Inspired by several entertaining posts on Big Happy Nothing, I recently wrote of my fondness for the movie Moonstruck, as well as my inability to understand the film’s ending. To the rescue came Charles Paolino with a clear and concise explanation. I thanked Mr. Paolino, rewarding his insight by inviting him to come live with my wife and me so he could explain the plot twists of at least twenty other movies, and so he could act as trailblazer on my behalf, preventing any future cinematic puzzlement. He wisely ignored the invitation. But I’ve been thinking ever since about this problem I have with getting lost in a storyline. If IQ tests included watching and explaining the climaxes of films, they would probably have to name the lower part of the scale after me.
What frustrates me the most is that I can usually follow most of a movie’s plot. But then, about three-quarters of the way in, just when the last tumbler seems to fall gently into place in the minds of the rest of the audience, I find myself thinking, “What in the world is going on? Why are they chasing him? She just realized something really important! I wonder what it was.” In a crowded theater, I can sense that everyone else seems to be getting it. There’s this sudden flash of enlightenment. They are, as one, struck by an understanding of what’s happening and why, and where it’s all going. Apparently, at this crucial juncture, I’m fumbling in the dark, trying to find some popcorn that has fallen between my legs or an M&M that has disappeared down my shirt. When I look back at the screen, the moment has passed. I hear my wife murmur, “It was him all along!” and I can only wonder, “Who? All along what?” I sometimes wish they would put one of those little people down in the corner of the screen to explain what’s happening to the denser members of the audience. Then we could follow along as though our IQs were much higher.
Part of the problem, I know, is that my mind tends to wander. When I watch The Wizard of Oz, for example, I find myself asking logical questions that have no place in a film about Munchkins and talking apple trees. When Glinda tells Dorothy that she had the power to go home all along, but that she wouldn’t have believed it, I think “Really? She wouldn’t have given it a shot? She would have preferred to deal with wicked witches and flying monkeys and a giant wizard head that bellows and smokes? She would have chosen to go through all that rather than clicking her heels together?” And then that scene where Dorothy is saying goodbye to everybody and she tells the Scarecrow that she’ll miss him most of all. I guess it’s supposed to be a touching moment, but I always feel bad for the Tin Man and the Lion. I think, couldn’t she have just pulled him aside and whispered it, or gotten his mailing address and sent him a nice note?
The Lord of the Rings trilogy was especially challenging. It wasn’t just that they were unbelievably long, and filled with strange names like Aldor and Eomor and Mordor and Gondor. What puzzled me the most were the frequent scenes in which a mass of people would be setting off to do something (and from what I could gather, something really important), but I had no idea what. Had they explained it while I was again tidying up my seat? Was it just self-evident? My mind would drift off for minutes at a time, and when it returned there was yet another mob of soldiers, dressed in full body armor and riding on horseback over an endless range of mountains. The scene was always dark, filled with thick, gray, foreboding clouds. Where was everyone going? And did it never occur to any of these men that there was a thunderstorm brewing and it might not be a good idea to go out wearing all that metal?
There are entire genres of movies I avoid now, complete aisles in the video store I never venture down. Spy movies, stories about the CIA or drug lords, anything that’s labeled “psychological thriller” or that promises to “keep you in suspense!” I don’t have to go looking for suspense. I still can’t figure out who framed Roger Rabbit. Maybe I’ll just stick with movies like Seabiscuit. The horse is trying to win the race. I get it. Or even Moonstruck, one of my favorites. He loves her and wants her to marry him. I understand a movie like that. Even the ending.
Amiable Amiable
June 5, 2010
Your graphics are always great! I share the same confusion issues about movies. Those flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz always distract me because I don’t think they look at all like monkeys. I spend a lot of time questioning the costume designer. How did they do so well with all of the other character, and not get the monkeys right? About Moonstruck, I was in the bank today and heard “When the moon hits your eye …” What are the chances of hearing that in a bank? I actually jumped, then turned around in hopes of seeing the movie somewhere in the bank!
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bronxboy55
June 5, 2010
Maybe they’re not really monkeys. Do they ever say they’re monkeys in the movie? I think they’re called the Winkies, or something. Have you ever watched Dean Martin sing “That’s Amore” on YouTube? Nobody sings like that anymore.
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Amiable Amiable
June 6, 2010
Well, you got me thinking about it. I had to Google just to make sure they’re monkeys. From Baum’s book: “The monkeys caught Dorothy in their arms and flew away with her.” This morning I realized that I am plagued by confusion in other areas. I was at a church service and everyone was singing (not me – I spared everyone) “Morning has Broken.” I always wondered what was meant by “Minus the sunlight, minus the morning.” It seemed so morbid. I’m glad I got that cleared up while reading along in the hymnal. I still don’t get “Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird.” Isn’t it implied that he was the first to speak from the beak when the morning broke? He can’t be “like” the first bird if he is the first bird! I just took a musical break to listen to and watch Dean Martin on Youtube and my heart went tippy-tippy-tay.
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bronxboy55
June 7, 2010
Here are the lyrics (a little different from what you have). You could always try emailing Cat Stevens for clarification.
“Tippy-tippy-tay” is much easier to understand.
http://allspirit.co.uk/morning.html
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Amiable Amiable
June 8, 2010
I still don’t get the deal with the black bird. Where was the rooster? Isn’t it the rooster’s JOB to wake up everyone? I appreciate the suggestion about Cat Stevens, but you know I haven’t recovered from Carly Simon. Sorry, I don’t mean to beat a dead horse. And where did that expression come from? Who the heck would beat a dead horse, or a live one for that matter?
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bronxboy55
June 8, 2010
Now that roosters have become unionized, they aren’t allowed to work more than six mornings without a day off. The blackbirds saw an opening and have pretty much gobbled up the overflow assignments. You’d think the turkeys would have gobbled them up, but no, they tend to be nervous about waking people. As far as the dead horse thing, I have no idea. I would never beat a dead horse anyway. I only beat dead cows, because they’re much slower than horses.
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Amiable Amiable
June 9, 2010
Beating dead cows? Now that’s a horse of a different color! Which makes me think of our exchange regarding flying monkeys. I’d totally let them have it, but just the live ones. Actually, maybe I’d just deck the Wizard of Oz costume designers.
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bronxboy55
June 9, 2010
You have to admit, for a movie made in 1939, the special effects were great.
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Amiable Amiable
June 10, 2010
Yes, I will admit to that. It really is a favorite movie of mine, and I just saw the ruby slippers at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History. That was cool!
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Margaret Reyes Dempsey
February 20, 2011
You’re such a feeler. You pity the Tin Man and the Lion. I want to smack the Lion and scream “Snap out of it.” 🙂
Have you ever seen the movie Primer? One of my faves, but convoluted as all hell. You might be left permanently cross-eyed.
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bronxboy55
February 20, 2011
Actually, Dorothy does slap the Lion. “Snap out of it” would’ve been funny for that scene. Maybe someday we’ll re-edit “The Wizard of Oz” by dubbing in lines from “Moonstruck.” At the end, when Dorothy opens her eyes and sees everyone hovering over her bed, she could say, “Who’s dead?”
I’ve never seen “Primer.” I don’t do well with convoluted. We just rented “Inception” last night and I’m trying to get mentally prepared for that by drinking a lot of root beer. (If I have to keep getting up to go the bathroom, I’ll have an excuse for not understanding the movie.)
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Margaret Reyes Dempsey
February 20, 2011
I like the root beer idea. That’s inspired. Hey, do you remember an old restaurant in New York called Steak and Brew? They used to bring pitchers of soda to the table. I loved the birch beer. Um num num.
Primer was complicated because of a time travel theme and multiple doppelgängers. [Note: Please edit this comment and put an umlaut over the a. Thanks. 😉 ]
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Wyrd Smythe
January 25, 2013
Primer was very, very good! I think I need to see it 20 times to fully unwind all the threads. Apparently time gets folded, bent, spindled and mutilated 20 times.
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bronxboy55
February 21, 2011
There was a chain of places called Pizza & Brew, and they also brought pitchers of root beer or Coke to the table. Steak and Brew sounds vaguely familiar, but I’m not sure I ever went.
Umlaut: done.
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Margaret Reyes Dempsey
February 21, 2011
😀 Much appreciated.
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Wyrd Smythe
January 25, 2013
Dorothy was a fool: http://xkcd.com/1149/
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bronxboy55
February 4, 2013
That would’ve shortened the movie considerably — and spared us the horror of seeing those flying monkeys.
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Wyrd Smythe
February 5, 2013
It might explain why I’ve just never liked that film. It was a favorite of my sister’s, so I had to suffer annual viewings.
I think I was always worried about Toto. The whole movies kind of hinges on that dog. I always found Dorothy impossibly vapid, but I worried about the dog.
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