head into your room and put it back on your body. (That was hilarious, the way you described it.)
But of course, you remember it. This is what I mean. Sometimes my sister says things to me that sound like pure genius, and I say yes! I totally agree. And she says, are you kidding? You’re the one who said that, don’t you remember?
Nope.
And this holds true for all the idiotic advice I’ve proffered over the years as well. Sometimes I feel like we shouldn’t be allowed to talk unless we’re actually listening to ourselves! Because other people are, and they will remember.
However… when what they remember is something beautiful — that’s a rare moment indeed — what a monumental feeling of joy it is to have that shared back with you.
One time I guess I was “being a pill” at dinner. And I spilled my glass of milk all over the table, breaking through the strength of that last straw that held my parents’ sanity together. They sent me to my room, where I proceeded to huddle in the closet, close the door and cry.
My sister came up shortly after, opened the door and said, “Don’t cry over spilled milk.”
🙂
It was the most perfect cliche I’d ever heard. And I’ll always remember it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 27, 2011
I hope you’ll write all these stories about you and your sister, Melissa. They’re perfect. And I’ve had the same experience of having someone tell me I said something, and I can’t remember ever saying it.
LikeLike
Niki Fulton
June 7, 2011
Funny and all so true, “now, how long is a piece of string”……
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
Believe it or not, I’d never heard that expression. But now that I have, I bet I’ll hear it again within the next 48 hours.
LikeLike
writerwoman61
June 7, 2011
Congrats, Charles! You’re Freshly Pressed! Well-deserved! Can I say I knew you when?
Wendy
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
Thanks, Wendy. I didn’t even know until I got your comment.
LikeLike
thepintsizechef
June 7, 2011
What a wonderful blog you’ve created!!!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
Thank you for saying so.
LikeLike
The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
June 7, 2011
I don’t recall my parents ever using those phrases on me, but I’ve heard them before, for sure. How nice for you and your parents that you had your grandma’s to retreat to!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
I often wonder where my parents learned those expressions. It wasn’t from my grandparents. At least I don’t think it was.
LikeLike
gaycarboys
June 7, 2011
most amusing. thanks to the laugh:)
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you liked the post.
LikeLike
sportsjim81
June 7, 2011
What a great post. As a father of two little ones (my oldest just turned 2), I can already see me saying these same lines a couple years down the road. And of course, I recall them being said to me as well. Congrats on FP!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 8, 2011
Thanks, Jim. I just visited your blog and found some great stuff there.
http://sportsjim81.wordpress.com/
LikeLike
sportsjim81
June 8, 2011
Hey thanks alot! Appreciate you stopping by.
LikeLike
dreamingbiologist
June 7, 2011
I have an exam tomorrow and reading for it had just “closed all the windows to my head”.
I was lucky in a way that my parents rarely got annoyed on my questions but yes some of the idioms in her native tongue (we have them plenty in India) would just put me in a state of imagining those almost impossible feats. I still remember her saying when she would get annoyed of me, “I want to shout and go far away from you.” Now this would always be followed by two innocent questions; first, will you come back, and second, if you want to go then why would you shout and not go peacefully?
Your post was hilarious and opened up my brain for the exam tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me of a puzzled part of my childhood.
Great writing.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 9, 2011
I hope the windows stayed open and that the exam went well.
Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
tinkerbelle86
June 7, 2011
snorted tea out of my nose.. had to forward round the office to explain my mirth.. great post 🙂
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 9, 2011
Thank you, tinkerbelle86.
Sorry to hear about the tea, but I’m glad you liked the post.
LikeLike
girlonthecontrary
June 7, 2011
Wonderful post! It set me to thinking about all the things my Mom used to say to me as a kid that I never understood at the time. I couldn’t think of anything. Probably because I usually ignored her words and let her eyes do the talking- that way, I knew if I was REALLY in trouble or just being a little annoying. Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 9, 2011
You probably saved yourself months of needless confusion. Why didn’t I think of that?
LikeLike
beckyyk
June 7, 2011
It’s funny that sometimes parents say things that kids have no idea what they are talking about. I know a parent that tells their kid “you’re being rude” or “That’s so rude”. In this particular case, the kid doesn’t know what the word means and they keep misbehaving. It’s good to simplify things. Sounds like you had good memories of your grandma!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
I think kids often learn the meanings of words by the tone in their parents’ voices. At least we did when I was little. Maybe today’s parents try to sound too rational, even when they’re angry.
LikeLike
earthymind
June 7, 2011
This is such a class of a post…i think anyone,any age,any part of the world will be able to relate to this….and yes,grandma is always an angel…the perfect getaway from every trouble and always something fascinating to eat!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
She was the only grandparent I ever knew, and she wasn’t around all that long, either. But I’ll never forget her. Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
Emjayandthem
June 7, 2011
This was great fun to read.
My Grandmother didn’t live upstairs but she did live “the next farm over.” When I was getting up in my mother’s hair, I’d saddle up my pony and escape to Grandma’s for some home-made donuts or pan fried burgers. I can still smell them! Grandmother’s make everything better … and I only had to sit through Lawrence Welk and wear crocheted 70s vests as payback.
Wonderful post; congrats on being Fresh Pressed … very deserving! MJ
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
You must have a lot of those great memories, MJ. Have you written about them?
LikeLike
Sondra
June 7, 2011
Coincidentally, while I was looking at the “Hair Scene,” a young boy came up to me and asked me why she was saying “Get out of my hair,” if “he wasn’t in her hair!” This exactly proves the point that words can be confusing to children and adults should try to speak to them in terms they can understand. Nice article!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
On the other hand, these expressions add color to the language. Maybe they’re also meant to sound less harsh than some of the things parents might be tempted to say on occasion.
Thanks, Sondra.
LikeLike
Willow Finishing Course
June 7, 2011
But why wax on top of jelly?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
That’s what I kept asking. It was to seal the jars, so bacteria wouldn’t get in. You knew that.
LikeLike
Leah
June 7, 2011
This is a great post! As a parent to a 3-year-old, I’ve been made quite aware that the things I say do not translate to her. They are great teachers to us in the lessons of life and using words that have meaning.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 10, 2011
I think there will always be some miscommunication, Leah. Maybe the real secret is to encourage our kids to ask questions when they don’t understand what we’re saying, and to look for signs of confusion in them. It seems more important than ever, because everyone today is bombarded with so much information and so many messages — and some of those messages are not designed with good intentions.
LikeLike
cheratomo
June 7, 2011
My parents used to say all of those things to me. Unforunately, I didn’t have as big of an imagination as you so I’d just turn around and leave and continue mopping the basement floor for fun. Your grandma seems really nice, though. I wonder what it was like to have a grandmother within reach? My grandma was always a few thousand miles away in a distant country and couldn’t speak English as I couldn’t speak German.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 11, 2011
Having my grandmother right upstairs was great for both of us. I could go see her any time I wanted, and she could send me home just by saying she heard my mother calling. That language barrier is a tough thing, though, especially when your only means of communication is by phone.
Thank you for the comment.
LikeLike
ournote2self
June 7, 2011
I’ve heard all the same phrases from my parents as a child. And now that I have 2 children, I find myself saying the same things to them. We wrote about it on one of our postings. Check us out!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 11, 2011
Am I just reading too carefully, or have you miscounted your children? Your most recent post talks about your two daughters, but in discussing one of them, refers to her brother. Yet here you say you have two children. I liked the post, no matter how many kids you have.
http://ournote2self.wordpress.com/2011/06/09/who-said-eating-bugs-isnt-fun/
LikeLike
ChaseK8
June 7, 2011
Fantastic Post, and wild imagination… loved it!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 11, 2011
Thanks, ChaseK8. I appreciate it.
LikeLike
Miki
June 7, 2011
Great story, thanks for sharing! It’s crazy what a few words can do to a child and how that may affect them later on in their life. All I can chalk that up to mean is to not follow the same path. Though I can’t guarantee I won’t say anything confusing to my son, I do know I won’t purposely attempt to confuse him just to throw him off thereby giving him some kind of insecurity when he’s older.
But then again one may question if telling your children like it is, is in fact the right thing to do. For instance “Santa actually doesn’t exist” or “mommy and daddy are fighting because the daycare bill needs to be paid and there’s not enough cash in the bank this week to pay it” – I guess there is a happy medium somewhere. Unless of course you’ve grown up believing all of the wrong things are the right things. Hmmmm…. What to do, what to do?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 11, 2011
Another factor is the tendency for children to repeat themselves, ask endless questions, and do so many other things that drive their parents crazy. We all think we’re going to have an inexhaustible supply of patience for our kids, but parents sometimes feel tired, worried, and overwhelmed. It isn’t always easy to control what comes out of your mouth.
LikeLike
Harold
June 7, 2011
A fun read, also the comments! Brings back memories and laughs.
I remember my mom telling my ex-sister-in-law that she should use words her daughters would understand. That was after xsil had said to them to stop getting in her hair. At their age I am sure they did not understand either.
Congrats on being FP!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
Thanks, Harold. I guess some tendencies are universal.
LikeLike
Fire Crystals
June 7, 2011
I just loved those lines and your interpretations of them. And I see you have a point – children need not understand so many of these phrases we use in our daily life.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
Understanding them would have saved me a lot of needless confusion, though.
LikeLike
Margo Karolyi
June 7, 2011
Whenever one of ‘us kids’ (there were five of us, too, growing up in the fifties and sixties) would ask my Dad “What are you doing?”, he always replied, “Washing my feet in turpentine, what does it look like?”. To “Where are you going?”, he always responded, “Constantinople and Timbuktu”. Honestly, until I was in my twenties, I thought they were both ‘fictional’ places! Thanks for the great post … and for jogging some memories loose.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
I wonder if we’re related. Actually, it sounds like we had the same parents.
LikeLike
madrasee
June 7, 2011
This is fantastic. I loved reading it
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 13, 2011
Thank you. I’m glad to hear that.
LikeLike
lynnsbooks
June 7, 2011
Well, not wanting to add to the confusion with strange sayings, but, I could have laughed my head off at this piece. Really funny. Made me start thinking about all the funny things my dad used to say when he was particularly annoyed with me, my sister and brother – which ususally just made us want to snicker and end up in even more trouble – e.g. ‘You’ll put me in prison’!! What is that about? or ‘Pick your window’! I love reading a piece like this that makes me reflect.
Thanks Lynn 😀
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
Thank you for the nice comment, Lynn. I guess this experience is more common than I thought it was.
LikeLike
charlywalker
June 7, 2011
very funny!
How about “Children are to be seen and not heard”………I bet they are listening now…….
Great Blog BronxBoy!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
I remember the exact moment when I heard one of my uncles say “Children should be seen and not heard.” I think I was eight, and had just said something.
LikeLike
Lakia Gordon
June 7, 2011
Loved the cartoons
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
Thanks, Lakia. I appreciate the comment. Your blog looks great, by the way.
LikeLike
Ms. Tish
June 7, 2011
This blog put a big “pudding” smile on my face and made me feel guilty at the same time because I use some of these exact phrases. LOVED the cartoons; it gave your words some life. Thanks for your entry!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
No need to feel guilty, Ms. Tish. If you read through some of the other comments, you’ll see how many people say the same things to their kids. Thanks for your nice comment!
LikeLike
makingup3000
June 7, 2011
I totally forgot that “Quit being a pill” from my mom. haha. I think I may have heard it a lot unfortunately. : )
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
I heard it a lot, too, but could never make the connection between the word and its meaning in that context. Maybe it meant hard to take?
LikeLike
happykidshappymom
June 7, 2011
Just stopped by — and saw this post is Freshly Pressed! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. I commented a little bit ago, so won’t leave another. But I had to let you know I saw your good news, and think it’s WELL DESERVED! 🙂 But of course I think every post you write is Freshly Pressed material.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
Thank you again, Melissa. You’re far too nice, but it’s still good to hear. And I hope you know I feel the same way about your amazing blog.
http://play101.wordpress.com/
LikeLike
comingeast
June 7, 2011
This was fabulous! Love your grandmother! I had a Jewish grandmother, and I think everyone needs one of those, whether you are Jewish or not! Wonderful writing.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
Italian grandmother, Jewish grandmother. Same person, different food.
LikeLike
Eva McCane
June 7, 2011
i love the cartoon with the pulling her hair out because the son is asking too many questions…i have a 2-year old that is constantly curious.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 16, 2011
As a parent, I miss those non-stop questions — as maddening as they were at the time.
Thanks for the comment, Eva.
LikeLike
reelingintheyears.wordpress.com
June 7, 2011
I felt like I was reading about my own childhood! I puzzled over such expressions for HOURS. Recently I fussed at a friend who told her child, “If you don’t behave, I’m going to yank out your arm and beat you with it!” I think some parents don’t how how words can haunt children. So enjoyed your touching post!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 16, 2011
I guess if you’re going to threaten a child, it’s better to say something completely ridiculous so they know you won’t really do it.
I’m glad you liked the post.
LikeLike
corzgalore
June 7, 2011
This is adorable. I love the cartoons that illustrate it.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 16, 2011
Thanks, Corrie. I appreciate that you took the time to read it, and comment.
LikeLike
Hollie
June 7, 2011
We would ask, “Whatcha doin” or “where ya goin,” and get back “nunya” or “nunya beeswax.” When we asked “who’s is that?” we would get “Nachos”. Sill the things that came back. My little sister’s favorite word used to be “butthead” and one day my dad called her the “head butt” and then they both sorta tuned in to terms of endearment….Now that I think of it, it is a little strange…
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
I was endlessly confused by “None of your beeswax.” I still am.
LikeLike
She's a Maineiac
June 7, 2011
Congrats, Charles! I was so excited to see you’ve been “Freshly Pressed”! I can’t think of a blog more deserving. Enjoy it!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Thank you, Darla. I’m still trying to reply to all of the comments. I always appreciate your kind words.
LikeLike
kroessman
June 7, 2011
This amused me to no end! 🙂 Congrats on freshly pressed … I took that train-ride yesterday, and am still catching up on replies … hope you get a few more subscribers beyond just me 😉
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
And I’m still trying to catch up, too. Belated congratulations!
LikeLike
denise:)
June 7, 2011
Excellent post- very true!!
When I was young, my mother woke up to me searching through her hair on the back of her head. When she asked what I was doing, I simply said “looking for the eyes at the back of your head!” Duh!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Yet another expression I took literally. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.
Thanks, Denise.
LikeLike
charlesvanegas
June 7, 2011
What does “being a pill” mean?! I still don’t know! Great read
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
It’s confusing, isn’t it? To be a pill means to be a pain in the neck. But you take a pill to get rid of a pain in your neck. Who thought of this?
LikeLike
WhiteElephantInTheRoom
June 7, 2011
Thanks to dear old Dad telling me we’d play Chutes and Ladders “just as soon as the game is over – there are only three minutes left,” I could barely tell time until I was.. well I’m not saying. It was beyond me how three minutes always took twenty-four minutes and two commercial breaks. Nice post.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Yes, those last thirty seconds of the basketball game could take forever. And I liked Chutes and Ladders, too, until they changed it to Snakes and Ladders.
Thanks for the comment.
LikeLike
Jim
June 7, 2011
I’m curious . . . who does the cute cartoons?
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Much of the original artwork was done by Ron Leishman. I modify as needed.
LikeLike
Snoring Dog Studio
June 7, 2011
Oh, Charles! It is long long past the time when you should have been Freshly Pressed. Now the others know what I’ve known since I first discovered your writing. You are brilliant and brilliantly funny and so very talented. You deserve a world of readers because your writing delights and never fails to touch us all.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
And it’s long long long past the time when I should have replied to these comments, but I’m still working on it. Thank you for your encouragement and support, and especially for your friendship — I’ll take those over being Freshly Pressed anytime.
LikeLike
angelinabebe
June 7, 2011
….another day will be better!
LikeLike
I was told there would be no math
June 7, 2011
Nice post Congratulations on Freshly Pressed!
LikeLike
metrocakegirl
June 7, 2011
This post reminds me of the children’s books Parts and More Parts by Tedd Arnold.
As a mother, I often find myself having to explain the meaning behind something I or someone else has said. Great post.
LikeLike
Michelle
June 7, 2011
I loved your post! It was witty and spot on. It reminded me of growing up and all of the sayings my parents had. They had all of the ones you discussed and a couple more. My dad would say,” I am not going to be a broken record” when he didn’t want to repeat something or we weren’t listening. Ha, as if I even listened to records growing up, I had cassette tapes! He also would say, “don’t go out with out your shoes on, you are going to catch your death!” Funny thing, how do you catch your death? My parents had the infamous reply to why questions, “because I said so”. When we would leave the door open, we would hear, “were you born in a barn? Shut the door!” Apparently my dad was born in a barn, he would do a rooster crow to wake us up in the morning… oh how funny he thought this was! When we were being particularly bad, my parents would threaten us with, “I’m going to sell you to the gypsies!” I never saw or met a gypsy until I was an adult. If I had really known who they were as a child, I might have found this an attractive offer not a punishment.
Well, I really enjoyed your post. It brought up a lot of childhood memories and made me laugh, brightening my day. I will have to continue to read your blog. I’m glad I found you on Freshly Pressed today.
My husband and I are in the process of growing our family and I have often wondered which of these parental comments will pop out of my mouth even if I don’t want them to.
I am pretty new to blogging but have gotten quickly hooked. I feel I have found a new community of friends. Check out my blog if you like.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Michelle, I apologize for the ridiculous amount of time it’s taken me to reply to your thoughtful comment. My parents used the “broken record” line on me, too, except I think they were saying I sounded like one. I could never understand how a broken record could sound like anything. (I guess they meant a scratched record.)
LikeLike
The Food and Love Diaries
June 7, 2011
That was fantastic!! Such a lovely post.
LikeLike
Consuelo
June 7, 2011
so funny…so true! 😀
LikeLike
s
June 7, 2011
This is funny. Made me think of the time my aunt died. I was five. Shortly thereafter, my dad got stationed in Spain (Air Force); as we soared high above the clouds, I craned my neck looking, searching. My mother asked me what I was looking for; I told her I was looking for Aunt Jean Jean because everyone said she went to heaven…
Thanks for causing me to remember that. That was actually one of not so many tender moments I spent with my mother as a young girl. And, in retrospect, it is alittle funny.
LikeLike
nenskei
June 7, 2011
Ice cream is my best remedy ….
LikeLike
missfadesomi
June 7, 2011
Loved it. Really entertaining.. Kids are so adorable. lol
LikeLike
Pollyanna Darling
June 7, 2011
Very well observed! I too had a grandmother with a wonderful accent and halting English (she was Hungarian) who I completely adored because she gave me lots of attention and made marvellously delicious food. Exotic grandmothers have probably saved many of us from becoming socially unacceptable human beings. Thank you for sharing and congrats on Freshly Pressed. x
LikeLike
NobleRiver
June 7, 2011
Awesome post.
I started reading this, and halfway through, I looked at the right hand side scroll bar.
Hmm, very small button on it! That means this is going to be a long long post. AWESOME!
I was right out distraught when I saw that over 70% of the page was comments. Too short a post. That’s my take on it.
[Sorry, whenever I was reading a book, I’d stop occasionally to glance at how many chapters were remaining before the book ended. The closer I got to the end the more frantic I became.]
LikeLike
cntopgoal
June 7, 2011
funny
LikeLike
cheap Gucci clothes
June 8, 2011
Such a funny post!
Such cute cartoons!
LikeLike
Debashrita Panda
June 8, 2011
I have no words to praise. This is indeed, a wonderful writing. Congrats for being a Featured Post!!!
LikeLike
Ace
June 8, 2011
This made me smile! I remember before that I used to take these expressions literally.
One time my teacher said during class that if we don’t know the answer, just say so. She then called me to recite and I told her that I didn’t know the answer. She got furious and told me to get out of the classroom (she was steaming mad at that time), so I left. Apparently, this made my teacher angrier (imagine a big red hot head with steam coming out of her ears and nose and mouth) until my classmate told me to come back to the room and apologize.
LikeLike
baining
June 8, 2011
This made me laugh and cringe at the same time. My mom who did it to me is now “Grandma Precious” while I am uttering the word “maybe” far too often. Thanks for the reminder
LikeLike
leadinglight
June 8, 2011
That’s amusing. In my family, I am more likely to come up with these sort of quips than my parents. I knew when it came to grandmothers, if we went to my mum’s mums house it would be prayers time. On the other hand if we went to see dad’s mum, it would be chocolate biscuit time.
LikeLike
plantainperiodicals
June 8, 2011
These are absolute classics my parents especially loved the ‘give you something to cry about…’. Loved this!
LikeLike
Ava Aston's Muckery
June 8, 2011
Totally enjoyed this. And who did I hear saying, nothing in life is free anymore..oh , wait some silly adult said that!
Congrats on being Freshly Heard…oops I mean Freshly Pressed.
Blessings,
Ava
xox
LikeLike
Leah Dotten
June 8, 2011
I’m so glad to know I wasn’t the only one perplexed by that wrong side of the bed comment. What a relief!
LikeLike
Anna
June 8, 2011
Hilarious…my mother would say such things to my children and they always came back to me and asked what it meant. I had some labyrinths to get through, explaining “sayings” to my children. Kids are too smart for grown-ups! I enjoy your writing and congrats on FP!
LikeLike
arctoswatch
June 8, 2011
It’s amazing how people from different cultures had the same experiences.
LikeLike
richannkur
June 8, 2011
So nice…
LikeLike
jackxuchaojun
June 8, 2011
i love it.
LikeLike
Ciphur
June 8, 2011
I read several of your posts. You are hilarious to say the least.
I am subscribing to your blog.
Could pick up some humour from you. 🙂
LikeLike
differentdimensions
June 8, 2011
This is hilarious…I could relate to it so well.Though most phrases are not used here in India so often but my parents almost always used ” money doesn’t grow on trees” and I start to think of a coin that grows up into a tree giving money. The proof that I really never understood the expression was that I actually tried growing a coin in a pot caring for it dearly for more than two weeks to realize it wouldn’t grow.
LikeLike
sarsm
June 8, 2011
And have you ever used the same remarks to your own children? 🙂
I use the ‘Did you get out of the wrong side of bed?’ all the time.
LikeLike
Michelle
June 8, 2011
I am slightly new to wordpress and never really read the Freshly Pressed ones. So happy I did open this one as this made my remaining days here at work… which is obviously very boring now. I almost blurted reading this, thankfully I was able to control my laughter… This is such a nice read and something that surely unmade my waking on the wrong side of the bed. Thank you.
LikeLike
iPhone 5
June 8, 2011
where r those kids times 🙂
LikeLike
banbamama
June 8, 2011
ah this is just brilliant. Isn’t it funny how every parent seems to have the same set of answers and questions to boggle a kid’s mind. As a young parent myself, I am taking notes down on paper here for future reference. That way I can answer my three year old’s questions with these and sit back and watch the puzzlement on her little face while she tries to figure it out! Is that cruel? Just a bit of satisfaction for all the “why” questions 🙂
LikeLike
creativeconfessions
June 8, 2011
Absolutely hilarious! I used to get very confused with my dad. Every time he’d tell me that no, I couldn’t do this or that, I’d always complain. Then he’d say, “It builds character!” The first time I heard it, I don’t know why, but I was stunned! How could such a thing build my character? And how could you build character anyway? On the bright side (for him) it got me to shut up and stop my whining… until I came up with something else for him to deny me.
Brilliant post! Keep ’em coming! 🙂
LikeLike
Samar Ahsan
June 8, 2011
loved it, its hilarious 😀
LikeLike
pihu
June 8, 2011
cute post reminds me of my own childhood days!
LikeLike
crazygoangirl
June 8, 2011
What a delightful read! I look at my 3-yr-old boy and wonder whether the very same thoughts are passing through his head when those very same lines are leaving mine 😛 He’s twice lucky…he’s got two Grandmas and one Great Grandma to feed him ice-cream and sugar in every other form 😉
LikeLike
susanhallsworth
June 8, 2011
Thanks for the laugh this morning. You have made me think about what expressions I use as a parent that could make my boys stop and think. Quite frankly I don’t think they listen to me….
LikeLike
thegirlbehindthepen
June 8, 2011
wow it’s very nice. excellent work!
LikeLike
thiscrazythingcalledmylife
June 8, 2011
I couldn’t help but laugh while reading this…I bet I use to think the same thing with my mom…and I’m pretty positive my son thinks the same….because when i say something he thinks is crazy…he looks at me all weird and says “what?” I think he’s just a little more outspoken. (hahah)
Thanks for this great read!
LikeLike
mistermommy
June 8, 2011
Great post!
LikeLike
thor27
June 8, 2011
Cute and funny blog I like it come visit http://thor27.wordpress.com
LikeLike
mcbarlow5
June 8, 2011
Every time I say “maybe” to my son’s requests, he says “Don’t say that. I know that means no!” Too funny how much we repeat our own parents without even realizing it.
LikeLike
Van11
June 8, 2011
Now that’s what I call effective parenting!
LikeLike
artreviewed
June 8, 2011
My mum used to say “Dont make me take my hand off your face!” (she meant a clip round the ear) and it always made me question what she meant! This post made me laugh out loud! Congratulations on being FP’d! 🙂
LikeLike
Mama's Empty Nest
June 8, 2011
Thanks for the trip down memory lane! Except for the Italian grandma on the 3rd floor (mine lived with us), your parents and mine could have been the same. Apparently, most parents back then went to the same parenting school and used the same lines on their kids. Very funny post!
LikeLike
newsy1
June 8, 2011
I distinctly remember “Eat your food children in China are starving.” I wasn’t a smart-alec kid or anything but once I said i hated lima beans and my dad should send them to the kids in China. I spent the rest of the evening in my room. If I left the door open more than a second in cold weather I would hear “Do you think we are heating the outside?” I never did get that one as a kid. You brought back some funny fond memories.
LikeLike
Kerry
June 8, 2011
VERY Funny! fell of my chair laughing!!!
So true as to how most kids think! This is why Rugrats was my favorite of all my kids tv shows, the way the kids always reacted to what their parents said, especially the one about Santa Cluse ( they interpreted it as Claws- and immedeaitely saw a scary guy with Claws!)
My Parents didn’t use alot of those, though I had heard them alot by other kids parents. I was pretty much a comedian (smart -ass) and always had a reply, as my older brothers always had some stupid quote to spout for any question I asked!
My Grandmother always used the “eyes in the back of my head” line, so as soon as she would sit down, I would get behind her and search for them- they weren’t there, Thus I proved she didn’t have them!!
My Grandfather said “If you stick that lip out any farther a Rooster will come sit on it!” Never happened! though I did keep my eye out for any Roosters in the vicinity!
As for my Mother, her stock answer to my statement of coming down with any ailement was: “you better not be”! To which I thought, and occasionaly said “Oh yeah? what are you going to do ? scare it away!”
Then there was the “I am sick….. at which point I interrupted and said: “and tired?”
Which of course never turned out well!!
With our kids, my husband and I never use “Maybe”, we stall them with ,” I’ll have to talk to your father/mother about it”.
My Mom always used “We’ll see” to which I persistantly continued to ask her if “she saw it yet?”
With our kids we tend to answer things with Quotes from movies, Like Terminators’ “come with me if you want to live!” or Hannibals line about the liver with the Cianti and Fava beans.
Our children usually reply with their own favorite lines such as Tommy Boys; “Tommy wants wingy” or “Are you watching Spank toe-vision?”
and Jokers “Why so serious?” is a favorite in our household!
Luckily I married someone who appreciates my sense of humor!
LikeLike
Monique
June 8, 2011
I absolutely loved this post it was fall off of my chair funny….Loved it!!!!!!!
LikeLike
AOI
June 8, 2011
Interesting, both the article and comments. I don’t quite remember my childhood, though I’m only 19, but I’m sure I wouldn’t have understood those sayings either. The article was very enjoyable to read. ^^
LikeLike
sleepingintheshower
June 8, 2011
Nice post, sir. Reminds of the book “A Chocolate Moose for Dinner” by Fred Gwynne that I read as a kid. Always made me smile.
LikeLike
icedteawithlemon
June 8, 2011
Congratulations on being “Freshly Pressed”! I remember reading this when it was originally posted and–as always–thoroughly enjoying your humorous perspective. I particularly appreciated and agreed with your explanation of the reasoning behind the answer “Maybe”–how many times have I used that response for the same reason! I’m not sure why I didn’t comment when I first read this, but I’m glad I happened to log on tonight and was able to see you receiving some well deserved recognition for your writing. Kudos!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 25, 2011
Thank you, Karen. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, but I appreciate your kind words.
LikeLike
undereducation
June 8, 2011
Brilliant. I always had that problem of taking things literally when my mother told me such and such would happen “when the cows came home”
Where did the cows go?
Why aren’t they home yet?
Should cows really be allowed out unsupervised?
We didn’t even HAVE cows.
It’s just one of those things I guess.
LikeLike
Deborah
June 8, 2011
This is such a great post – so humorous and so true. Oh, the difficulties of childhood. Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
LikeLike
Opinyonista
June 8, 2011
great post! this is a universal take on childhood. i think everybody had had experiences like this.
LikeLike
idontwanttomiss
June 8, 2011
Loved your post – though I usually understood many of the lines many adults would say sometimes I would get stumpped… how did my mother really know what I was doing when her back was turned. I knew she really didn’t have eyes in the back of her head but I still couldn’t figure it out. Also…
I remember going to Mass and there is a line where the priest says “lift up your hearts” and the congregation repeats “we lift them up to the Lord.” I would alway look around to see if I could see hearts flying up to God. Week after week I felt I was too slow and missed them… and I also wondered once they were lifted up to the Lord when did they actually come back down.
LikeLike
mischz
June 8, 2011
Your post has inspired me to write about my grandma. Something I have put off for a long time. And I am glad that I did. Thanks for writing so candidly about things. It makes great reading.
LikeLike
caterpillar
June 9, 2011
Haha. Great cartoons! And it totally brings me back to all those things that puzzled me growing up.
LikeLike
geeckosnickers
June 9, 2011
I love this post! Things children had to put up with. I bet anyone can relate with this, even then-kids.
LikeLike
Bindu John
June 9, 2011
I wonder how you managed to recollect all these. I can visualize a perplexed little boy trying to make head or tail of the remarks made by the parents. Great work!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 14, 2011
I’m sure if I hadn’t been perplexed, I’d have a harder time remembering the remarks today.
LikeLike
Sona
June 9, 2011
Myy friend P was in a real hurry that morning, getting the kids ready,packing 4 lunches,et al. The youngest was again not easy this morning, cranky & slow to get into the bath, into his clothes, in eating his cereal, being noisy . She barked at him,” did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” He asked – ” what would happen if I did?” She took a few seconds to calm down and said – this will mean that you will be a very good boy for the rest of the day, you will put on your shoes on your own, go in the bus nicely, you wont fight with your class boys at all, you will be kind & helpful to everyone….now go ahead, go on!’
Next day evening they had a guest for dinner, and he was telling the guest – I was so good the whole day, my teacher was pleased with me, because I got up from the wrong side of the bed today. I should do that more often, yes mama?”
Now the guest had a hard time understanding what was going on!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 9, 2011
I sometimes wonder how many hours each day children spend trying to understand what adults are saying, and how many hours adults spend trying to understand what children are saying. Imagine what we could accomplish if we could eliminate even some of the confusion.
Thanks for the comment, Sona.
LikeLike
domesticbubblewriter
June 10, 2011
Excellent, and so true. Have you read ‘Cider with Rosie’ by Laurie Lee? When he starts school and is told to “Wait there for the present”. He complains to his mother that he was there all day and didn’t get a gift!! Don’t you just love words?
LikeLike
gcseg
June 12, 2011
I live in Asia and actually we have a different expression here. However, I can totally connect with what you have written. It’s amazing how elders can tactfully get rid of children without them knowing the real implication of what they have just said. A child’s imagination should not be taken lightly.
LikeLike
realanonymousgirl2011
June 18, 2011
I absolutely love the “go see where you got to go.” It sounds just about ridiculous but kind of makes sense.
LikeLike
Marija sKeri
June 20, 2011
Hilarious!! Fantastic blog!!!
LikeLike
enigma
October 16, 2011
awesome post…hilarious
http://www.imspot.org
Internet Marketing & SEO Forum
LikeLike