There are memories locked in my brain in a secure storage room marked Things I’m Sure Happened Exactly As I Remember Them. It’s a big sign, but that isn’t the point. The point is that every once in a while, I stumble across some piece of irrefutable evidence that completely contradicts one of those memories. Something that, at first, creates confusion. What’s going on here, I ask? How can this new evidence be true? Someone has made a big mistake. But, no. I investigate further and it isn’t a mistake. This new chunk of information is a fact, solidly grounded in truth. I search frantically for some reason for my earlier belief and I find none. Where does that leave me? I now have to go into my storage room and remove the questionable memory. And do what with it? Where does it belong? How did it get in there in the first place? Am I delusional? And what does this say about all of the other things I insist are true? Things I know happened. Things to which I have attached all kinds of peripheral memories, including date, location, and related incidents.
You’re waiting for an example, and I’m stalling because the example I’m going to use is remarkably trivial. It is the example that worries me the most, even more than the idea that I can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy.
It’s about tissues. Facial tissues.
The memory is this: Sometime in the late 1950s or early 1960s, a company that sold a famous brand of facial tissues introduced a revolutionary product. It was just a box of tissues. But the amazing thing was that when you pulled out a tissue, the next one popped up right behind it, so that it was there waiting for the next person who needed it. No need to claw around inside the box. This was one of those milestones of civilization, an innocuous invention that would save time and prevent immeasurable amounts of frustration. The company made a television commercial touting this phenomenon. I remember watching the commercial. I also remember when my mother brought home our first box of pop-up tissues and the entire family went into the bathroom to see it in action. We each took a turn pulling out a tissue. It was breathtaking! (Remember, there were no video games, iPods, or pay-per-view movies. We had hula hoops.)
But here’s the thing. That whole scenario couldn’t have happened. No matter how many times I’ve told this little anecdote, it can’t be true. The Kleenex Pop-up Box was actually introduced by Kimberly-Clark in 1929. By the time I was born twenty-six years later, it would have been old news, much too old to make a television commercial about. Pop-up tissues would have been part of my life from the first day, like cats and oatmeal. I would have no reason to even think about the fact that at one time, people did have to claw around inside the box. Why then did I have a reason to make up this memory, and lock it away so securely with my other precious recollections?
Since making this alarming discovery, I have been quietly going through the mental storage room, taking inventory, scrutinizing everything I can find. How many more memories will I identify that have to be put out with next week’s trash? Did I really hold my newborn baby sister on my lap in the back seat of the car when my mother came home from the hospital? Did my father’s cousin Vinnie really have a speaker phone in his house back in 1962? Did I even have a hula hoop?
It’s scary, this idea that one of the pillars of my life — my earliest memories — may be resting on shaky ground. That the events that set off all of the subsequent events, leading up to who I am today, may never have happened.
On the bright side, if I ever need to get out of jury duty, I know exactly how to do it.
Mitch
May 31, 2010
First, I wish I could help you with the tissue dilemma, but you’re on your own.
Second, you added color! lol
Third, I know what you mean about memories. I remember that I watched the last speech Martin Luther King Jr gave the day before he was assassinated. Yet, it seems strange that my parents would have kept me home from school on that day, in the middle of the week, just to watch that speech back in 1968. So I also have problems putting it all together at times. Just the consequence of age, I figure.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
May 31, 2010
These weird coincidences keep happening. Just a couple of hours ago, my son and I watched the Walter Cronkite broadcast on YouTube when he announced KIng’s death. Then your comment arrives talking about the same event.
Thinking about these fuzzy (and sometimes flat-out mistaken) memories makes me really wonder about our judicial system, where people are often found guilty or not with the whole process resting on what someone says they remember seeing. In the past two weeks, we’ve watched “The Hurricane” and “An Innocent Man,” both films that portray men who go to prison based on shaky testimony.
LikeLike
Mitch
June 3, 2010
Hurricane’s still in jail; I don’t know the movie Innocent Man. Actually, since I started capturing things that happen in my life like little stories, my memory of them is much better. But only if I see what’s going on as a story, which, luckily, most of the time I do.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 3, 2010
Here we go again, Mitch: I thought Carter was still in jail, too. I have a vivid memory of him being released, re-tried, then going back to prison. But in fact, he was released for good in 1985. Are we confusing him with someone else?
LikeLike
Mitch
June 4, 2010
Nope. Truthfully, I always thought he was still in jail, and now I realize I was thinking about Mumia Abu-Jamal.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 5, 2010
Not only is Abu-Jamal still in prison, I think they’re trying to reinstate his death penalty sentence.
LikeLike
absurdoldbird
June 29, 2010
Mmm… well, just because something has been invented at an earlier date doesn’t mean that it’s going to be available to the public at that date. Or that, if it is, people are necessarily going to want to use it. I don’t know about America but here in the UK, we didn’t have paper tissues until the 1960’s as far as I know. (Or – as far as I remember, anyway!) My family and I used fabric handkerchiefs. And washed them. (Come to that, my dad hated paper tissues and continued using cloth hankies all his life).
I just had a look at the Kleenex website and looked at their ‘through the years/decades’ page. Maybe you can find some clues there:
http://www.kleenex.co.uk/UK/About/Through-The-Decades.aspx
But I know what you mean. I have these patches where things in my memory aren’t as accurate as they should be, and some things that should be in my memory just aren’t there at all anymore. I’m 58, so it’s probably to be expected!
LikeLike
bronxboy55
June 30, 2010
I think 58 is much too young to serve as a good excuse for failing memory. I prefer to say that our minds are so active and creative that thoughts are bound to get mixed up now and then.
Did that sound convincing?
LikeLike
Wyrd Smythe
January 25, 2013
It’s not you; it’s everyone. We’re finding out more and more that memory is incredibly unreliable. Even perception is hugely unreliable. And it is a big problem for eye-witness testimony.
I apparently gave up even trying to remember some things long ago. Movies and books just do not stick (I will remember parts I found especially striking). I’ve decided this is a wonderful thing, since I can re-read my library over and over and re-watch my DVDs.
LikeLike
bronxboy55
February 4, 2013
I’m afraid you’re right about eyewitness testimony. I wonder how many innocent people are languishing in prison because somebody was sure they saw something.
LikeLike
Wyrd Smythe
February 5, 2013
One would hope not all that many. My understanding is that the problem of eyewitness testimony is well-known, and it requires corroborating evidence to support it. A single eye-witness alone would need to be pretty unshakable in their testimony I would think. (But then I’ve come to realize I have a hopeless optimism about the world that isn’t always warranted.)
LikeLike
bronxboy55
February 9, 2013
I have the same optimism, which is why I’m continually shocked by what goes on. I imagine the standards for eyewitness testimony vary greatly, depending on who the defendants are, how much money they have for legal fees, and lots of intangibles. There was a woman present at the JFK assassination who was interviewed that same day, and then again about a decade later. Her story had completely changed. At least that’s what I heard. Or think I heard. I might’ve read it somewhere. Or maybe my dentist mentioned it to me. (How should I know? It was months ago.)
LikeLike
Wyrd Smythe
February 9, 2013
Yeah, I know the feeling. Frequently shocked and disappointed, but I’d rather keep the optimism and suffer that than stop hoping for the best in life. I think I’m a cynical optimist, although I haven’t quite figured out what that means… I see the glass half-full, but assume the water is bad? (More likely that it will evaporate or drain away before I can drink it.)
Seems that naive pessimism would be better. The glass may be half-empty, but the water is probably really tasty.
LikeLike